Gift for bday for therapist-Update on Last page

blima1

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:27 pm

I'm a therapist and I think that would be crossing a boundary.
I would not appreciate any present especially not for a birthday
I'm just curious- how do you even know it is her birthday? How did it come up?

Imateacher

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:29 pm

blima1 wrote:

Can I give my therapist a gift on the last session? Something for her house like a diffuser or hand towels?

amother

Linen

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:31 pm

Imateacher wrote:

Can I give my therapist a gift on the last session? Something for her house like a diffuser or hand towels?

Yes, you can give a token gift of the last session. Please keep it small. I would be wary of giving her something for the house. "Such nice towels. Where did you get it from?" Um... Just awkward.

amother

Lotus

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

Does it have to be something for the office?

Can it be something personal like a lotion or perfume?

How do you know her birthday?

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:37 pm

On her bday last yr, she gave me a bracha being that it was her bday, so has the Koach to bless me. ( I took mental note of the date)

We were also speaking about the zodiac signs and the diff natures, once. Somehow her zodiac sign slipped.

blima1

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:38 pm

Imateacher wrote:

Can I give my therapist a gift on the last session? Something for her house like a diffuser or hand towels?

I think that there is more wiggle room as to what is appropriate with that but it is still tricky.
I happen to be a younger and newer therapist so I am still learning and doing training (I also work already but am doing additional training at the same time) so it could be that someone with more experience would have a different reply but I am thinking about it.
What's the reason you would want to give her a present? Is it so you can "pay her back"? Is there a part of you that feels like you "have to" give her this so she remembers you or thinks of you in a certain way?
Would you give a present like that to your child's speech therapist (or insert any example)?
As a side,I think that a handwritten card is so much more meaningful than a present and much easier to accept.

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:41 pm

It was important for me to know which zodiac sign she has. It ends up, that she has same one as my husband, and was wondering when she was understanding my husband side sometimes more than mine, because she has same temperaments, being born in sane timing .

blima1

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Maybe bring it up to her? You can tell her that you remembered that it was her birthday and were thinking of getting her a present, what would her thoughts be on that? It might be an opportunity to talk about your relationship and how important she is in your life, (you remembered her birthday from last year) and the advantages and disadvantages of that.
I don't know what you are working on in therapy but these type of discussions can help us to learn more about ourselves and what we are doing here.

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:46 pm

My old therapist I used to give lot of gifts for appreciation.

I learned therapist don't like that. So now I hold off and only give app times something like chanukah, purim. Like donuts and a card for Chanukah. Mm before purim in office. So was wondering if I knew she has a bday, if it's OK to gift her.

She always says that I shouldn't feel like I need to gift her in order for her to be there for me.

For me it feels like she doesn't accept graciously. Like maybe she doesn't feel deserving. I always think just say thanks and shoin.

amother

Kiwi

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is zodiac signs the month?

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:51 pm

Her bday actually passed, and at my last session when I wanted to gift her, store was closed for holiday, so I couldn't buy it, and I told her that. She said there no need for a gift.

We didn't actually get into a deeper conversation about it.

It did come up in sessions, where she told me, that I should learn relationships don't have to come with giving or getting something from someone else.

blima1

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

First of all, yes therapists learn so much about not crossing boundaries and how gifts from clients are really not simple that it just makes me (and my fellow therapist friends) feel uncomfortable
Second, what you wrote in the bolded- gives insight into why she might think you like giving so many gifts for appreciation. I mean, do you say thank you, do you pay her? How do you understand the need to give more?
What would it be like for you if she accepted graciously?

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:56 pm

My old therapist did ask me once, why I feel the need to gift always? What do want to gain?

I said nothing I'm just so grateful and that's how I was brought up

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 3:59 pm

This therapist is diff, because she doesn't make such a wow about my gifts anymore, rather that I shouldn't feel I need to gift her, so it's more neutral already not so feelings based anymore.

Like if my session was in evening and I felt bad for her, and bring her something to have a bite, she declined and didn't take it. I didn't take it personally.

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:15 pm

Sometimes I feel if she would accept my little tokens more graciously, it would portray more confidence on her part, so I should trust her better.
Maybe really she just wanted to show me not to gift her anymore, about ethical behavior rather then not feeling deserving. Or about my own issues, that I should realize not to feel like to have to gift, for a relationship, for people to like me....idk.

For sure, I shouldn't feel like rejected, if she doesn't express such excitement over a gift and doesn't accept so graciously.

strawberry cola

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:28 pm

I agree that it crosses boundaries. Do not buy gifts of any kind for your therapist, unless, as someone mentioned, you are terminating and it is your last session, so you want to give a token of thanks.
Do you constantly feel a need to give gifts in your personal as well as professional relationships? You seem to be highly invested in this matter. You are obviously a kind and giving person, but maybe you want to explore what's at the root of this need,