Boys are jealous of girls

amother

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:22 pm

My boys are jealous of my girls. I'm taking the girls for an overnight trip for midwinter vacation. The boys schools are very strict about taking them out. So we decided dh will take ds's on a fun day trip after school plus ice cream and dinner out and buy a movie. But boys still keep making comments how the girls are spoiled and the lucky ones and they doing dumb trip.
How do I deal with this. I almost want to cancel the boys trip and take them a diff time when they will appreciate it as oppose to the attitude they have now

ShishKabob

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:24 pm

I totally understand the boys. It's really not fair. Maybe you can work it out to take them on an overnight, just them lets say summertime or when they are off for vacation.

amother

Outerspace

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:25 pm

They have a legitimate reason to be jealous
All because the complaining annoys you doesn’t mean it’s not valid
Taking away their trip won’t help anyone but it will make the problem worse

amother

Mocha

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:27 pm

Did they know about the differences in trips originally? Were they okay with it initially and only now being upset?

I think its fair for them to feel upset, even though you have a fun day for them planned. They clearly feel like they arent getting equal treatment or that their trip isnt the same "level". Theyre entitled to feel that way, and I would work with them to see what would make it better that they see it as the same type of fun trip.

Personally, I would not take some kids on a vacation and leave others at home, unless the ones staying behind were okay with what they were getting when it was their turn.

amother

Mustard

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

They are rightfully jealous. Your girls are going overnight and they get dinner and a movie? If my kids were similar ages...and they are...I wouldn't divide up trips like that. It's one thing if the boys are older and away but if your all living at home together I get why the boys are upset.

mha3484

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:30 pm

I assume we are talking about elementary school aged kids. It doesnt feel good that their sisters get what they perceive as a more fun trip while they have school. Honestly, I would feel bad if I was them. An overnight trip feels way cooler then a day trip. If I cant take all my kids away on the same level I would take none. Or can you promise them a boys over night trip later in the year in a time that works for their schedule?

I would empathize with them vs threatening them.

Last edited by mha3484 on Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

giftedmom

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:31 pm

Disagree with the other posters. Girls and boys are different. Sometimes the girls have it better and sometimes the boys. I think it’s healthy for kids to know this.

mha3484

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:33 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Disagree with the other posters. Girls and boys are different. Sometimes the girls have it better and sometimes the boys. I think it’s healthy for kids to know this.

I don't disagree with this but a vacation with your parents is not the the way to learn. You can say now your sisters have off so they are going to X place but bein hazmanim tatty will take you to Y place which is at the same level. I think that's a better way to teach differences vs one gets a way cooler trip then the other.

amother

Chambray

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:33 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Disagree with the other posters. Girls and boys are different. Sometimes the girls have it better and sometimes the boys. I think it’s healthy for kids to know this.

I may have read incorrectly, I thought the ice cream and movie were on the day of the girls trip but the boys will have a different day off at a later point in time.

giftedmom

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:39 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Hmmm
My boys just had a very fun trip with their dad. My girls are fine. They got to go to American dream on Chanukah. The boys weren’t thrilled then. It’s not tit for tat.

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:40 pm

Boys get so much more than girls in general. I agree that it’s healthy for them to be told they will have their time. They should have a night away scheduled so they know they will have a turn at x time.

giftedmom

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:41 pm

I mean boys get a huge party at 3 and then another huge simcha at 13 with tons of gifts. Girls get more off days so more outings.
Men and women each have their perks in life. I don’t see the benefit in trying to even everything out all the time.

mha3484

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:45 pm

I could also say my boys go to school 6 days a week, they have a much more intense curriculum, they have school through July. My 7th grader gets on the minyan bus at 7:20 and he is one of the last stops. The first kid gets on at 7am, and doesn't come home until close to 5. They have more school days then the girls overall. I hate playing the who has it easier game everything in life has a tradeoff but I just don't go for the idea of a family trip which should create good memories is the way to explain that to them. It just makes them feel resentful.

Last edited by mha3484 on Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Lightpink

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:48 pm

giftedmom wrote:

I think these boys would trade two parties, one of which is in an awful stage of life and that girls also have, any day for having school 5 days a week and more vacation.

amother

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:49 pm

amother Mustard wrote:

No day trip trampoline park and bowling plus movie and dinner

amother

Molasses

Fri, Jan 26 2024, 2:49 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

I think these boys would trade two parties, one of which is in an awful stage of life and that girls also have, any day for having school 5 days a week and more vacation.

And trade all the gifts and $ and attention too?