Where would we fit in E"Y?

amother

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 8:41 pm

I'm just beginning to research aliyah, but from what little I see, finding the right "fit" of community + schools is key for children's adjustment. I am clueless about Israeli communities and religious designations. Can you help me out?

We're JPF BTs. I wear a sheitel + stockings, DH wears a black hat on Shabbos.
We both have advanced degrees from secular universities.
We have smartphones, internet at home but are careful about what we consume and the children don't use screen media.
We're not into cartoon characters/pop culture stuff for the kids but they are allowed (encouraged!) to read as much as possible of Jewish and secular books.

I don't want my kids (boys or girls) to be in the military but I DO want them to contribute and do some kind of national service (is that even a possibility for boys?)
Kollel as a lifestyle choice is not something we're raising them to aspire to (no judgment, just not our derech... though who can control their kids' futures?)
I'm fine with having to "homeschool" English/secular subjects, but I don't want them in a school that will close them off from attending university/professional careers OR disparage that path.
We want a strong Torah education that is also intellectual and open-minded.

I don't want to end up in a re-created NY in town community. We want less materialism and keeping up with the Joneses.

Is there a community for us? City/neighborhood/school recs very appreciated!

gottago

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 10:43 pm

Look into KSY community in RBS-Alef. It's an Anglo community where the parents are mostly American and the kids are growing up American Israeli.
Rabbi Haber specializes in helping make the adjustment go smoothly. He'll have a conversation with you and answer all your questions.
His Netzach schools would likely be a good fit for your kids.

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 11:23 pm

I'm just going to say this because it has to be said. I hate to discourage anyone from making aliyah. But. The current law in Israel is that a boy over 18 who is not learning in yeshiva full time needs to go to the army. I definitely don't see that changing anytime soon, with the current situation.

What that means is, even if you don't want your son in long-term learning and you'd in theory like him to have a career, you will essentially find his options are nonexistent until he goes to the army or ages out.

There is no option in Israel to learn in yeshiva for a year or two, and then go study for a career. This is worth realizing now. If you want your family to succeed in Israel you're either going to have to be okay with the army, or you're going to have to be okay with your sons staying in yeshiva until they are quite a bit older.

As far as national service, as of now that isn't an option for Jewish young men, unless they have a medical condition that exempts them from army service.

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 11:30 pm

I agree with above poster about Netzach and Rabbi Haber in RBS. There are many similar families. There are options for boys, for example a rav here has a computer science program for boys to be in the army without combat. I know boys in sheirut. There are more options that people realize.

Also, after you come, you change in your outlook and your hashgafot because Eretz yisrael infuses you with a new strength. Personally, I came with a very similar hashgafa although more pro army than you but now find overtime that I’m more mizrachi and a big zionist.

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 11:43 pm

I have a son who did sherut leumi. He would have loved to do the army (we're DL) but he had a medical condition that disqualified him. So he chose sherut as an alternative. It's not something you can just choose because you don't want to go to the army.

There are plenty of options to draft in a more charedi framework. But not drafting is not an option for most boys, unless they stay in yeshiva full-time.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 11:44 pm

gottago wrote:

Are these schools for boys and girls?

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 11:55 pm

Just to be clear, I, personally, see no reason why a religious boy shouldn't go to the army. In my circles religious boys go, with pride. I was just addressing the fact that OP stated she doesn't want her boys to go to the army. I think it's crucial to be aware, in Israel you either need to warm up to the idea of your boys serving, or they will need to be in long-term learning.

amother

Acacia

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 12:03 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

Just want to add to this. Our profile in terms of our values seems similar to yours. We live in rbs and have been happy with the schools. In terms of the army, our oldest is now 16. We've been here more than 10 years. 5 years ago I would have said no way to army. But my perspective has changed as I lived here longer, as I see my son grow up. IyH he will do hesder. Is it still hard for me to think that he will be in war and in dangerous situations? Of course. But I am so proud of him that he feels the burning desire to help our country's survival.

As an aside. There are programs for chareidim that involve doing intelligence/computers for the army. And depending on how old your son is, more programs like that may open up before he is army age.

essie14

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 12:31 am

amother Acacia wrote:

💙🇮🇱💙

amother

IndianRed

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 12:36 am

amother Acacia wrote:

OOC, where does your son go to school? Does the school encourage hesder? What percentage of his class is leaning towards some sort of army service.

I think the school plays a huge role in the way kids feel about this issue.

amother

IndianRed

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 12:45 am

amother Peach wrote:

When do they age out? My dh made aliyah at 21 and was never given a letter to draft even when he stopped learning.

Honestly I don't think the army would of wanted him at all with his medical issues and he couldn't of handled it either, but I always wonder about that.

I think it's currently 26, but that may change. It also depends if you're married with kids. Usually the army doesn't want to be bothered with supporting a whole family through mandatory service. Again, with the current need for soldiers this may not currently be true.

It's interesting that your husband never even got a draft notice, though. Sounds like he fell through the cracks. I think usually they would go through the motions of drafting him before ultimately granting an exemption.

salt

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 12:54 am

I'm not sure of your reason that you don't want your sons to serve.

If it's because of the fear of them being on the battle front, there are many many jobs in the army for boys who aren't 'fighters' - office jobs, rabbinate, intelligence services etc.

If it is because of the religious (or not) atmosphere, as other posters have said, there are plenty of programs where frum boys can serve and keep their frum lifestyle.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 1:04 am

There’s a zoom meeting this Sunday from Nefesh B’Nefesh that is geared toward, I don’t know the right word, but I think you might find it helpful.

About the army thing -
What people are saying about non combat positions-
But if you raise your son to want to serve in the army, even if you as the parent would like him to serve in a non combat role, he might still pick combat. Just a thought.

DrMom

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 1:06 am

amother Sienna wrote:

About the army thing -
What people are saying about non combat positions-
But if you raise your son to want to serve in the army, even if you as the parent would like him to serve in a non combat role, he might still pick combat. Just a thought.

It's true: Adults sometimes make choices that are not identical to their parents' preferences!