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Forum
-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries
NechaMom
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 Thu, Jan 11 2024, 7:50 pm
| amother Linen wrote: | Love this!
Can you please post a link for childbirth stockings? |
Thigh highs 
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amother
Linen
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Thu, Jan 11 2024, 7:55 pm
I don't think thigh highs are dressy enough!
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shirachadasha
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Thu, Jan 11 2024, 8:25 pm
| amother Cherry wrote: | | I’ve been struggling with the differences between those 2 words for probably over 30 years… |
I would still be meshadech with you.
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amother
Lemonlime
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Thu, Jan 11 2024, 8:40 pm
| amother Beige wrote: | I'm not saying I would nix a match because a mother walks around in a snood, but it's definitely a certain type.
Sorry. It doesnt look put together. Sure we all need to once in awhile run out and we don't put on a wig. but people who show up to appointments or are constantly shopping in a snood, even clothing stores? What's up with that? |
What’s up with this weird attitude? Sefaradim hold that snoods are better than wigs. I think I look great with a scarf and makeup and jewelry. I get so many compliments and I’m very confident and comfortable in what I wear. And bonus my dh loves it when I wear it. A scarf can look very put together and is very socially acceptable but judging others isn’t
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amother
Peony
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Thu, Jan 11 2024, 8:52 pm
To quote Harvard President Gray “It depends on the context”. 
Two children recently started Shidduchim, boy and a girl. I find that it depends. If you are looking for very poshut Kensington etc. type Shidduchim I don’t think a snood will hurt. But if your DC is put together and wants to marry into a family that is put together, and/ or parents that have a middle class standard of living and professional type jobs, then walking around in a snood all the time will greatly shrunk your pool of potential Shidduchim.
Families usually look for similar type and if you are known by friends and neighbors as someone who walks around exclusively in a snood and very simply and comfortable families that consider themselves more put together will look elsewhere.
I would love to walk around in a snood, make a kiddush with sponge cake and coke in my house, dress my Shidduchim age girls in Walmart cheap out of style coats and Payless type shoes etc. and tell the world to go jump in the lake. But there are realities.
As it is I wear a sheitel and am fairly conforming but we live simply. We don’t fly out for winter vacation that because we can’t afford to but because we have no need to. We drive sn older model car because it still drives just fine. And we do hear back from some mothers that we aren’t a fit because they are looking for “balebatish” lifestyle. Kol hakavod, and hatzlacha. You are not for us. But there is a baseline.
As you get older and More mature you see the world beyond yourself and the way it OUGHT to be. You have kids, they have friends, a social circle, neighbors, and yes, Shidduchim to think about. It’s not living your life for everyone else. It’s conforming to a degree and expressing your individuality in other ways. If you want to insist on dressing below the usual standards you are far better off moving to Baltimore or Teaneck or other locations where you will fit in rather than trying to be Abraham Ha’ivri in Lakewood.
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amother
Tulip
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 12:36 am
| amother Peony wrote: | To quote Harvard President Gray “It depends on the context”.
Two children recently started Shidduchim, boy and a girl. I find that it depends. If you are looking for very poshut Kensington etc. type Shidduchim I don’t think a snood will hurt. But if your DC is put together and wants to marry into a family that is put together, and/ or parents that have a middle class standard of living and professional type jobs, then walking around in a snood all the time will greatly shrunk your pool of potential Shidduchim.
Families usually look for similar type and if you are known by friends and neighbors as someone who walks around exclusively in a snood and very simply and comfortable families that consider themselves more put together will look elsewhere.
I would love to walk around in a snood, make a kiddush with sponge cake and coke in my house, dress my Shidduchim age girls in Walmart cheap out of style coats and Payless type shoes etc. and tell the world to go jump in the lake. But there are realities.
As it is I wear a sheitel and am fairly conforming but we live simply. We don’t fly out for winter vacation that because we can’t afford to but because we have no need to. We drive sn older model car because it still drives just fine. And we do hear back from some mothers that we aren’t a fit because they are looking for “balebatish” lifestyle. Kol hakavod, and hatzlacha. You are not for us. But there is a baseline.
As you get older and More mature you see the world beyond yourself and the way it OUGHT to be. You have kids, they have friends, a social circle, neighbors, and yes, Shidduchim to think about. It’s not living your life for everyone else. It’s conforming to a degree and expressing your individuality in other ways. If you want to insist on dressing below the usual standards you are far better off moving to Baltimore or Teaneck or other locations where you will fit in rather than trying to be Abraham Ha’ivri in Lakewood. |
is this for real? I have children in shidduchim as well and I'm trying to understand how you equate your shidduch age children wearing payless (which no longer exists, btw) and me, the mother, wearing a snood to the grocery store. And you see, with all your hard work to try to fit in, people are still saying no to you...
It's not, in my opinion, about shaitels or tichels, it's about like marrying like, which I think is a GOOD thing. If the girl comes from an upper class home, she's never going to be happy marrying into my very simple, middle class family. I can wear a shaitel every day of the week, and that's not going to change the reality that the families are simply not a match.
I guess I have good kids who speak for themselves, because I very rarely get "no's" even though I walk around in a snood basically everywhere.
And check out the thread about questions to ask in shidduchim. I haven't yet seen anyone suggest they ask - does the mother wear a snood or a shaitel to the grocery store? Waiting for it...
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amother
Gardenia
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 1:45 am
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Didn’t read through everything and I’m in Israel where you can wear whatever you want. But all I can say is I wouldn’t want to marry into a family that really cared exactly how I covered my hair. It’s between the kids not between the parents. But then again, I wouldn’t care if the child came a family that was religious or converts. One of the reasons I love living in Israel is that at least her I live people are not so judgmental. I mean maybe behind closed door, but I have two kids that have gotten married no problem and I rarely wear a wig.
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amother
Peony
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 1:53 am
| amother Tulip wrote: | is this for real? I have children in shidduchim as well and I'm trying to understand how you equate your shidduch age children wearing payless (which no longer exists, btw) and me, the mother, wearing a snood to the grocery store. And you see, with all your hard work to try to fit in, people are still saying no to you...
It's not, in my opinion, about shaitels or tichels, it's about like marrying like, which I think is a GOOD thing. If the girl comes from an upper class home, she's never going to be happy marrying into my very simple, middle class family. I can wear a shaitel every day of the week, and that's not going to change the reality that the families are simply not a match.
I guess I have good kids who speak for themselves, because I very rarely get "no's" even though I walk around in a snood basically everywhere.
And check out the thread about questions to ask in shidduchim. I haven't yet seen anyone suggest they ask - does the mother wear a snood or a shaitel to the grocery store? Waiting for it... |
You always get a yes when looking into a boy unsolicited for your girl? Wow. You must be really special. Most girls have a much harder time unless they strictly wait for boys side to approach them with a yes.
We don’t ask snood or sheitel but when asking for a family description we often hear something like “the mother is very down to earth and comfortable with herself. She doesn’t need to dress up and use makeup every time she goes out. A snood (or tichel/scarf etc.) is just fine with her.”
It paints a certain picture. I happen to be ok with it but I know that many aren’t.
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amother
Birch
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 2:03 am
I feel dressed in a wig. My hair doesn’t stay completely covered in a (pretied/chenille) snood. I’m now married over 10 years and will watch my kids in front of my house in a snood, but past that? I wear a wig.
And when I’m giving birth I want to feel like a person, not just another helpless patient. I’ve worn my wig during labor.
Just because I have standards for myself doesn’t mean that I care what everyone else does. Most people in my neighborhood will leave their houses in snoods. It just is a type. That’s ok….
And just to make ppl aware- there is a big difference between ppl that wear scarves and dress up in them when going grocery shopping, and the wig/tichel wearers who just leave the house in the chenille snood she’s been wearing since her shower the night before.
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Dolly Welsh
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 4:45 am
Happy medium: a synthetic wig.
Lightweight, not complicated to wear. Washes in the sink.
You might keep a few around to see if they come in handy.
Use a wig cap under it, when outside the house. That is more comfortable.
You just throw it on. It's so cheap you aren't worried about it. They keep their curl and style, no setting. No worry about rain.
But if you have long hair you would pin it up first.
Can people tell? Some might, maybe. But it is still a wig.
It could be your just-go-shopping wig, and use a more expensive wig for more serious occasions.
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imaima
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 4:51 am
| amother Copper wrote: | Sorry, idk about shidduchim, but it does seem a little socially off to me for people to walk around in a snood
As frum people we don’t have the “luxury” of looking chic in casual clothing
I would almost never go anywhere, even on a walk on shabbos afternoon, in a snood
(I even gave birth to my oldest two kids in a wig)
I do find that I carry myself and act differently when I am dressed well than when I am dressed shlumpy |
Yea but what does it have to do with your kids getting married?
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amother
Almond
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 4:53 am
| nightingale1 wrote: | | By the way, affect is a verb. Effect is a noun. |
Can this be a pinned post? 
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amother
Almond
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 4:54 am
| Hashem_Yaazor wrote: | Not 100% accurate though usually the case in our vernacular.
You affect someone or something in how you influence or change them which is the most common use of the word, it creates an effect which is what happens when a change is made and also the most common use of "effect", but you can effect change (cause it to happen) or have an affect (emotional state of being). |
Posted too soon.
This should be the pinned one
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notshanarishona
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 5:02 am
It’s a great way to weed out the spoiled people you don’t want to be meshadech with. That’s actually a great idea to start doing a year or two before your child’s shidduchim.
To answer your question, it probably rules out some people but most people don’t choose a shidduch by how the mother dresses unless she appears super shlumpy or dysfunctional.
If the snood is part of the dress of not wearing a bra, raggedy oversized clothes, etc then that’s a different thing than someone who dresses normally with a coordinated tichel.
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kenz
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 5:24 am
“As frum people we don’t have the “luxury” of looking chic in casual clothing”
What on earth does this mean? I happen to look very chic in casual clothing, if I do say so myself. 😆
I run out to the grocery in pretied tichels all the time, but I would never go clothes shopping in one because I want to see how I look in something fully dressed as I would be when wearing it. But I couldn’t care less if I see someone else clothes shopping in one. What does it have to do with me?
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amother
Chestnut
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 5:42 am
| amother Peony wrote: | To quote Harvard President Gray “It depends on the context”.
Two children recently started Shidduchim, boy and a girl. I find that it depends. If you are looking for very poshut Kensington etc. type Shidduchim I don’t think a snood will hurt. But if your DC is put together and wants to marry into a family that is put together, and/ or parents that have a middle class standard of living and professional type jobs, then walking around in a snood all the time will greatly shrunk your pool of potential Shidduchim.
Families usually look for similar type and if you are known by friends and neighbors as someone who walks around exclusively in a snood and very simply and comfortable families that consider themselves more put together will look elsewhere.
I would love to walk around in a snood, make a kiddush with sponge cake and coke in my house, dress my Shidduchim age girls in Walmart cheap out of style coats and Payless type shoes etc. and tell the world to go jump in the lake. But there are realities.
As it is I wear a sheitel and am fairly conforming but we live simply. We don’t fly out for winter vacation that because we can’t afford to but because we have no need to. We drive sn older model car because it still drives just fine. And we do hear back from some mothers that we aren’t a fit because they are looking for “balebatish” lifestyle. Kol hakavod, and hatzlacha. You are not for us. But there is a baseline.
As you get older and More mature you see the world beyond yourself and the way it OUGHT to be. You have kids, they have friends, a social circle, neighbors, and yes, Shidduchim to think about. It’s not living your life for everyone else. It’s conforming to a degree and expressing your individuality in other ways. If you want to insist on dressing below the usual standards you are far better off moving to Baltimore or Teaneck or other locations where you will fit in rather than trying to be Abraham Ha’ivri in Lakewood. |
My dh and I are in professional jobs.
We have friends who are in even cooler higher paying jobs. Nevertheless the wife wears a hat to all her Jewish functions, also on shabbes. We wear wigs for work when we are with non-Jews but frankly, after work I do everything in a beanie hat. If I were a wig for too long, I get a headache.
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amother
Orchid
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 6:01 am
I live in Israel and wear shaitels only to simchas pretty much. I will travel across the country with a tichel. And I've BH married off kids.
I'm surprised by people using pretieds as the alternative though. I thought those were completely out of style. I mostly see people wearing tichels that they tie themselves. I loved pretieds but haven't been able to find any in at least 2 years.
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amother
Whitewash
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 7:03 am
| amother Peony wrote: | You always get a yes when looking into a boy unsolicited for your girl? Wow. You must be really special. Most girls have a much harder time unless they strictly wait for boys side to approach them with a yes.
We don’t ask snood or sheitel but when asking for a family description we often hear something like “the mother is very down to earth and comfortable with herself. She doesn’t need to dress up and use makeup every time she goes out. A snood (or tichel/scarf etc.) is just fine with her.”
It paints a certain picture. I happen to be ok with it but I know that many aren’t. |
I've served as a shidduch reference and I've never had anyone ask about how the mother dresses let alone snood vs sheitel. Any question about style, tznius, or wardrobe is about the girl only.
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amother
PlumPink
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 7:14 am
The simple answer IMHO is YES.
Your children's shidduchim will be affected by you wearing a snood most of the time. The reality is it's a "type" and some people are very much not that type and will therefore not consider your children. However, if that is your type and you want to walk around in a snood most of the time then those kind of shidduchim - the people who won't look at you because of your snood - are clearly not your style.
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amother
Thistle
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Fri, Jan 12 2024, 7:17 am
| amother Orchid wrote: | I live in Israel and wear shaitels only to simchas pretty much. I will travel across the country with a tichel. And I've BH married off kids.
I'm surprised by people using pretieds as the alternative though. I thought those were completely out of style. I mostly see people wearing tichels that they tie themselves. I loved pretieds but haven't been able to find any in at least 2 years. |
I love pretieds, tying the scarf each time is an extra step that annoys me. I buy pretieds that come with grip so they stay on. Sure hope they’re not too out of style!
You can order online from scarf bar or tieurknot.
https://scarfbarshop.com/
https://thetieurknot.com/
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