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-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
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amother
Whitesmoke
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 Mon, Jan 29 2024, 9:42 am
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I would want to know what is bothering her. There needs to be a reason for her question and I can't imagine that it is about the surface level. If it is surface level, its not her concern but I would think it would be some sort if two step from the cleaning lady issue that she isn't bringing up outright.
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amother
Firethorn
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 9:47 am
Is she offering to clean instead?
We were a house full of girls. Our parents made us clean after ourselves even though we had a cleaning lady. We also weren't supposed to be sitting around while she worked.
We never questioned why my mother had help though.
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amother
Catmint
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 9:49 am
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I tell my kids all the time when u have ur home ur welcome to run it anyway u want but as long as ur living in my house it’s my rules have a nice day
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amother
Banana
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 9:53 am
| amother Whitesmoke wrote: | | I would want to know what is bothering her. There needs to be a reason for her question and I can't imagine that it is about the surface level. If it is surface level, its not her concern but I would think it would be some sort if two step from the cleaning lady issue that she isn't bringing up outright. |
This. I also think that there's probably a deeper reason for her asking.
Maybe she thinks that there's something going on with her mom because mom doesn't do the regular housework? Maybe she thinks it's dysfunctional to have cleaning help every day to do basic stuff she see's other mom's doing, and this may just make her feel self conscious?
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amother
Buttercup
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 11:25 am
Do her friends have cleaning help? Maybe it was a discussion with her friends and it came up somehow.
I wouldn't think into it too deeply though. If she can articulate the question then she can articulate why she asked it.
Enjoy your cleaning help. It's something some of us can only dream of.
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amother
Whitewash
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:05 pm
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Have you asked her why she doesn't want the cleaning lady?
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amother
Eggplant
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:21 pm
I'm curious why she doesn't want the cleaning lady either.
As a teen I would have LOVED to have a cleaning lady. I had to clean toilets and bathrooms, vacuum, wash dishes, mop the floor.... I would have loved to pass that on to someone else.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:26 pm
| amother Sage wrote: | Can you find out if it’s perhaps a deeper issue for her? I agree with other posters it’s none of her business and she isn’t owed any explanations, unless:
It’s something truly affecting her mental health. I personally suffer from anxiety and depression, and strangers are very difficult for me to be around. I find cleaning ladies to be very hard for me to deal with, I would not be able to handle having one in my home.
I’m not saying that’s what your DDs reasoning is, I’m saying that’s the only explanation that I could see her having a valid opinion. Otherwise you just say:
When you have your own house, you don’t need to have a cleaning lady. This is my house and what I want and I don’t have to explain it |
This makes so much sense. The cleaning lady works flexible hours, so whenever she has two hours to come around she does. I feel that it's the best way to hold onto a cleaning lady around here when she can easily do a full day in one house. So DD doesn't have warning before she comes. She's complained that she can't find some things (they should have been in her room) because I tell the CL to just throw things out and not make piles all over the house. She's also complained that she hates coming out of the shower and being caught by surprise with the CL vacuuming the hallway. She shouldn't be coming out in a towel but whatever. She complains that she gets interrupted when the CL comes in to put her laundry away. I've tried telling the CL to leave it at her door but she steps over it and it stays there for days. It drove me crazy.
So the anxiety and lack of privacy might have some truth to it. In general she's not an anxious kid. I might have to ask the CL to give me a heads up when she's on the way so that DD knows to expect her. I dread telling her to skip DD's room because it will never, ever get cleaned otherwise.
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amother
Cherry
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:28 pm
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This is such an odd discussion to have with a daughter. Your house, your choice. I'm puzzled as to why she has an opinion in the first place.
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amother
Mintgreen
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:44 pm
| amother OP wrote: | This makes so much sense. The cleaning lady works flexible hours, so whenever she has two hours to come around she does. I feel that it's the best way to hold onto a cleaning lady around here when she can easily do a full day in one house. So DD doesn't have warning before she comes. She's complained that she can't find some things (they should have been in her room) because I tell the CL to just throw things out and not make piles all over the house. She's also complained that she hates coming out of the shower and being caught by surprise with the CL vacuuming the hallway. She shouldn't be coming out in a towel but whatever. She complains that she gets interrupted when the CL comes in to put her laundry away. I've tried telling the CL to leave it at her door but she steps over it and it stays there for days. It drove me crazy.
So the anxiety and lack of privacy might have some truth to it. In general she's not an anxious kid. I might have to ask the CL to give me a heads up when she's on the way so that DD knows to expect her. I dread telling her to skip DD's room because it will never, ever get cleaned otherwise. |
I totally get that- I don’t like coming home from work and my own cleaning lady is still cleaning my apartment lol I prefer coming home and she is done and not there so I can do my own stuff and not feel in her way. But I still need the help so it is what it is. So I understand your daughter’s discomfort but I think it is just something she will need to deal with.
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chanatron1000
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:51 pm
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Does she generally have difficulty keeping her things together? Maybe she feels like all her stuff is being taken and it's out of her control because she doesn't have the skills to keep everything organized.
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GLUE
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:52 pm
| imaima wrote: | My teen dd was having first world problems because the cleaning lady misplaced her things (that were all over the floor).
Now she gets to clean her own room. I told the lady to skip dd‘s bedroom |
This is not only a first world problem
People in 3rd world's tend to have more cleaning help then those in first worlds.
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amother
Tanzanite
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:58 pm
| GLUE wrote: | This is not only a first world problem
People in 3rd world's tend to have more cleaning help then those in first worlds. |
Huh?? Unless you’re referring to the rich people in the 3rd world country… no, poor people don’t have others cleaning their houses.
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kenz
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 12:59 pm
It sounds amazing. I wish I could find someone who would be willing to come 2 hours every day. Good for you! And like everyone else said, it should not even be a conversation. It sounds to me like perhaps your DD would prefer to have a bit more discretionary spending money and feels like perhaps that would be the case if not for the cleaning lady, but she is old enough to figure out a way to earn her own spending money if it is important to her.
Last edited by kenz on Mon, Jan 29 2024, 1:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Tanzanite
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 1:01 pm
| amother OP wrote: | This makes so much sense. The cleaning lady works flexible hours, so whenever she has two hours to come around she does. I feel that it's the best way to hold onto a cleaning lady around here when she can easily do a full day in one house. So DD doesn't have warning before she comes. She's complained that she can't find some things (they should have been in her room) because I tell the CL to just throw things out and not make piles all over the house. She's also complained that she hates coming out of the shower and being caught by surprise with the CL vacuuming the hallway. She shouldn't be coming out in a towel but whatever. She complains that she gets interrupted when the CL comes in to put her laundry away. I've tried telling the CL to leave it at her door but she steps over it and it stays there for days. It drove me crazy.
So the anxiety and lack of privacy might have some truth to it. In general she's not an anxious kid. I might have to ask the CL to give me a heads up when she's on the way so that DD knows to expect her. I dread telling her to skip DD's room because it will never, ever get cleaned otherwise. |
This makes a lot of sense. Your daughter doesn’t have a problem with the cleaning lady per se, her problem is that she’s in her personal space. I totally understand her.
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GLUE
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 1:03 pm
| amother Tanzanite wrote: | | Huh?? Unless you’re referring to the rich people in the 3rd world country… no, poor people don’t have others cleaning their houses. |
Poor people in this country don't have other people cleaning their house.
Middle class people in poor countries have more cleaning help then middle class people in rich countries.
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amother
Marigold
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 2:37 pm
Don’t have her clean yiur daughter’s room.
The cleaning lady didn’t clean my room because it was a mess and so my mother didn’t want to get into battle with me about not keeping it messy. There were more important battles my father would tell her. 
I think I had to change the sheets but otherwise a bedroom doesn’t really get dirty. Any washable stuff I would put in the hamper.
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Princess23
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 11:01 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | She’s here for 2 hours a day and does everything from laundry and linens to polishing silver and peeling vegetables for supper. She costs me less than 1/3 of what I make per hour and for the first time in years I’m at ease. DD simply doesn’t understand why it’s necessary and keeps insisting that we don’t need her. I’ve tried to explain that to me it’s worth the few extra hours of work in exchange for uniforms ironed and the house running smoothly. My extra hours at work don’t impact DD so it’s not resentment that’s making her insist that we don’t need it. I think in her mind she thinks the money could be better spent elsewhere, but it isn’t her money. Besides, if we don’t have the cleaning lady then the burden of the laundry and cleaning falls on me and I hate housework. How can I get her to see that the only reason she has a calm mother is because I come home to a clean house?? |
I use to be like your daughter. When she matures she’ll realize it herself.
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amother
Latte
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Tue, Jan 30 2024, 7:41 am
| GLUE wrote: | Poor people in this country don't have other people cleaning their house.
Middle class people in poor countries have more cleaning help then middle class people in rich countries. |
Why is that?
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Einikel
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Tue, Jan 30 2024, 7:50 am
I'm guessing because cleaning help is way cheaper in poor countries.
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