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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Kvater at bris - buys a gift?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:04 pm
I am not originally from NY. I have gotten a kos with babys name on it at my boys brisim as a gift from the kvater.

Wondering if todays days in communities like BP its acceptable to buy a gift for baby if im kvater
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amother
Raspberry


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:08 pm
Live in monsey with relatives in Bp and yes afaik that’s still what people give when they are kvatter.
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amother
Bellflower


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:10 pm
amother OP wrote:
I am not originally from NY. I have gotten a kos with babys name on it at my boys brisim as a gift from the kvater.

Wondering if todays days in communities like BP its acceptable to buy a gift for baby if im kvater
very much yes. Kvatter buys a nice gift.
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Amelia Bedelia




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:11 pm
Never heard of giving kos with name, although it's a nice idea, but yes, I think it's nice for a kvatter to give a baby gift. I got a baby blanket once from the kvatter.
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:26 pm
I've been kvatter several times and never occurred to me to give a gift I wouldn't otherwise have given. How bad is that?
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amother
Pear


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:26 pm
Our kvater gave us a nice card with a check. I would say more similar to what we got from aunts/uncles than friends/neighbors so I was surprised, and figured it must be a thing for kvater to give a more generous gift.
Our culture is JPF/RWMO but our kvater was from a more "heimish" background.
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amother
Freesia


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:28 pm
I've heard that sandak is supposed to pay for the seuda. Never heard of a gift from the kvater. We were "honored" with this kibbud a couple of times in the 5 years we waited for kids. It was always very painful and uncomfortable but I did it in hope it'll help... I'm so glad I didn't know of this minhag cuz it would've just been so much harder. I hope no one thought of us as weird for giving us this kibbud and we didn't even buy a gift....
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amother
Cantaloupe


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:32 pm
Yeshivish from Lakewood. I never ever heard of that!!
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amother
Winterberry


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:41 pm
I've heard of sandak giving a nice gift not kvatter!!!
Actually we did get a kos with baby's name for a few of my boys.
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amother
Bellflower


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:50 pm
interesting, I never heard that a sandak buys anything! I guess it's community dependent? I'm Chassidish and the kvatter usually buys a nice gift.
The sandak is usually a rebbe, rav, grandfather.. so no they don't buy anything.
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amother
Pear


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:54 pm
amother Freesia wrote:
I've heard that sandak is supposed to pay for the seuda. Never heard of a gift from the kvater. We were "honored" with this kibbud a couple of times in the 5 years we waited for kids. It was always very painful and uncomfortable but I did it in hope it'll help... I'm so glad I didn't know of this minhag cuz it would've just been so much harder. I hope no one thought of us as weird for giving us this kibbud and we didn't even buy a gift....

If it was me I wouldn't have thought it weird, our kvater was more of an acquaintance so I was surprised to receive the gift. I think it would be nice to give whatever kind of gift you would normally give as a guest at a friend's simcha, but NBD if you don't. But that's just me.
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amother
Pear


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:55 pm
And our sandek was a close relative (no grandfathers were able to attend) and gave a modest gift similar to what other relatives did.
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amother
NeonYellow


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 8:57 pm
Chassidish. Never heard of either Sandek or kvatter buying a gift. But my family is galitzian so maybe it’s just because we don’t want to spend the money 😂
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amother
Chicory


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:03 pm
amother Eggplant wrote:
I've been kvatter several times and never occurred to me to give a gift I wouldn't otherwise have given. How bad is that?


Same and I didn’t expect or receive a gift from the people who we asked to be kvatter. Must be specific to certain communities or just certain circles.
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amother
IndianRed


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:08 pm
Just curious what’s a kvater?
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ddmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:12 pm
amother IndianRed wrote:
Just curious what’s a kvater?

It's the couple that carries the baby to get his bris.
The lady take the baby from mother, pass the baby to her husband and husband pass the baby to father of the baby.
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amother
IndianRed


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:36 pm
ddmom wrote:
It's the couple that carries the baby to get his bris.
The lady take the baby from mother, pass the baby to her husband and husband pass the baby to father of the baby.


Thanks! We do that too just but call it something else and not necessarily a couple. Does it specifically have to be a couple?
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amother
Bone


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:51 pm
amother IndianRed wrote:
Thanks! We do that too just but call it something else and not necessarily a couple. Does it specifically have to be a couple?


That is the Minhag
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amother
Bone


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:53 pm
Each of our boys has a different Rav as Sandek. They either bought a Sefer or kos (silver plated).
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amother
Bellflower


 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2024, 10:10 pm
amother IndianRed wrote:
Thanks! We do that too just but call it something else and not necessarily a couple. Does it specifically have to be a couple?
no. it can be a mother and her son, a daughter with her father, also a sister and brother I think. Probably a grandparent with a grandchild, don't know exactly since usually it's a couple
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