How horrible is it to change a bracelet bought for a kallah

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amother

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 3:53 pm

Dd was very nervous to say yes

but she did

and she got engaged

and she is now having commitment regret if that's a thing

on top of that she is devastated with the bracelet she got

it's just.....very cheap and fake looking and below standard of her friends

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW

but how do I deal with this?

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 3:56 pm

I wouldnt change it. It is what it is.
If you have the means you can buy her a different bracelet in a different style like with colored stones(very in now) or a gold link with or without diamonds...

amother

Darkblue

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 3:57 pm

She needs to stop comparing herself to her friends or her resentment will only increase over the years.
It’s really rude to ask to change a present unless there were different options and she wants to choose a different bracelet she was offered

amother

Hydrangea

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 3:57 pm

Please clarify: Your dd is regretting accepting the engagement or just accepting the bracelet?

icedcoffee

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 3:58 pm

Sounds like the bracelet is the much smaller issue here. Does she want to marry this guy?

amother

Darkblue

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 3:58 pm

Is she having commitment regret or is she noticing signs that are scaring her?

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 3:58 pm

Is she upset about the bracelet or about the guy?
I also felt like my kallah bracelet was very cheap looking and I never liked it. It upsets me, even now 15 years later. But I was thrilled with the person I was engaged to so I was able to overlook it.

Odelyah

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 3:59 pm

not sure the bracelet is the main issue here--how does she really feel about the chassan?
why was she so nervous? does she want to marry him?

ChossidMom

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

In one breath you say that she is having regrets AND that she is not happy with her bracelet?
Which is it? Does she want to break off the engagement? What's going on?

Regarding jewelry, in our circles the mother of the chosson buys the jewelry for the kallah. I gave the jewelry store a budget and sent the kallah to choose her own bracelet. I guess it doesn't work like that in the States... If the mother in law didn't give her an option to exchange, then I guess it's not an option and she has to live with it. I am more concerned about her "commitment regret".

amother

Ruby

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:01 pm

Did they offer her a few options for the bracelet at the vort and she regrets picking the one she did?

amother

Clematis

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

Would a "better" bracelet help the commitment regret?I would be more worried about the second than the first.
Is she using the bracelet as an excuse?

amother

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:03 pm

she isn't sure she wants to marry him Crying

which makes the bracelet situation be like stepping on a newly healed scab

dunno how to go about this

I want to hide

kenz

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:04 pm

I didn’t love my kallah bracelet either. I lived with it for a while, didn’t wear it very often, and eventually traded it in for a bracelet I love on my own (I.e. sold it for gold and used the money towards a new one). I wouldn’t have felt comfortable saying anything as a kallah though.
It honestly sounds like it’s not the bracelet she’s unsure of.

amother

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:04 pm

really really we both agree that it's absolutely callous and low to even consider switching up the bracelet

kenz

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

she isn't sure she wants to marry him Crying

which makes the bracelet situation be like stepping on a newly healed scab

dunno how to go about this

I want to hide

She needs to talk it through with someone asap.

amother

Babypink

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:04 pm

I urge you to find out if she really wants to marry this guy.
A kallah should be really excited to be getting married.
I know. I have an engaged son and he is walking around googly eyed and so is his kallah. They are not seeing each other or speaking as per our rebbe's decree but just mention her name and he goes all gaga. His kallah is equally excited and can't stop sending regards to him when I speak with her ("warm" regards).
As the mother of a daughter who was married for a very brief time, I assure you that you want to establish her feelings about this guy before she stands under the chupa with him. Divorce is alot more painful than a broken engagement.

ChossidMom

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:06 pm

kenz wrote:

She needs to talk it through with someone asap.

THIS THIS THIS. Fast.

amother

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:08 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

I urge you to find out if she really wants to marry this guy.

As the mother of a daughter who was married for a very brief time, I assure you that you want to establish her feelings about this guy before she stands under the chupa with him. Divorce is alot more painful than a broken engagement.

I know

I feel like in a nightmare

what type of therapist does one reach out to for something like this?

ChossidMom

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

I know

I feel like in a nightmare

what type of therapist does one reach out to for something like this?

I wonder if it has to be a therapist. What about a dating coach? There is one with a column in Mishpacha.

BatyaEsther

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 4:15 pm

Just want to wish you and DD clarity and ease whatever she decides. She should have mazel and bracha.

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