Formula feeding. Let's put it into perspective

lamplighter

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:01 am

IME only a tiny percentage of women who give formula do it because they don't want to nurse. Maybe 1%.
Most women who are formula feeding are doing so because they can't nurse successfully. There is some form of grief, anxiety, guilt, and judgement they go through when making this decision that so many of you "nursing is my life" ladies further EXACERBATE!
Just stop.
There is no one you have to convince.
They didn't choose this just like you didn't earn being able to nurse.
HASHEM decided and He's not giving out medals.
There is so much patronizing judgement being spewed at women who give formula, when in actuality each of those women deserve support and to feel just as good of a mother, for knowing fed is best. Stop with the bonding ****. Who are you helping by saying this? Stop pushing something no one needs convincing about.
Would you go to a singles shabbaton to talk about how amazing marriage is especially your marriage because you got married young? Would you list the benefits of getting married to the first person you date, because that's what you did?
Remember the old adage: before you speak think is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful?
I can't believe I have to say this but look at the group/forum this post is in and READ THE ROOM.

Last edited by lamplighter on Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:46 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:02 am

amother Midnight wrote:

A few things.

It’s totally ok to formula feed and no one should feel guilty

It’s totally ok to BF and no one should be made to feel weird or crunchy for nursing baby last 6 months

If baby isn’t getting fed yes please give formula it’s not fair to you or to baby

It’s ok to feel sad and even devastated if nursing isn’t working for you. No one should by guilted that they can’t be sad because there are worse problems.

There are mothers that claim they don’t have milk when that’s not the case or they cause the problem by giving formula bottles which cuts their supply

You sure about that? People 'claim' they don't have milk when they do?

Maybe they just don't want to feed for any number of reasons but are afraid of the backlash.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:05 am

lamplighter wrote:

IME only a tiny percentage of women who give formula do it because they don't want to nurse. Maybe 1%.
Most women who are formula feeding are doing so because they can't nurse successfully. There is some form of grief, anxiety, guilt, and judgement they go through when making this decision that so many of you "nursing is my life" ladies further EXACERBATE!
Just stop.
There is no one you have to convince.
They didn't choose this just like you didn't earn being able to nurse.
HASHEM decided and no one gets a medal for either.
There is so much patronizing judgement being spewed at women who give formula, when in actuality each of those women deserve support and to feel just as good of a mother, for knowing fed is best. Stop with the bonding ****. Who are you helping by saying this? Stop pushing something no one needs convincing about.
Would you go to a singles shabbaton to talk about how amazing marriage is especially your marriage because you got married young? Would you list the benefits of getting married to the first person you date, because that's what you did?

I can't believe I have to say this but look at the group/forum this post is in and READ THE ROOM.

THANK YOU!

Couldn't have put it better myself.

I'm wondering if people actually read my OP before posting. This thread is not a soapbox for those who think breastfeeding is optimum!!

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:40 am

amother OP wrote:

THANK YOU!

Couldn't have put it better myself.

I'm wondering if people actually read my OP before posting. This thread is not a soapbox for those who think breastfeeding is optimum!!

Yup. There are many things in life that have an optimum direction. But when it doesn't work out as such, do we denounce the outcomes?

Optimum:
- find your bashert as soon as you start looking
- get pregnant on your first tries
- cover your expenses with one salary
- breastfeed your babies
- etc.

If an older single or someone with infertility takes a different route, are they to be called out for making other choices? Or do we accept that life doesn't go as planned and it hits people in different areas. If something works smoothly for you, count your blessings instead of assuming that the other person is doing something wrong.

Lemonade 2323

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 10:29 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Yes without question! She's our everything! We all love my mother very very much. We couldn't have asked for better. We hit the jackpot. I could not imagine being more bonded than I am.

We are much better off than if she would have kept us underweight (starving!) because of her desire to nurse. What's the question?

Sorry I was being sarcastic. You sound very okay with the way your mom fed you, but with so many people saying you can't bond with formula...was a tounge in cheek comment.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 10:35 am

Lemonade 2323 wrote:

Sorry I was being sarcastic. You sound very okay with the way your mom fed you, but with so many people saying you can't bond with formula...was a tounge in cheek comment.

Got you. I guess I thought you were one of those people.

Personally, I think women should put more weight on other things that create a bond with their children than breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is much smaller in the grand scheme of bonding than say, lots of attention and a happy mom.

Lemonade 2323

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 10:40 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Sorry about that, nope I am definitely not 'one of those people'! I fully believe that if one is old enough to have a child they are competent enough to know how to feed said baby.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:09 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

I think OP's point is much needed.

I knew a woman who I swear kept her own children underweight because she wanted to nurse so badly. She told me, "I literally don't have milk, but I try anyway"

Please feed your baby!

This, this.

We must remember that we are taking care of children. They are not taking care of us.

When you have that attitude, you get plenty of reward long term.

Let us not make a False Idol out of breast feeding, wonderful as it is. Let us not go for what makes US feel good.

amother

Midnight

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:22 am

amother OP wrote:

You sure about that? People 'claim' they don't have milk when they do?

Maybe they just don't want to feed for any number of reasons but are afraid of the backlash.

two of my friends were saying how they don’t have enough milk because their babies are kvetching 20 minutes after nursing and so they would give a formula bottle after and baby was happy. Sounds so simple right? Except that they were so devastated that they called a lactation consultant who did a weighted feed and saw that baby was getting plenty of milk. It’s just that newborns cluster feed and mothers often don’t realize that this is totally normal and it’s totally normal to need to nurse every half hour especially evening time when baby is storing up reserves for the night. Sometimes babies are cranky because they are tired and don’t know how to soothe themselves to sleep. This cluster feeding keeps the baby happy and also builds the supply. Mothers that are constantly handing out formula bottles when their newborns are kvetching will not allow their supplies to build up and they will not have enough milk. Same with mothers who want to sleep at night and have a spouse give formula bottles ar night. I’m not judging anyone who does this. People have a right to not want to have their baby glued to the breast. They have other kids or obligations, they need their sleep, etc. I get it. I really do. That said, most mothers without hormonal issues (think thyroid, pcos, etc) will naturally produce enough milk as long as the mothers nurse often and frequently on demand and don’t supplement at all in the newborn stage. There is also the issue of some babies that don’t nurse effectively and they don’t have a good match and don’t draw the milk out effectively. When the baby doesn’t drink empty then it doesn’t signal to the mother to produce more milk so that could also hurt supply but that would show up when a lactation consultant does a weighted feed or with insufficient weight gain - NOT a cranky baby. This isn’t an issue with the mother making enough milk - it’s the baby. But then this does cause the mother not to have enough milk. Again I’m not judging anyone here and there are so many factors but it’s a fact that giving formula will cut supply (but you absolutely need to do this if your baby isn’t getting enough - confirmed by lactation consultant or weight gain issue).

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:24 am

amother Midnight wrote:

Okay, and why is this your business? It sounds like they did what they could and got down to the bottom of it.

Some women literally do not have milk. They just don't! And if they do and choose to formula feed, so what?

What's your point exactly?

amother

Midnight

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:30 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

Curious how you know this is not the case for them. And really wondering if you think mothers are that stupid to not be aware that if they nurse less, their supply gets less.

it’s not about people being stupid. I myself was a very educated first time mother and was not fully aware of the commitment to nursing. I thought I just need to nurse every 2-3 hours. I didn’t realize that newborns want to something nurse 10 minutes after they stopped. I was sup bewildered and thought that I must not have enough milk. Luckily I was working with a food lactation consultant and very supportive family and I continued nursing but had I not had that support in place I would be one of those mothers who said they don’t have enough milk (which is not terrible but not a true fact)

amother

Midnight

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:36 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

I forgot to mention that there is a super rare condition where the woman is missing certain milk making glands in their breasts. A woman like that will certainly not have enough milk. I also mentioned women who have hormonal issues l. Third reason for not having enough milk is really the baby where the baby isn’t nursing effectively (muscle tone issues, tongue tie, etc) and that causes the milk supply to drop. Other than that most women should be making enough milk. First two issues arnt really fixable, last issue could possibly be fixed but will require a lot of effort and may not be worth it for the mother to try to fix . My point is that absent these issues when every second woman is saying she doesn’t make enough milk but she’s handing a formula bottle after every feeding or skipping feedings because she wants to sleep or go out (vet legit needs I will add) then it’s probably not a milk making issue. Everyone can do what they want and there is nothing wrong with formula at all but if the woman is super devastated about it then she should be aware that absent these issues she probably can nurse her baby with a little education and help. No one is saying she should or she needs to but if she do badly wakes to nurse (for herself and not for society) then there are options

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:36 am

amother Midnight wrote:

Okay the answer here is for women to be properly educated if they want to nurse.

If their baby is not gaining properly, and they are aware of how to nurse on demand, then... formula.