S/o locking their door

amother

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:52 pm

This got me thinking from the "mean mommy" thread.
My toddlers wake up multiple times a night and go straight to my bed. I can't do this anymore. I need my space and I need them to sleep at night!! I'm desperate (I feel like I tried everything.)
We rent and their room came with a hook kind of lock on the outside. When they go to sleep (after I stay there for like an hour till they fall asleep) I lock the door so when they wake up they don't end up in my bed right away.
But when they wake up I don't just ignore them the whole night. I go into their room and sit on the floor till they fall asleep again. They just need Mommy there.
At some point, like 4/5am I'm too tired to do this again... So I just let them join me in my bed.

Occasionally I lock the door when they're still awake, but that's when they're really acting crazy and they got a million warnings that I will leave if they don't lay down...

Is locking the door really abusive? Will they be traumatized?

amother

Copper

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:54 pm

Imagine their perspective in the middle of the night.

You have a nightmare and you try to leave the room only to find that you are trapped! It's silent outside the door and you are afraid.

I would not do this. Rather lock your bedroom door

amother

Clear

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:54 pm

I would never do such a thing and can’t imagine having that done to me.
I am sure those who do it will say it’s ok otherwise how could they do it

amother

Maroon

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:55 pm

I'm the op of the other thread. I shut her door so she senses its bedtime. But we live in a small apt and I hear everything going on from her door. It's not like I'm downstairs and don't know what's going on

amother

Copper

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:56 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

Do you lock it though? Closing and locking are two very different things.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:58 pm

amother Copper wrote:

Do you lock it though? Closing and locking are two very different things.

No I just close it. The only door that has a lock in my apt is the bathroom

amother

Mulberry

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:58 pm

I lock my door with hook and eye sometimes but unlock if they knock. (They have unlocked my door with a knife so I put another lock in somee get some privacy...)
On the other hand, one of my children didn't sleep through the night for years and was utterly impossible and one of the methods I was actually told to do at one point by a professional sleep coach was to lock his door for a few minutes. I think we did a couple times but it didn't help so we stopped...

Bh he now is an amazing sleeper....there is hope!

amother

Trillium

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:11 pm

To me locking a child into a room sounds bad. What happens if ch’v there’s a fire? Or they need you emergency and you’re sleeping too deep to hear them? I understand your frustration but it doesn’t feel right to me.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:12 pm

I don’t think it’s abusive unless they have a fear of locked doors and you’re playing on that fear. If not, I think it’s just a closed door to a toddler, not a feeling of being trapped. You’d know by their reaction if they felt panicked or just wanted to come out (like from their crib.)

I never needed to lock my kids in their room for the night, so this isn’t based on personal experience...

amother

Pearl

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:14 pm

amother Trillium wrote:

Apparently they say that it’s safer in a fire…

tweety1

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:20 pm

amother Clear wrote:

I would never do such a thing and can’t imagine having that done to me.
I am sure those who do it will say it’s ok otherwise how could they do it

This! So we'll said every word.

amother

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:21 pm

I appreciate everyone's replies.

For context:
Our apartment is tiny that I even hear when they move in bed... So I'm not worried I won't hear them if they need me or something happens.

I think the reason why we lock their door is because if they wake up before we go to bed, I can't have them wandering around... Also, it's easier to get them back into bed if they're still in their room. Once they leave they never want to go back in.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:26 pm

I don’t do this but I keep baby in crib as long as possible and I space my kids about 2.5-three years apart so I don’t have multiple toddlers coming out of bed

Are they old enough for charts?

amother

Darkblue

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 12:07 am

amother OP wrote:

Maybe install a baby gate if you want them to stay in their room.
I don't think locking their door from the outside is a normal thing to do.

amother

Bergamot

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 1:18 am

If you don't want them in your bed there is no need to lock doors.

Every time you wake up with a kid in your bed you get up and carry them back to their bed. No discussions. Rinse and repeat and they will eventually get used to staying in their own beds and you will get sleep.