Im the Op from the bedtime thread

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:23 pm

Finally got a chance to read through the 10 pages and see it was locked. Bedtime was a huge struggle tonight. At first she laid down very nicely and told me she was tired. After 10 minutes she was jumping and climbing everywhere. I sat with her on her bed but she kept getting up and laughing every time I tried to rub her. She was having a pillow fight with her older sibling. When I took her pillow away, she ran to get something else to throw. I silently brought her back into bed but she didn't get the message. I didn't know what else to do nothing was working. But the constant redirecting back to bed and making sure she stayed in her bed was a real game. Even without talking.

amother

Clematis

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s so hard. What happens if you stay with her in the room or sitting next to the door, no talking- while reading something to yourself or going on your phone?

Tzutzie

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:29 pm

Until my girls, that are leas than 2 years apart, learned how to unwind and keep quietly to themselves I put them to sleep in separate rooms. They'd take chances switching off every other week. One kid would fall asleep in their own bed another in mine. And when they were fully asleep I'd transfer the kid into her bed.
It did take probably a full year or more until they were able to do that.
They still schmooze in bed a bit. Which is totally fine and to be expected. But before that they'd keep each other up and have dance parties till past midnight....

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:32 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

I let her go in my dh bed to try and fall asleep there when I need to separate my kids. But she just climbs right out of his bed and starts playing

amother

SandyBrown

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:38 pm

Would it be possible to say:

Chani, Mommy has tried putting you to sleep a few times now. It's getting late and Mommy has things to do. I can't force you to stay in your bed. You have the choice to listen and stay in bed. If you come out of your bed Mommy will not be entertaining you or answering any questions. It's nighttime now.

And then you go about your night routine, allowing her to play if she wants to, but you aren't responding to anything. Not engaging. With the hopes that she will tire on her own and stop playing this game with you. Enough nights of this and I think she'll be happy to just go to bed.

amother

NeonYellow

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

I let her go in my dh bed to try and fall asleep there when I need to separate my kids. But she just climbs right out of his bed and starts playing

Silently redirecting her to bed again and again, may seem like a game to her at first, but if she see's that you mean serious business, she will stop finding it funny after afew days. It doesn't work in one day. You need a ton ton of patience & you need to give it afew days.
Maybe try giving her 1/2 or 1/4 melo-chew, see if it helps. Perhaps she can also take books to bed with her & read for a bit before going to sleep.
Good luck

amother

Dandelion

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:39 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

It’s so hard. What happens if you stay with her in the room or sitting next to the door, no talking- while reading something to yourself or going on your phone?

That’s what I do. My daughter would never go to sleep on her own if I left the room. There’s nothing wrong with them needing us in the room for bedtime. It’s annoying but normal for that age.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

I let her go in my dh bed to try and fall asleep there when I need to separate my kids. But she just climbs right out of his bed and starts playing

Dont do that, its replacing one bad habit with another.
It almost sounds like she is undermining your authority which can definitely make any mother lose it.
Can you start her bedtime earlier as a consequence of her behavior?
Tell her that since she doesnt lie down nicely and go to bed at her bedtime, tomorrow it will be earlier and before her siblings.
If she gets out of bed, she loses a privilege.
Also - she loses her pillow if she is throwing it, pillows are for the head comfort, not a weapon to throw, you abuse it, you lose it for the night (or one hour, your choice). Anything she throws goes into a box and put away for a week.(or longer if necessary).
She has to learn that there are consequences to her actions.
Routine is good. Preparation towards bedtime will give her the time to adjust between playtime and nighttime. In the summer we close the blinds a half hour before bedtime for that reason.
Can you let her take a book to bed to unwind or play soft quiet music ?

sweet

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:56 pm

I dont know how old she is.
But my 8 yr old takes forever to settle down and fall asleep. But as long as he stays upstairs, in his room and doesn't wake up my younger kids, I dont care if he reads, or plays with his stuff..

amother

SandyBrown

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:57 pm

bsy wrote:

Put on a CD for them to listen to. I grew up like that and do it for my kids.

Love this! Also to just prepare her for the night with everything she might need. Maybe buy her a special night light so she can read in bed. A water bottle if she's thirsty.

What does the hour before bed look like usually? Is there time to wind down? Bath, pajamas, brush, read a book with mom...

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:57 pm

amother SandyBrown wrote:

Its not about the Mommy, its about what is best for the child. the focus has to be on her. She has no choice here, bedtime is bedtime and not negotiable. Allowing her to play out of bed till she tires is not bedtime. It may be creating bad habits.

amother

SandyBrown

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:01 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

It's not making it about mommy. That's how parents speak to kids sometimes...

I get that, but in my life, I wouldn't be able to sit with my child for an hour till they fall asleep. Probably longer as my kids are very chatty and would only love to keep me there as long as possible. I'm not stopping my night every night.

Playing in her room is also another option, but who is going to make her stay there?
Maybe a baby gate on the door if she doesn't know how to open it.

amother

Magnolia

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:10 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

We do this with one of my kids as necessary, and it doesn’t create bad habits. It’s really annoying when he’s up, but he’s never done it more than two nights in a row. And usually after a while if him getting frustrated at being ignored, we offer to tuck him in one last time.
Of course op might need something different if it’s happening every night.

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:20 pm

bsy wrote:

Put on a CD for them to listen to. I grew up like that and do it for my kids.

She doesn't nap during the day
The cd player and nightlight are on
Whe has books she brings into bed already
I sit with her and speak about her day
What am I missing?