I hate being poor here

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:15 pm

I feel like I don’t belong. (This can probably apply to any Jewish neighborhood)
I go into the fancy stores and immediately feel out of place and lose my confidence. It seems like they can sense I’m not cool enough and can’t afford 95% of the things available.
I hate going to the grocery and calculating all the prices while people around me pile in the $150 roasts. I hate that I can’t afford any house and that I’ll have to wait forever or maybe never to truly afford a house. I hate not being able to buy my kids clothing in the “regular” local stores. I hate that my girls can’t advance in skills because I don’t have time and can’t afford the clubs. My kids just want the normal stretchies for the baby.
I hate feeling poor in a place where it seems is made for not poor people.

I’m venting. I know I can move somewhere , but it’s hard to take my old enough girls and move them to a new school, let alone find jobs for both of us

amother

Skyblue

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:20 pm

It’s not all or nothing. I can’t afford the clothing here for myself and don’t buy expensive roasts either. I got lucky with my house buying it before the rush. But you can find stretches and clothing at heads of class outlet in GG south

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:21 pm

I don’t think I ever stepped foot in a fancy store. Why are you going in there? There are so many cheap options. About shopping I don’t know anyone who fills their cart with fancy roasts. I’m also a little involved in my shul’s tzedakah fund and the number of actually poor people is significant. I think you need to reframe. At least half this place is poor if not more. Find new stores.

amother

Outerspace

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:23 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

The clothing there is cheaper, but not so cheap. Stretchies are around $25 and outfits are $35 and up. And they are not this years items
For people on a limited budget, if might work, but for a super tight budget, it’s still too much.

amother

Strawberry

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:24 pm

Hi OP,

I think this could be said by anyone living anywhere - unless they are in the top percent, they probably look at what others have and wonder how they are unable to afford to live that lifestyle.

OP, I guarantee you are overlooking the many who do not have the money to live that lifestyle, to have a house, etc.

But as someone who actually lived through poor times as a child, now living in a rented apartment, buying from serindipity and getting hand me downs for the kids, and not sending the kids to clubs because I can't afford it leaves me feeling wealthy. Because we're not in debt.

Just because there are big spenders here doesn't mean everyone else has to live that way. And just because you don't live that way doesn't mean you are poor or less than. I live that way, and I don't see myself the way you describe.

**OP, it may be that you are indeed "poor" as you stated in your title, but nothing in your post screams of poverty. Regardless of your situation, I daven for you - that Hashem should improve your financial situation, and help you to be happy and find contentment in your finances regardless of how much you spend.

amother

Firethorn

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:31 pm

amother Strawberry wrote:

I hear OP. We’re probably no tighter than her but where I live OOT it’s fully normal that my kids wear target and children’s place for $3 a stretchy so I don’t feel bad about it…

amother

Skyblue

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:31 pm

amother Outerspace wrote:

They had sale last month everything $10
This month everything $15
And they last about a week or two weeks

So if you follow their WhatsApp status you’ll see when they have store wide

And they are last years items whcih are perfectly fine and look great. Especially the stretches for babies. Dresses for girls. Sweaters for boys. You can get solid things on their 10-15,dollar sales

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:37 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

I’m not disagreeing. In my circles, everyone buys everything in the beginning of the season or most of it. I know I am being petty but even that fact-that I can’t just go buy a bunch of dresses without worrying about it-makes me sad. I am grateful for everything I have, it’s just hard when I don’t feel like I belong in the regular system. (In this example, clothing related)

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s your circles you keep problem not a Lakewood problem. You can surround yourself by people more similar to you. It’s a choice.

amother

Broom

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

I really get you. Your crowd makes a big difference. I'm a teacher and I live in a simple area. That means less pressure (although I still feel it big time!)

amother

Skyblue

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:45 pm

They also all order off ali express. So try there!! Many cute matching things kids. Also for yourself. There are WhatsApp groups with links to Ali express fashion

Trust me. We aren’t all rich here. Be confident in your money and yourself. Make it as though you want to save because that’s more exciting for you!

amother

Brass

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 6:58 pm

I always buy on sale for my kids for the next season. I just bought on lil leggs when they were 70 off last motzai shabbos a huge order of polos for my son, skirts and shirts for my older daughter, dresses for my younger daughter, and sets for my baby
If you know where to look and buy in advance you can really do well!
I bought stretchies in sage a couple weeks ago when the whole store was 40 off. They came out to about $12 a stretchie.
Pouf has bogo on their site and the stretchies come to $13 a piece after the sale.

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 7:00 pm

Can you buy outfits now for next year? I feel like most wouldn't be able to tell that it's a season behind as long as it's jewish looking..

I don't live in Lakewood but my SIL who does shops this way and her kids still look sharp... or they go to the fancy outlets and pay cost price

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 7:02 pm

amother Brass wrote:

Is the bogo still going on?

amother

Stoneblue

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 7:03 pm

I understand OP, I run in the same circles as you. I do buy expensive clothing, but I buy a lot in sale and we were lucky to buy it house before dovid in what is now an unaffordable neighborhood in Jackson
I honestly find the best thing to work on is CONFIDENCE

amother

Grape

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 7:07 pm

Idk I watch everyone working 9-2 with their food stamps and buying fancy houses on hud when I’ll prob never be able to afford anything working my tail off paying up student loans etc, and not eligible for any programs. Makes me wonder why I don’t live the high life like everyone else (except it’s too late as I already went to school and have debt now). I know I need to move somewhere where people believe in work ethic and not living this grandiose lifestyle off other people but my dh is happy here in bmg…

giftedmom

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 8:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

By circles do you mean family?
Because otherwise, here in Brooklyn, the stores are more packed at their 70% off sale than at the beginning of the season. I don’t know what regular system you reference. I can easily afford to buy at the beginning of the season but I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to pay 70$ for something that I can get for 15$ 3-4 months later.