When do a chosson and kallah arrive for sheva brachos?

amother

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 2:43 pm

My dd is getting married soon, IYH. We’re from OOT (a very small community) but some of the sheva brachos are in Lakewood. One of my friends told me the family should arrive about 10 minutes after the time the sheva brachos is called for, and the chosson and kallah should arrive about 15 minutes after that. Is that what people do in your circles? To me it seems pretty late, to show up 25 minutes after the time on the invite. Am I wrong?

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 2:48 pm

Usually washing is hopefully at half hour after called for.

Personally, I hate when c& k consistently come late every single night by 45 minutes plus.

I never understand how everyone else manages to come out sort of on time and they every single night have to come late and we're all sitting around waiting for them.

Pet peeve.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 2:55 pm

I dont get this whole late thing. What is the point of a starting time if it is known that the chatan and kallah are meant to come after that? Any sheva brachot Ive been to the chatan and kallah come as on time as possible, unless they are coming from far.

TravelHearter

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 2:59 pm

People do this.
Not going to comment about the amount of time, but it does make sense for the chassan and kallah to be the last to arrive. When they come, everyone starts dancing and singing, can you imagine if they came first and stood there waiting for everyone else to show up?

amother

Banana

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 3:03 pm

TravelHearter wrote:

Exactly this.

Also, this is their week. Thet should be shmoozing with eachother and enjoying. Not awkwardly waitng for pple to dribble in.

You realize all the other guests are coming late too. Youll still be syanding around. Youre trying not to be first.

These times actually sound pretty fast.

amother

Maple

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 3:07 pm

I don't know why/when it became a thing for chasson/kallah to purposely arrive late, but that's what's done for some reason.

amother

Eggshell

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 3:10 pm

I would say 30- 40 minutes after called for.

Some people call the start time for pretty early, so that the evening starts at a reasonable time, say 7:30 start time so that by 8:30 it’s fully underway.

amother

Navy

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 3:27 pm

The idea is that the chassan and kallah should walk into an already established event. They are the royalty and everyone is there waiting for them. It also saves from embarassment and/or conflict between them and others if there are running late- I know kallahs who planned to be on time but struggled with their sheitels for awhile, for example.

That being said, people should do what works best for them. I also know a couple kallahs who would much rather have a room fill up around them and greet each guest as they come than walk in and be faced with everyone.

amother

Melon

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 5:59 pm

That’s usually what’s done.
You can also have DD call you when you’re already there and you can tell her if she should come in based on if the guests are there yet.

amother

Moccasin

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 6:48 pm

Personally, I love the ability to have a opportunity to speak to people one on one as they arrive as opposed to walking into an intimidating crowd.

amother

Narcissus

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 6:52 pm

Our families are pretty on time people so we came 20ish minutes after called for time and it was perfect

amother

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:19 pm

For yeshivish Lakewood circles, what’s the typical time the chosson and kallah come? I hear different things on this thread but also some posters aren’t Lakewood types.

amother

NeonGreen

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:21 pm

My husband and I tried very hard to show up on time to every Sheva brochos. It's not nice for the host. I don't know when this became a shtik to show up a very specific amount for time late. A time is a time. And I did not grow up yekkish. It's just mentshlich.

And as far as I'm concerned, the only time chosson and kalla are supposed to make a grand entrance is at the wedding.

Chayalle

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:27 pm

Yeah, Sheva Brachos usually don't run on time, and usually you tell everyone about 1/2 hour earlier than you really expect to start.
The exception would be if there's a real time commitment. Like, the aunts who made DD's first Sheva Brachos, and told us bentching is gonna be finished in time for Uncle to leave to his Daf Yomi Shiur. And the aunts are Yeki (for real). I told DD to be on time.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:41 pm

15 minutes late is super early. The chosson and kallah should come at least 30-40 minutes after it's called for to give all the latecomers a chance to get there first.

amother

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:47 pm

So when I was told they should get there 25 minutes after it’s called for, that was a bit early? They should be around 30 minutes “late” but not more than 40? What do the guests do during that time?

amother

Oxfordblue

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:58 pm

Right 30 minutes late for chosson and kallah so if called for 7:00 guests come 7:15-7:20 and chosson and kallah come 7:30-7:40. Everyone starts washing 7:20. The guests wash and start the first course. When chosson and kallah come in the men sing and dance

meirah1

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 9:21 pm

The first night of Sheva brachos we got there 10 minutes after it was called for and the hostess sent us packing!! She said were "supposed" to be last . We came back 30 minutes later and we were right on time