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amother
OP
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 Sat, Nov 04 2023, 9:14 pm
About a kid who was being bullied by his Rebbe because he was tall and had leadership capabilities. The rebbe kept this up all year, constantly looking to put him in his place.
Did anyone else read this? Thoughts?
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amother
Ruby
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 9:33 pm
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I think the rebbe felt threatened by the kid.. or jealous?
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amother
DarkMagenta
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 9:41 pm
This story was in the Ami afew weeks ago?
My first thought was the the rebbi is jealous of the kid and for some reason felt threatened.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 9:48 pm
My heart ached reading that article. It hit too close to home.
My son is KA"H very smart, has a huge heart, and is a natural leader. Just a nice kid that never gave a rebbe or his parents heartache. In eighth grade he had a rebbe like this, except then the kids turned on him also. They called him the same vile names that the rebbe did, and he was put down in front of the class constantly.
We had no idea about any of this. We *should* have known. We didn't see the little hints all year. It was very strange that when my husband met the rebbe somewhere in town he didn't sound enthusiastic about teaching our son, which was very unusual. My FIL met the rebbe at a siyum and schmoozed with him, but when the rebbe heard he was ds's grandfather he became cold to him. FIL was used to glowing nachas reports. He asked us if ds likes his rebbe and we had no reason to say no. He never complained. In Lakewood, yeshiva goes until mid-summer. Our family goes away for the summer and ds and dh come up for shabbos. Towards the end of the year, when we were away, ds absolutely couldn't handle it anymore and he stopped going to this rebbe's shiur. For the last few weeks he went to yeshiva after this rebbe's class. He asked Dh not to tell me because he didnt want to cause me any agmas nefesh, so I had no idea he was learning by himself in the neighborhood shul for first seder. He didn't even tell dh the extent of it.
A day before yeshiva ended, the rebbe called ds at home and asked him to come for the last day. Ds went, and the rebbe privately asked him mechila. He said that in his 30+ years of teaching he'd never had this before, that a talmid rubbed him the wrong way and he took it this far. He admitted that somewhere along the way it became personal, and that he took his anger out on ds with a vengeance. He begged him for mechila. Ds looked him in the eye and said, "I can forgive the rebbe for all the insults and all the names you called me but I cannot forgive the rebbe for turning my friends against me." Ds cried when he told us this after the school year was finally over. He was so broken, his self esteem was shattered, and I was afraid he would never recover.
The rest of the story is irrelevant except that we put him in a new school and today he is back to his old self.
I do want to say that there are some amazing rebbeim out there. His ninth grade rebbe took it upon himself to straighten things out with the eighth grade rebbe-from ds's old school-and with his amazing guidance, ds was able to forgive him. It's been six years, ds is back to his old self for years already, but I will never, ever forgive that rebbe.
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amother
Coffee
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 9:52 pm
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I don’t understand why the kids don’t share these things with their parents, as in the post above. Why would they suffer without saying anything?
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amother
Ruby
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 9:53 pm
| amother Coffee wrote: | | I don’t understand why the kids don’t share these things with their parents, as in the post above. Why would they suffer without saying anything? |
It’s not on the parents.. it’s hard to open up about these things..
ETA, as a parent, I always make sure to let my kids know that I am there for them for anything and everything and I will always listen and not judge. It’s one of the things I’m always nervous about.. we try so hard to protect them but we are not with them for most of their day…
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amother
Lawngreen
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 10:03 pm
| amother Coffee wrote: | | I don’t understand why the kids don’t share these things with their parents, as in the post above. Why would they suffer without saying anything? |
I asked myself this so many times. I asked ds over and over. He kept saying he didn't want to hurt us and that he told himself it wasn't so bad. At a certain point he says he decided the rebbe is unstable and just tuned it out.
If you would know this child you would understand. He will do anything not to hurt another human, especially his parents and siblings. (For example: He saves up weeks of tests and brings them home to show me on his off shabbosim. Not to brag, but to give me nachas. He wouldn't do it except that years ago I mentioned to him that I hear from everyone that he's so smart but it's a pity I can't be at a farher so he started bringing his written tests home. I don't understand any of it but it gives me nachas so he continues to save them for me.
After this summer I came home to organized closets and bookshelves and other things around the house that I never get around to doing. He had used his time bein hazmanim before and after camp to do what he can to make life more pleasant for everyone. I can go on and on but you get the idea.)
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amother
OP
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 10:15 pm
| amother Lawngreen wrote: | My heart ached reading that article. It hit too close to home.
My son is KA"H very smart, has a huge heart, and is a natural leader. Just a nice kid that never gave a rebbe or his parents heartache. In eighth grade he had a rebbe like this, except then the kids turned on him also. They called him the same vile names that the rebbe did, and he was put down in front of the class constantly.
We had no idea about any of this. We *should* have known. We didn't see the little hints all year. It was very strange that when my husband met the rebbe somewhere in town he didn't sound enthusiastic about teaching our son, which was very unusual. My FIL met the rebbe at a siyum and schmoozed with him, but when the rebbe heard he was ds's grandfather he became cold to him. FIL was used to glowing nachas reports. He asked us if ds likes his rebbe and we had no reason to say no. He never complained. In Lakewood, yeshiva goes until mid-summer. Our family goes away for the summer and ds and dh come up for shabbos. Towards the end of the year, when we were away, ds absolutely couldn't handle it anymore and he stopped going to this rebbe's shiur. For the last few weeks he went to yeshiva after this rebbe's class. He asked Dh not to tell me because he didnt want to cause me any agmas nefesh, so I had no idea he was learning by himself in the neighborhood shul for first seder. He didn't even tell dh the extent of it.
A day before yeshiva ended, the rebbe called ds at home and asked him to come for the last day. Ds went, and the rebbe privately asked him mechila. He said that in his 30+ years of teaching he'd never had this before, that a talmid rubbed him the wrong way and he took it this far. He admitted that somewhere along the way it became personal, and that he took his anger out on ds with a vengeance. He begged him for mechila. Ds looked him in the eye and said, "I can forgive the rebbe for all the insults and all the names you called me but I cannot forgive the rebbe for turning my friends against me." Ds cried when he told us this after the school year was finally over. He was so broken, his self esteem was shattered, and I was afraid he would never recover.
The rest of the story is irrelevant except that we put him in a new school and today he is back to his old self.
I do want to say that there are some amazing rebbeim out there. His ninth grade rebbe took it upon himself to straighten things out with the eighth grade rebbe-from ds's old school-and with his amazing guidance, ds was able to forgive him. It's been six years, ds is back to his old self for years already, but I will never, ever forgive that rebbe. |
This sounds so heartbreaking.
Did you ever tell the principal?
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Queen Of Hearts
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 10:20 pm
That story was heart-rending and beautiful.
Heart-rending because the Rebbi tried tearing him down. Such Rebbis shouldn't be allowed in a classroom.
Beautiful because the boy despite it all managed to blossom. And the way he brought that family to Yiddishkeit.
Unbelievable. And at his age....
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amother
Yarrow
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 10:30 pm
| amother Coffee wrote: | | I don’t understand why the kids don’t share these things with their parents, as in the post above. Why would they suffer without saying anything? |
a lot of kids think their parents will stick up for the teachers. I know I did.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Nov 04 2023, 10:33 pm
| Queen Of Hearts wrote: | That story was heart-rending and beautiful.
Heart-rending because the Rebbi tried tearing him down. Such Rebbis shouldn't be allowed in a classroom.
Beautiful because the boy despite it all managed to blossom. And the way he brought that family to Yiddishkeit.
Unbelievable. And at his age.... |
I happen to know the boy that the story was written about. He is an incredible young man, beautiful middos, who is always looking out for others. The rebbe was obviously was triggered by the talmid's height or charisma.
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amother
Pansy
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Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:14 am
As a very tall, bh bright girl that is naturally outgoing I remember realizing my teachers were more intimidated by me.
It was so unfair because I was super insecure and could have used a relationship or even just not to be singled out.
Bh things got better in highschool- I went to a great school and I also realized what was happening. I began to be extra respectful and learned a lot about how to approach ppl who need their egos stroked.
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Queen Of Hearts
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Sun, Nov 05 2023, 1:26 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I happen to know the boy that the story was written about. He is an incredible young man, beautiful middos, who is always looking out for others. The rebbe was obviously was triggered by the talmid's height or charisma. |
Are you serious? I always wondered if all these Human Experiences are true stories or embellished.
He really is an unbelievable person. To use his power for the good like that...
That story moved me to tears.
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amother
Slategray
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Sun, Nov 05 2023, 1:02 am
| amother Lawngreen wrote: | I asked myself this so many times. I asked ds over and over. He kept saying he didn't want to hurt us and that he told himself it wasn't so bad. At a certain point he says he decided the rebbe is unstable and just tuned it out.
If you would know this child you would understand. He will do anything not to hurt another human, especially his parents and siblings. (For example: He saves up weeks of tests and brings them home to show me on his off shabbosim. Not to brag, but to give me nachas. He wouldn't do it except that years ago I mentioned to him that I hear from everyone that he's so smart but it's a pity I can't be at a farher so he started bringing his written tests home. I don't understand any of it but it gives me nachas so he continues to save them for me.
After this summer I came home to organized closets and bookshelves and other things around the house that I never get around to doing. He had used his time bein hazmanim before and after camp to do what he can to make life more pleasant for everyone. I can go on and on but you get the idea.) |
let us know when he is in shidduchim 
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amother
OP
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Sun, Nov 05 2023, 1:12 am
| Queen Of Hearts wrote: | Are you serious? I always wondered if all these Human Experiences are true stories or embellished.
He really is an unbelievable person. To use his power for the good like that...
That story moved me to tears. |
The story is 100% true and unembellished. There was one tiny detail about the other family (that became frum) that was changed in order to protect their privacy.
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amother
Midnight
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Sun, Nov 05 2023, 1:54 am
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This story made me so fearful for the future. My oldest ds is 3 and looks the size of a kid in primary. He currently half a head taller than the next tallest in his class. We've already had issues with a morah expecting him to behave better than everyone else because other kids were both literally and figuratively looking up to him in his 2yo class. BH we were able to switch him and he thrived but that's not always going to be option in the future
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#BestBubby
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Sun, Nov 05 2023, 7:13 am
| amother Coffee wrote: | | I don’t understand why the kids don’t share these things with their parents, as in the post above. Why would they suffer without saying anything? |
Kids fear the bully will retaliate if they tell on them.
Especially if its a teacher.
It happens.
In another Human Experience story the boy told his parents,
And in front of the class the teacher mocked
Oh the baby cried to his mommy...
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amother
Daphne
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Sun, Nov 05 2023, 9:00 am
| amother Coffee wrote: | | I don’t understand why the kids don’t share these things with their parents, as in the post above. Why would they suffer without saying anything? |
I was bullied mercilessly by my 4th grade teacher. I wasn't tall, I was smart. She felt intimidated. I didn't tell my parents because I didn't have anything to tell. It's small things and always something that reflected on me as a person. It's real abuse and an abuse victim can't even see that they are being abused. Should I tell them she tore up my test without marking it because my handwriting was messy? Maybe she was right? Should I tell them she made me stand in the corner for sneezing? It's embarrassing! Should I tell her she sent me to sit next to the garbage because that's what I'm worth? Maybe she's right.
The whole thing with abuse is that the victim finds it hard to do anything about it. Otherwise it would never reach those levels. To this day, my mother keeps apologizing for that year but honestly, how was she supposed to know? by the time the teacher did something really overboard and I told my parents, she already alienated the entire class. All she did the next day was announce that I was a baby who instead of taking a punishment quietly went running to my mother and the whole class was laughing at me, and I came to the conclusion that involving my parents was the worst possible idea if these were the results. You have to understand what level of abuse teachers are capable of.
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Queen Of Hearts
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Sun, Nov 05 2023, 9:05 am
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How are such Teachers/Rebbis in the classroom?!?
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