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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
How does it work in your house- erev shabbos?
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:16 am
I grew up with erev shabbos jobs and for whatever reason I have not been able to set it up this way in my home.
I don't know if it's too late because my kids are no longer little little but I feel very overwhelmed Friday while my kids are all chilling.
How does it work in your home?
Do kids have set jobs?
What jobs do they have?
How do you enforce it?

I do not have the kinds of kids who will jump for joy to help, many have executive functioning struggles, and they always kvetch and avoid. At some point I gave up but it's all backfiring.

Can you share your experience and maybe advise me?
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amother
Lemonlime


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:22 am
They clean their rooms and do at least one additional job of their choosing such as cleaning, setting the table, cooking something etc... it's non negotiable and they have been helping from a young age so it's really no big deal. I thank them for their help and don't criticize if it's not done perfectly.
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amother
Winterberry


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:24 am
What age should I start with jobs?
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amother
Lemonlime


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:27 am
amother Winterberry wrote:
What age should I start with jobs?


My kids help from toddlers. They see everyone else helping and they want in on the fun. I praise them a lot for everything they do to help and make a big deal of it.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:30 am
I have cleaning help full day friday. My kids need to take a bath/shower, do a shabbos job either help cooking or setting table or something else like preparing the candles. They are responsible to make sure the lights in their room are good for shabbos.

After their job is done and they are ttly ready for shabbos they get some screen time. Usually a half hour.

They beg me for a job and run to shower. Lol

Otherwise they can chill or wtvr unless I need more help. Bh Fridays are pretty calm by me.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:31 am
amother Winterberry wrote:
What age should I start with jobs?


My toddler helps. She helped me make chummus this morning, helped me turn on food processor for kugel, cleans up toys. Etc
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giftedmom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:31 am
Only really my oldest has to buy flowers and everything else that’s still needed. The other ones need to bathe and be ready.
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redheaded




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:33 am
Everyone has one job.

You can expect a lot of resistance in the beginning but once it’s in the schedule it becomes routine

Good luck
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amother
Cornsilk


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:35 am
All my kids have jobs.

We started jobs when my oldest was probably 9. They weren't happy in the beginning, but we told them that everyone helps. When we first started we lived in a tiny apartment and there were always toys under the table (one room dining room, living room, playroom). The kids job was to pick up toys for about 10 min. We started with a point system where they got points for prizes, but stopped a few years later.

Once we moved to a house we gave them real jobs. My kids then were 11, 9, and 4--all boys. We taught them to wipe down the bathroom (sink, toilet only), sweep and mop the floor, empty small garbages into one garbage bag. When we had more kids and they continued to get older, we added vacuuming (which includes picking things up from the floor, putting away toys, etc) and clearing the couches. Now my kids range from 6-almost 21. My older 2 are away at yeshiva, but my 6-14 year olds do all of the above. If they want to do extras, they'll help in the kitchen, clean the front hall (which can get messy), sweep the stairs, polish silver, etc. But other than the main jobs, the extras are not enforced. Sometimes they want to do extra sometimes they just want to chill. As long as the main living areas is mostly cleaned up, I'm Ok with it.
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amother
DarkKhaki


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:36 am
The only things we ask them to help with are tidying, entertaining the toddler, or setting the table. My oldest sometimes makes a side salad or guacamole if she feels like it, but I don't ask her to.

It's not so formal or structured, but they do wind up being helpful each week.
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daredevil




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 8:36 am
My son loves to cover the light switches. That's his shabbos job and he gets upset if someone else does it
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 9:45 am
At toddler age they love to help, it's after that becomes like pulling teeth. This concept of non negotiable is not something I've ever learned how to do.
I wrote a list of jobs and honestly it's mostly cleaning jobs.
I don't need help in the kitchen and my husband does the preshabbos jobs (candles, turning off switches, putting up the water, setting up timers etc).
I do have cleaning help once a week.

I think I may need to make after shabbos jobs too or after Sunday jobs because that's when the house is a bomb.
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amother
Ebony


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 9:47 am
They have jobs, they need to clean their rooms and the playroom, my teen helps with food prep, and when shabbos starts they all set the table.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 9:54 am
amother OP wrote:
At toddler age they love to help, it's after that becomes like pulling teeth. This concept of non negotiable is not something I've ever learned how to do.
I wrote a list of jobs and honestly it's mostly cleaning jobs.
I don't need help in the kitchen and my husband does the preshabbos jobs (candles, turning off switches, putting up the water, setting up timers etc).
I do have cleaning help once a week.

I think I may need to make after shabbos jobs too or after Sunday jobs because that's when the house is a bomb.


I implemented screen time on Fridays when I didn't the cleaning help and needed the kids to do things and it was a struggle. They also would beg me all week to watch. Now they know when they get time and it works beautifully for me. Is there something they want that can be an incentive for them to get as a reward?
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amother
DarkOrange


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 9:58 am
We have erev shabbos and just started motzei shabbos jobs. Erev shabbos: set table, tissues in the bathrooms, set lights and sound machines, clean up toys, put on hotplate. We have cleaning help on friday so there is not much else to do.
Motzei shabbos: sweep floors, clear off tables, help clean the playroom.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 10:06 am
We don't really have erev shabbos jobs other then the lights, toilet paper, putting appliances in shabbos mode type of stuff. We all do family clean up motzei shabbos and the rest of the week really depends. I try to teach them to clean as we go and to not leave big messes for erev shabbos.
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amother
Molasses


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 10:08 am
amother Saddlebrown wrote:
I have cleaning help full day friday. My kids need to take a bath/shower, do a shabbos job either help cooking or setting table or something else like preparing the candles. They are responsible to make sure the lights in their room are good for shabbos.

After their job is done and they are ttly ready for shabbos they get some screen time. Usually a half hour.

They beg me for a job and run to shower. Lol

Otherwise they can chill or wtvr unless I need more help. Bh Fridays are pretty calm by me.


Same. I let screen time on Friday after a shower and a job. They beg for jobs lol.
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amother
Strawberry


 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 11:03 am
My kids have set jobs on Friday as well as on shabbos. They know who has to clear off each course/Seuda so I am not policing the whole time. When it’s an official job, they learn achraius
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gingleale




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 11:30 am
Mine all have to clean and vacuum their rooms, put away their laundry if they didn't during the week, and put away their school stuff and sports stuff. They rotate emptying dishwashers, setting the table, making a salad, taking out the recycling and setting up the candles.
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Petra




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 23 2024, 11:44 am
My kids just put their clothes away and have some semblance of a straightened up room. Nobody has assigned jobs. They do odd jobs. In the summer they are likely required to clean the bathrooms. We dont have cleaning help. And they complain.
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