Is it rude/not tznius to tell a man "Ima's in the shower"?

amother

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:05 am

My 7-year-old son said this to a man who called while I was in the shower. My kids know not to say that someone's in the bathroom, but do you think it's also inappropriate to tell a man that I'm in the shower?

amother

Teal

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:09 am

amother OP wrote:

I think it's weird, but not the end of the world.
Teach them to say "my mother is not available" for any reason that you can't pick up the phone at the moment.
But a 7 year old needs to be taught this, too young to understand on their own.

amother

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:09 am

amother Acacia wrote:

Nope. He's a young kid, give him a break.

I'm not thinking about the kid at all. I'm thinking about the person who he told it to. I was absolutely not going to discipline my son for it or even bring it up.

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:10 am

It is not tznius, but I wouldn't harp on it. He's just a little kid. I would however give your kids lines to say so they are prepared. "I'm sorry, my mom can't come to the phone/door right now. Can I take a message?" "She's not available..."

LovesHashem

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:11 am

amother Teal wrote:

This

amother

Teal

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:11 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm not thinking about the kid at all. I'm thinking about the person who he told it to. I was absolutely not going to discipline my son for it or even bring it up.

Why not? I think it's a good teaching moment. "When mommy/daddy... can't pick up the phone, we tell the caller that mommy is not available."

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:11 am

I dnt think it's tznius for a man to know that but I also think the guy knew ur son is young and kids do socially off things all the time. It wasn't like u asked him to tell him that info....kind of like when kids tell their teachers embarrassing stories about us

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:11 am

I don't know about tznius, but I wouldn't want any man knowing what I'm doing when I'm in a vulnerable position or in a state that would take me time to get my bearings together to protect my family. That includes sleeping, dressing, showering, nursing, wearing headphones ect. My kids are trained to say mommy isn't available, can I take a message? And keep on repeating that line no matter what they ask.

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:12 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm not thinking about the kid at all. I'm thinking about the person who he told it to. I was absolutely not going to discipline my son for it or even bring it up.

I wouldn't worry about the guy. I'm sure he's spoken to young children before.

WhatFor

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:39 am

amother Teal wrote:

Why not? I think it's a good teaching moment. "When mommy/daddy... can't pick up the phone, we tell the caller that mommy is not available."

I agree with this but for so many reasons. Today it was the shower, you never know what a kid says tomorrow that you really wish people hadn't known. "Mommy isn't available" is the best and easiest way.

Also, maybe it's far-fetched a bit, but also for safety reasons. You never know who's calling a house and from where and it's best that whomever it is doesn't know that you're in a locked room and can't really hear anything that's happening outside.

But it doesn't even have to be related to that call, if you think it will make the kid feel bad. Just a general announcement to all the kids.

chanatron1000

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:43 am

As a general rule, it's best not to offer any unsolicited extra information, and kids should know that.

amother

IndianRed

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 10:03 am

amother Teal wrote:

Why not? I think it's a good teaching moment. "When mommy/daddy... can't pick up the phone, we tell the caller that mommy is not available."

She said she wasn’t going to discipline him. She didn’t say she wasn’t going to tell him what to say in the future. Smile

amother

Teal

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 10:24 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

She said she wasn’t going to discipline him. She didn’t say she wasn’t going to tell him what to say in the future. Smile

OP said she's not going to even bring it up with her child, hence my reply that it's a good teaching moment.

amother

Quince

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 10:43 am

To answer your question, yes it is inappropriate.
In a way even more inappropriate than saying in the bathroom.

Best response to teach kids is to say she is not available.

amother

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 10:48 am

Thanks for the replies. We'll make this into a teaching moment.

The reason I asked is because the caller happens to be someone who I've noticed struggles with his eyes, if you get my drift. (Hint: They tend to dart away from my face midconversation.) So when my son told me that he told him I was showering, my heart sank. But then I thought maybe I was overthinking it because it was this particular person.

dena613

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 10:51 am

amother OP wrote:

Can you stop having connection with this person?
If you are feeling uncomfortable around them, its probably for good reason.

amother

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 10:53 am

dena613 wrote:

Can you stop having connection with this person?
If you are feeling uncomfortable around them, its probably for good reason.

I haven't seen him in months. Every now and then, we have valid reason to cross paths though.

Cheiny

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 4:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

He’s a kid, he can’t be expected what’s appropriate and what isn’t. You should tell him in general to just say you are not available and that’s it.

NechaMom

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 4:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn’t want my kids to give details about my whereabouts to the caller even if it was a woman. Not if I’m in the bathroom, nursing, showering, or otherwise unavailable.
Honestly, I wouldn’t want my 7 year old to pick up the phone for me at all. If I’m unavailable I can always call back. That’s what caller ID is for.
But you should definitely teach the child phone etiquette. The only proper answer is that you’re not available.