Support group for post parent teacher conference night

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 11:52 pm

I sympathize with you. My kids school has a different method teachers ask you questions in a friendly and light way and tell you all the positive stuff about you kid. And whatever you answer you should have answered the opposite. Then the next day you get a phone call from the principal secretary asking what time your available to come down for a meeting because the principal wants to discuss how the teacher feels she's doing in class and your like "what??" "I just spoke to the teacher she said my daughter was a bright girl and a doll. I told her she was so bright at home too and just a well mannered angel!!"

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 1:48 am

Hey.
I’m so sorry to hear that you feel like you need a support group for after our meeting. Your daughter has a beautiful personality, and adds so much to the class like I told you. She does struggle in a certain area, and if we worked together to figure out why, and what I can do as a teacher to help, she would be the happiest version of herself that she can be. I tried my best to end our meeting on that note, and took some notes for myself on what our plan is going forward, as well as a reminder to myself to follow up in a few weeks.
I was hoping we ended the conversation is a positive and practical way. I’m seeing that this wasn’t the case, and maybe I didn’t address it in the best way I could have.
Your daughter’s Morah

amother

SandyBrown

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 10:18 am

I first read this and thought, support for teachers, yes! I know as a parent it is incredibly difficult sitting across that table and hearing the teacher say anything negative about your child. But it is also difficult being on the other side of the table, speaking to all the parents. And you think so carefully before you bring anything up. Depending on the situation, I will have spoken about the situation and discussed it with my supervisor as to whether I should be bringing it up. And I do try and avoid pta for bringing up anything too serious. Anything more that is going on, should be discussed with parents at a separate time.
I would say comments about lateness, or missing supplies, homework etc.

amother

Mint

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 4:50 pm

As a mom with teens already I wish that someone would have told me when I was younger that for some reason teachers feel that they need to "notify" or "advise" parents about anything negative they see about your child. It's a very weird thing and I have had this with so many of my kids. My kids are all normal regular kids but I come home from pta and literally every time feel so overwhelmed. They say nice and then it's almost like they have to say something not nice and sandwich with nice. The things they raise are so random and unimportant in the scope of things.

I don't get it. So I'm with you op.

amother

Gladiolus

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 4:54 pm

amother Royalblue wrote:

Why do people do this? you don’t know how that specific teacher handled it or was thinking

amother

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 5:01 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Oh my gosh! A mother mint. You said my feelings exactly!! Why do teachers feel it's their sacred duty to notify me about some random irrelevant "problem" It almost feels like the teacher feels that it is her "sacred duty" to inform me of a "problem" in my child. Dear teacher - IF THERE IS NO PROBLEM DO NOT CREATE ONE! Yes it's true - with some kids there are concerns and you want to address those concerns with a mother. But that should not be your whole class! Ask yourself - how many mothers came to parent teacher conference and I was able to tell them only positive?! If your answer is less than fifty percent - I would venture to say you're doing something wrong. One of my children has learning disabilities and social skills delays - so I know with her the teachers love to heap on the negative. (I already have her signed up at a social skills therapist, a language therapist, and extra academic support - but Still those teachers just loove to complain. I'm not sure what their point is. ) But when they started finding problems with my other daughter who is smart, kind, an asset to the class - I knew the problem was with the teacher - not me.

amother

NeonYellow

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 5:16 pm

To answer those who are asking why does the teacher have to bring up small concerns..
As a parent I hate when it comes towards the end of the year and I suddenly hear about something, like where were you the whole time?? So yes I appreciate when the teacher tells me she noticed my DS is struggling a bit with this but nothing to be concerned about, just something I will keep an eye on..

Highstrung

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 5:34 pm

amother Mint wrote:

I had this experience with my daughter , not so much with my boys.
I literally left with a ton of anxiety and worry that my daughter has serious issues because the teachers raved how smart she is but then made sure to mention that she’s “in her head a lot” and it could indicate something more serious. I had no idea what she meant but I literally started thinking she might be selectively mute , on the spectrum etc all because they described a girl that I never saw in my daughter and I freaked out.
If they thought she was such an issue it should have been brought to my attention way before we met for PTA. B”H there is nothing behaviorally wrong with my daughter . She was just in a new environment and shy in the beginning . But that one PTA in kindergarten took me for a tail spin .

amother

Lightyellow

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 5:35 pm

amother Mint wrote:

We want to mention it so if it does balloon into a major issue you don’t come back “why is this the first we’re hearing of this?!”

I’ll give you an example. I have a student who’s a bit of a slower processor. I’m able to support her in the classroom just fine, but I’m going to make sure mom and dad know I’ve noticed this so that if later this year or even next year she starts to struggle more we can trace the pattern and help her before it gets too bad.

Tzutzie

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 5:36 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

My kids school has a policy that nothing mentioned at pta should be a surprise. So I always know what to expect BH.

And I find the teachers are always as positive as they can be even when discussing my dd who is struggling socially and functionally.

That's my policy. And I am the one to call the teacher to keep a pulse on things.

One year my dd has a teacher who absolutely hated her guts. She had Adhd. Yes she's spaced out struggles with focusing is late often and missing her supplies even though I'd literally restock her school bag minimum once a week. Every Sunday plus check it again mid week. She was really trying. But that year she didn't learn a thing by that teacher. She really killed my daughters social life too. It was very painful.
She'd call me every 10days-2week no exaggeration to complain.
Other than. That teacher whoever worked with her therapist, ot, teachers and principals, substitutes. (Her long term substitute teacher stopped me in the street months after she was tbejr teacher to rave about her. Shes a real sweetheart.) always adored her. And there is good reason why.
I'll never forget at the PTA, the morning and afternoon teacher.
The morning teacher with a spur face listed again all the annoying things she does. She has tics that annoy her (wouldn't ya know???) She takes her shoes off (sensory). Her handwriting is bad.... um?
Then switch to the afternoon teacher.
Oh hi Mrs. Tzutzie! Omg I love that kid. She's got the brightest smile! She's so kind to her classmates. She always has a compliment on her lips and always so upbeat no matter what! She's this and that and hear this, lately she has her books on time. She told me she offered her classmate that she'll teacher her to draw if she reminds her to bring her books before class (she's a stinker!).... and on and on.
Morning sourpuss is 40+ year old "experienced" teacher.
Afternoon was on her 2nd year of teaching and still "finding her footing"

That's the difference between a teacher who loves her students. And a teacher who doesn't.

Highstrung

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 5:39 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

Yes for sure . We want to hear when something is wrong . I’ve experienced both. Where I asked if they noticed any speech delays in my child and was told no, on many occasions.
At the end of the year the teacher sent a message with a different mom to tell me that my child is very delayed in speech and she thinks there is something wrong and she didn’t want me to get offended . I was asking all year long about it . This delayed my child so unnecessarily , I then realized he needed to get evaluated , he needed tubes in his ears etc . If the mother is asking , be honest !

But then if you notice something , don’t use big scary words when discussing it with a parent . Just like people don’t like arm chair psychologists , many parents don’t like when teachers “diagnose” their students with various special needs , or problems. If you feel there is an issue , bring it to the attention of the parent before PTA . It needs to be discussed in depth and 5 minute time slots leaves the parent at a loss and fumbling.