S/O I am not a woman, why is it not okay...

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:28 pm

to fat shame but totally acceptable to joke around if someone is small on top?

I have very small bre@sts and somehow whenever I go to buy a new br@ at the local lingerie store (Jewish) the worker will joke and say I barely even need one... It`s happened at more than one store by the way.

Even someone I work with once commented when she thought I couldn`t hear about why I bother buying underwear, I totally don`t need...

I feel like telling these people that just like they won`t comment on somebody having massive brea@sts, they should not say anything about my size. Why is it understood that fat shaming is not okay but it`s totally fine the other way round?

amother

Whitewash

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:36 pm

It’s wrong.
I was once getting fitted and I overheard the lady helping me tell someone outside that this lady (me) is very big and hard to fit. I was disgusted.

amother

Phlox

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:47 pm

I’ve gotten crazy comments about being thin, some downright obnoxious. But when you’re thin, apparently it’s ok.

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:49 pm

I BH don`t have any body image issues and am happy with the way I am. BH I was able to breastfeed for a very long time. I just wonder why people feel it is ok just bc the person they are talking about is thin and not fat! Happens to be if I don`t wear good underwear I look terrible even if I am small.

amother

Skyblue

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:57 pm

People far shame too, It’s probably the same people making those comments. They just have no boundaries and are socially off.

It’s never okay to comment or joke about anyone’s body, regardless of size

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 4:01 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

Thank you.

lucky14

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 4:01 pm

It’s not fine. Who said it was fine? The people saying it maybe but they’re wrong.
It’s not ok at all to joke or comment on someone’s size - if they are bigger or smaller.

DrMom

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 4:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have very small bre@sts and somehow whenever I go to buy a new br@ at the local lingerie store (Jewish) the worker will joke and say I barely even need one... It`s happened at more than one store by the way.

Even someone I work with once commented when she thought I couldn`t hear about why I bother buying underwear, I totally don`t need...

You really should complain to the manager about the bra fitters insulting their customers.

As for the not needing underwear comment: What does that even mean? Why wouldn't thin people need underwear?

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 4:33 pm

DrMom wrote:

They joke that I am so small on top (flat) that I totally don`t need underwear! I did wear a padded bra to my wedding so as not to look completely flat but day to day I am happy with how I am.

amother

Caramel

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 4:36 pm

DrMom wrote:

I think she’s using underwear to mean bra.

And unfortunately our society fat shames all the time.

amother

Wandflower

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 4:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

I get shamed the other way. The ladies always assume I want a minimizer and give me a lot of issues and make mean comments too. Have yet to have a good experience anywhere.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 5:01 pm

I have lost a lot of weight recently (almost 100lbs) and am given a much nicer service in shops than I used to get.
No I was not self conscious when I was fat. I knew because it was blatantly obvious that I wasn't viewed as an ideal customer in size and profile.
Yet now it's a very different experience, with lots of smiles my way, not pity, and kinder customer care.
Yes fat shaming is all around us sadly.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 5:04 pm

Not to justify anything but those who fit bras all day for a living are probably desensitized to the typical sensitivities around body types. For them it's just a job.

amother

Poppy

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 5:11 pm

You're operating under the assumption that something being not okay means people not doing it. People fat shame all the time. And what they're doing to you is not okay and also very mean.

However, pardon me for saying this, there is a difference. Because there isn't a pervasive underlying belief that small breasted women are not worthy, are of inferior character, are automatically the butt of the joke in every situation, are less capable, etc.

Wolfsbane

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 5:19 pm

amother Poppy wrote:

But it's still hurtful to the women people say it about.

scruffy

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 5:28 pm

amother Mistyrose wrote:

Not to justify anything but those who fit bras all day for a living are probably desensitized to the typical sensitivities around body types. For them it's just a job.

On the contrary, if it's their job, they should be sensitive to/ around customers regarding body types. (Even if they themselves are desensitized)

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 5:38 pm

scruffy wrote:

On the contrary, if it's their job, they should be sensitive to/ around customers regarding body types. (Even if they themselves are desensitized)

Of course! But I can understand that if not careful & aware they can be desensitized.

amother

Phlox

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:02 am

amother Poppy wrote:

You’re right. But I was excluded from an exercise group I wanted to join because I was too thin and apparently that was going to make the other members feel bad. And the clincher is that I was only that thin because I was going through a terrible time and couldn’t eat normally.