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amother
OP
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 Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:25 am
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Usually I see both sides. This week I’m totally team Nina.
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amother
Currant
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:28 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Usually I see both sides. This week I’m totally team Nina. |
Same, having people use me as their internet [non jew] and then boasting about their holy internet free home is my absolute pet peeve!
And no, just because you spoke with her daughter about her teenage angst, it doesn't give you the right to expect them to be your free internet kiosk in return.
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chanatron1000
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:28 am
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As usual, though, the real problem is lack of communication. "If I could tell X one thing..." But you can. There's literally nothing stopping you.
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bsy
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:28 am
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Totally. Using someones house as an Internet cafe more than once a month is wrong. It's definitely an imposition
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momallhours
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:31 am
Agree they usually make both sides compelling this time was strongly Nina.
If it would be once in a blue then ok, but to use it that often is one thing and another thing if it would be for something quick here Aidel was browsing taking her time and then on top of that needed Nina as her tech support
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amother
Emerald
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:35 am
100%
I've been used as an online order person, started out as once every month or two and it kept getting more and more often until it was once every week or two that I would get a text asking me to order this thing or that thing and if I didn't do it right away I would forget so it was this pressure! They said it was cheaper to order it online and easier and I kept thinking so do it at work or go to a kiosk or get internet in your own house if you feel that it's important!
To me it's like not eating a ctn hechsher at home but shnorring it at s/o else's house. If you don't think it's kosher don't do it anywhere!
Finally, I got really annoyed and I just told the person that I'm really sorry but I don't have time.
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bsy
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:38 am
| chanatron1000 wrote: | | As usual, though, the real problem is lack of communication. "If I could tell X one thing..." But you can. There's literally nothing stopping you. |
There's nothing really stopping anyone from saying anything. But when things happen slowly, it's very awkward and uncomfortable to say something. Glad you never had that happen to you. But it can be very very difficult.
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amother
cornflower
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:39 am
Yup! Aidel is a holier then tho snob!
Her attitude was very entitled, she just expected to use the Internet whenever she needed for however long. Even 'just browsing' cuz why not?
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amother
NeonOrange
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:42 am
The breakingn point was that Aidel introduced Nina to her mechutainista as 'my neighbor who is such a help and always allows me to use her internet'
That comment is downright disgusting
I would be angry and insulted too, like Nina was
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amother
Darkblue
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:45 am
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This article reminded me of when I started using the eruv and my friend who doesn’t asked me to push her stroller. I told her that I would do it but I wasn’t comfortable with her asking me. And she never asked again and we’re still friends.
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amother
Slateblue
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:46 am
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Fully agree usually while reading each take I agree with the one I’m reading then, and now while I was reading Aidels point of view I kept on thinking shes so so wrong!
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amother
Copper
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:56 am
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Does anyone align with Aidel?
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chanatron1000
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:02 pm
| bsy wrote: | | There's nothing really stopping anyone from saying anything. But when things happen slowly, it's very awkward and uncomfortable to say something. Glad you never had that happen to you. But it can be very very difficult. |
I'm not saying it's always easy, but letting a boiling frog situation proceed is something worth avoiding. And when confrontation is necessary, it's necessary.
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amother
Mulberry
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:16 pm
| chanatron1000 wrote: | | I'm not saying it's always easy, but letting a boiling frog situation proceed is something worth avoiding. And when confrontation is necessary, it's necessary. |
I really DON'T agree that communication is the answer to every problem. I've been on the receiving end of these "communications" way too many times, and even if I'll smile and say sure, thanks for letting me know, I'm always, always seething inside.
What is the point of Nina saying something? Aidel is not changing her mind, their friendship will be forever soured, and in this case Nina will become friends again as soon as she calms down (I know this is what happens to me). With better boundaries. Nonverbal communication is a very powerful tool as well, not everything needs to be said out loud.
I'm a big fan of the saying "least said, soonest mended".
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amother
Ultramarine
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:17 pm
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It's very hard to be team aidel when she clearly sees herself as holier and superior to Nina. Lack of humility makes everything else worthless. Perhaps she should read a mussar sefer or two. Same for the machateinista, and all I can say is invei hagefen ve'invei hagefen.
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chanatron1000
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:24 pm
| amother Mulberry wrote: | I really DON'T agree that communication is the answer to every problem. I've been on the receiving end of these "communications" way too many times, and even if I'll smile and say sure, thanks for letting me know, I'm always, always seething inside.
What is the point of Nina saying something? Aidel is not changing her mind, their friendship will be forever soured, and in this case Nina will become friends again as soon as she calms down (I know this is what happens to me). With better boundaries. Nonverbal communication is a very powerful tool as well, not everything needs to be said out loud.
I'm a big fan of the saying "least said, soonest mended". |
Without communication, quiet resentment keeps on building up. If Nina had communicated and set boundaries from the very beginning, it wouldn't have gotten to that point. And, at the point where the story cuts off, Aidel ought to try communicating. If none of them do, then there's no way to restore the relationship. Having the tough conversations at the right time is important. And conversations have two sides. Being on the receiving end and saying "sure, thanks for letting me know" when you have something else to say is itself a failure to communicate.
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singleagain
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:28 pm
| GetReal wrote: | | https://mishpacha.com/hijacked-connection/ |
Thank you for linking. Age with Nina. It's not right to take on a chumra on sometimes else's cheshbon. Especially with all the inconveniences.
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amother
Mulberry
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Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:31 pm
I get triggered by this IRL and I'm not sure why it bothers me so much.
I don't personally know anybody who doesn't have internet so maybe that's why... I do know a lot of people who PRETEND not to have internet. But their husbands have smartphones, they have internet at work (how is that better, isn't that geneivas zman), or like Aidel, they are using a relative or neighbors internet quite a bit, or whatever. If you don't have internet, you don't shop on Amazon, period. This make believe "I don't have internet but I somehow get a full order from Amazon every week" bothers me quite a bit.
I just realized I do have a friend who doesn't have internet at all but she shops locally for everything and lives in an area where it works for her. She's also in kollel/klei kodesh so all around a very different life than mine, and would NEVER do what Aidel in the story is doing. These people are inspirational, people like Aidel are not (at least to me).
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