I think my son might be on the spectrum- now what?

amother

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 11:42 am

Hi- sorry in advance if this turns out to be long, any input/advice would be very welcome

My ds is 10, and until he was 7 or so, I didn't really detect anything amiss (except for an impulsivity issue, and he was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8. With a low dose of meds he is doing better with that).

For the last year and half or so, though, I have watched him fall further and further behind the ball with his peers. He is now in 5th grade, and while I wouldn't call him friendless, we're not ever getting calls for playdates either. I have tried inviting neighborhood kids his age over but he has no idea what to do with them so it never goes anywhere.

Every day he comes home from school with another story about how so and so is annoying or cheats or isn't nice. He perceives injustices in nearly every interaction with other kids, so it's no wonder he's having trouble maintaining (or initiating) friendships.

He has begun to display some nearly compulsive behaviors. At first these behaviors just seemed cute/quirky and we humored him but now I'm growing concerned that he feels 'beholden' to these things. For example, he has insisted on going to shul with my husband every shabbos for every davening. Shacharis, mincha, maariv, all of it. Sounds great, right? Except if one day he's not feeling well and we encourage him to sleep in he will cry hysterically. My husband tells me that during davening he is the most serious person in the room, as if he's trying to 'outdo' even the adults. When it's time to daven out loud in response to the chazzan, he's the loudest in the room. He's 10!

He has several interests and talents, but can't get anywhere with them because he resists any form of instruction. If he wins a remote control car in a raffle, he is thrilled, but is too impatient to read the instructions and gets mad at me when I try to read them and explain them to him, so he ends up getting frustrated with it and abandoning it after a few days, because of course, it's not working very well. He wants to do it his 'own' way, even when it's clear that it's not working.

He will sometimes come to talk to me when it's clearly not a good time - like if I'm handling a diaper explosion on the baby, he will come and ask me about his birthday present for his birthday coming up in 4 months. If I say 'umm this isn't really a good time for me' he'll just say "I know" and proceed with whatever he was saying.

I could probably go on and on but hopefully I've given a picture of what I'm talking about. I just want to help him because he is so sweet and smart and funny and right now he just doesn't seem very happy. And I need some guidance for myself on how to work with him because lately we've just been getting into battles of wills that are clearly not productive for either of us.

Is there an evaluation I should pursue? I am totally clueless about all this. If anyone can please help a mom out I would so appreciate it!

amother

Khaki

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 11:46 am

A good neuropsych evaluation will be able to see the root of the concerns you are seeing. It may be ASD, it may be something else. Good testing should differentiate

amother

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 12:03 pm

amother Khaki wrote:

A good neuropsych evaluation will be able to see the root of the concerns you are seeing. It may be ASD, it may be something else. Good testing should differentiate

Sorry to be obtuse but what kind of doctor/therapist would I go to for such an eval?

amother

Amaryllis

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 12:08 pm

Definitely look into ASD. My husband is autistic and has a lot of this traits. He's an amazing husband and father, but I'm laughing right now. I recently built some furniture cuz my husband has the same thing with getting frustrated 😂. He can't handle it.

But weirdly enough for some things he can, if he has a great interest in it. Like his profession or making me happy.

And yes he does come to everyone at the wrong times! I'm always telling him this but he doesn't get it. If it's something to remind me I'll tell him I'm going to forget it cuz I'm busy so just text it to me and that helps. If he wants to share something I let him know I'm listening with half an ear 😂

amother

cornflower

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 12:19 pm

amother Amaryllis wrote:

Could have written this post word for word! I haven't pursued an evaluation since I don't think my husband would do anything with it, but I definitely think it could be ASD. Hatzlacha OP, keep us posted.

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 12:23 pm

Based on my experience, a lot (or all) of this can also be attributed to ADHD. Either way, he needs someone to directly work on these skills with him- impulsivity, social skills, flexibility, etc. And it's possible a different medication would be more effective.

amother

Eggplant

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 12:25 pm

Ds presented very very similarly, it was pandas for us. The compulsions and tattling are ocd obviously. Being oblivious to everyone else's needs, talking when it isn't a good time, lack of social skills, not being able to handle direction, guidance or feedback, these are signs his brain is in fight-flight/survival mode, which can be caused by inflammation. Hyperactivity and impulsivity are brain inflammation symptoms as well. We've seen so much improvement in all these areas by treating infections and inflammation.

amother

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 2:35 pm

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

Someone like who? The neurologist we see doesn't do skills training or anything like that

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 2:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

Someone like who? The neurologist we see doesn't do skills training or anything like that

An experienced therapist. Either a psychologist who specializes in this, or a speech or occupational therapist who specializes in this. Medication helps with many symptoms of ADHD, but a lot needs to be taught as well.

happy7

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 2:50 pm

You need to get an evaluation.
Either by a developmental pediatrician or a neuropsychologist. You will need a referral from your pediatrician. Start with getting a referral and then get a recommendation from your pediatrician of where to go for testing.

amother

Wandflower

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 3:46 pm

My son is 5 and is exactly like this to the T. Even the shul thing. Exact. Every time I express concern about ASD people think I'm imagining things. I'm curious what you did about this?