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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
OP
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 Sat, Feb 10 2024, 4:01 pm
I'm not sure what to do about this this situation.
Many years ago I was single, and had a friend with a lot of small children close together, and very little money. She wasn't the best at coping. I didn't have any more money than she did, but had a lot more spare time. I used to go over and give her a hand, or do some cooking, or take the children out once or twice a week. I babysat when she went to the hospital to have babies, and sometimes I would send her to bed on Thursday night while I finished the cooking. Overall, I helped a lot when she needed it.
Her children got older, and her life got calmer. I got married, and wasn't in a position to help her in the same way. She moved to a different city, and we more or less lost touch, apart from simchas.
I recently got a new job, and shortly after went into a shop down the road from my new workplace. It belonged to this woman's eldest son. (He recognised me - it took me a moment to figure it out.) He insisted on selling me what I wanted at about 50% discount, and told me to always come back to him if he could help
It's not the kind of shop I go into every day, or even every week, but it's very convenient to have it on the spot, and with someone I trust, for when I do need it. On the other hand, I feel uncomfortable about taking such a discount from him. He was only a little boy when I was helping his mother. He doesn't need to repay me!
Do you think it's OK to go to him and take the discount? He owns the shop, so its coming out of his profits. Or should I go somewhere else, where they don't know me, and keep things purely business?
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amother
Peru
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Sat, Feb 10 2024, 4:11 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I'm not sure what to do about this this situation.
Many years ago I was single, and had a friend with a lot of small children close together, and very little money. She wasn't the best at coping. I didn't have any more money than she did, but had a lot more spare time. I used to go over and give her a hand, or do some cooking, or take the children out once or twice a week. I babysat when she went to the hospital to have babies, and sometimes I would send her to bed on Thursday night while I finished the cooking. Overall, I helped a lot when she needed it.
Her children got older, and her life got calmer. I got married, and wasn't in a position to help her in the same way. She moved to a different city, and we more or less lost touch, apart from simchas.
I recently got a new job, and shortly after went into a shop down the road from my new workplace. It belonged to this woman's eldest son. (He recognised me - it took me a moment to figure it out.) He insisted on selling me what I wanted at about 50% discount, and told me to always come back to him if he could help
It's not the kind of shop I go into every day, or even every week, but it's very convenient to have it on the spot, and with someone I trust, for when I do need it. On the other hand, I feel uncomfortable about taking such a discount from him. He was only a little boy when I was helping his mother. He doesn't need to repay me!
Do you think it's OK to go to him and take the discount? He owns the shop, so its coming out of his profits. Or should I go somewhere else, where they don't know me, and keep things purely business? |
Can you tell him? I feel uncomfortabke taking from you at such a steep discount, I appreciate the first time but its really unnecessary im glad I was able to help your mother you dont need to repay me etc also tell him u want to be able to use his shop and you feel weird coming if its 50 percent off
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amother
Jasmine
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Sat, Feb 10 2024, 6:30 pm
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I would just try smoothing it over - next time you go in, thank him, and tell him you'll take the discount next time. Then don't take it next time. Maybe he'll get the hint, maybe not, but you won't have to take the discount and you won't have to hurt his feelings when he's trying to be so decent to you.
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zaq
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Sat, Feb 10 2024, 6:35 pm
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Sometimes, a person doesn't want to feel like a nebach and wants to feel like a gvir; in such a case, you give by taking. The young man wants to show his appreciation; allow him this dignity. However, as 50% is a very steep discount and may be wiping out his profit, agree to a discount of 20% or 10%. And more important, tell everyone you know about his shop and encourage them to shop there.
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amother
Begonia
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Sat, Feb 10 2024, 7:38 pm
This is such a special question!! It warms my heart, good middos all around bh!
Whatever you do OP, keep in mind that sometimes it’s giving Just to take. It’ll make him feel good
Just don’t shop there often
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happy7
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Sat, Feb 10 2024, 8:46 pm
This is a very generous expression of hakaras Hatov. It is likely that he heard his mother mention her gratitude over the years.
Please don’t take your business elsewhere. That is not even helping him make back any of his investment in his merchandise.
Go in, thank him for his generosity and take the discount on one or two items.
Respond to his gratitude with yours.
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amother
Oxfordblue
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Sat, Feb 10 2024, 10:03 pm
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I agree that you should negotiate for a smaller discount. Let him show his hakaras hatov. It probably gives him a good feeling.
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kenz
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Sat, Feb 10 2024, 10:18 pm
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Can he afford it? If yes, enjoy gezunterheit without taking advantage- once every couple of months or whatever. If you’re unsure whether he can really afford it, I agree with everyone else who said be open and discuss it with him. He wants to feel less beholden to you, if it’s not harming him, I would allow it.
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amother
Canary
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Sat, Feb 10 2024, 10:42 pm
Such a special heartwarming post.
I think you should take the 50% 1-2 times and then tell him you want to support him but accept 10-20% off.
I’m just imagining how good he can feel to give you this now, and then to go tell his mother about it, how grateful she would be.
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amother
Arcticblue
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 2:44 am
Please shop by him as mentioned in the above post.
P.s. when people ask you where you bought the items, you will help advertise his store and bring more business. Word of mouth is the strongest form of advertising and worth a lot more than any paid advertisement. A win win for all. Enjoy the discount you deserve it.
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amother
Amaranthus
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 3:35 am
This is such a heart warming thread! Exactly what I needed to see today!
OP - if his buisness is doing well trust me! He wants you to take the discount. There is no greater feeling for him then the feeling that he has a way to repay you for everything you did. And I'm sure his mother appreciates his giving back too!
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amother
NeonPurple
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 8:33 am
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I’m pretty sure halachikly you have to take some sort of discount. Tell him you’d rather take a 10% discount or 18%
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Crookshanks
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 8:58 am
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This post was eye bleach after the Ami thread
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amother
Sage
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 9:24 am
| amother NeonPurple wrote: | | I’m pretty sure halachikly you have to take some sort of discount. Tell him you’d rather take a 10% discount or 18% |
Under what halachos?
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amother
NeonPurple
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 9:37 am
I tried to find the source for this and searched for the last bit. Can’t remember where I read it as I looked in a few places.
I’m saying this because someone once lent someone money or did a favor for someone (can’t remember whic) and and when it came to pay back the loan the lender refused to take the money saying no it’s fine he did it from the kindness of his heart and doesn’t want to loose out on a mitzvah. They ended up going to a Gadol and the Gadol said to him (the lender) not only must you take the money he(the borrower) is giving to you even if you don’t want it your obligated to take it as Ahavas Yisroel (to take the burden off this guys back)
It’s a true story.
When I find the source I will bli neder come back to edit the post.
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Elfrida
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 9:51 am
| amother NeonPurple wrote: | I tried to find the source for this and searched for the last bit. Can’t remember where I read it as I looked in a few places.
I’m saying this because someone once lent someone money or did a favor for someone (can’t remember whic) and and when it came to pay back the loan the lender refused to take the money saying no it’s fine he did it from the kindness of his heart and doesn’t want to loose out on a mitzvah. They ended up going to a Gadol and the Gadol said to him (the lender) not only must you take the money he(the borrower) is giving to you even if you don’t want it your obligated to take it as Ahavas Yisroel (to take the burden off this guys back)
It’s a true story.
When I find the source I will bli neder come back to edit the post. |
I think there would be a big difference halachically between lending money and doing a favour.
Either way, it isn't the person repaying, it's her son, which could make a difference.
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amother
NeonPurple
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:02 am
| Elfrida wrote: | I think there would be a big difference halachically between lending money and doing a favour.
Either way, it isn't the person repaying, it's her son, which could make a difference. |
Right so I was saying as a mitzvah she can accept a small discount.
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 7:03 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I'm not sure what to do about this this situation.
Many years ago I was single, and had a friend with a lot of small children close together, and very little money. She wasn't the best at coping. I didn't have any more money than she did, but had a lot more spare time. I used to go over and give her a hand, or do some cooking, or take the children out once or twice a week. I babysat when she went to the hospital to have babies, and sometimes I would send her to bed on Thursday night while I finished the cooking. Overall, I helped a lot when she needed it.
Her children got older, and her life got calmer. I got married, and wasn't in a position to help her in the same way. She moved to a different city, and we more or less lost touch, apart from simchas.
I recently got a new job, and shortly after went into a shop down the road from my new workplace. It belonged to this woman's eldest son. (He recognised me - it took me a moment to figure it out.) He insisted on selling me what I wanted at about 50% discount, and told me to always come back to him if he could help
It's not the kind of shop I go into every day, or even every week, but it's very convenient to have it on the spot, and with someone I trust, for when I do need it. On the other hand, I feel uncomfortable about taking such a discount from him. He was only a little boy when I was helping his mother. He doesn't need to repay me!
Do you think it's OK to go to him and take the discount? He owns the shop, so its coming out of his profits. Or should I go somewhere else, where they don't know me, and keep things purely business? |
Let him show you hakaras hatov for the good memories he has of you in his childhood. Dont take advantage but when you need something, buy it by him and if he wants to charge you less, thats his treat.
If you really fell bad, give what you save (or some of it) to tzedaka.
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Sun, Feb 11 2024, 7:08 pm
| amother Oxfordblue wrote: | | I agree that you should negotiate for a smaller discount. Let him show his hakaras hatov. It probably gives him a good feeling. |
Are you really Jewish  When you go shopping, do you pay double just because?
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