Now he's not cooperating at sitter either!

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 2:55 pm

Daven for me, I don't think there's anything else to do Crying

I'm the same amother as a thread about baby nursing all night and not sleeping and another thread about baby wanting to be held all the time. He is now about 6 1/2 months old.

Night: I gave up on any sleep training ideas and he eventually went mostly back to his old pattern of staying in my bed and nursing a few times at night but not constantly. Some nights he still does the constant thing but as long as it's only sometimes I can pretty much survive.

Holding all the time: he's gotten a little better at playing, still doesn't stay down for very long mostly but I can get a little here and there. He also started eating things like crackers and working on Cheerios so I can also put him in the hi chair for a little break. A couple of times I got a decent nap in the stroller, and I continue to try putting him in crib or stroller for naps even though it usually only lasts a few minutes if at all. After a fail or two I give up and hold him because he needs the sleep that badly.

My one saving grace has always been that he seems fine at the babysitter. I get a "break" for a few hours to go to work, see people, feel a little accomplished, and not have my arms falling off from holding the baby all the time. He gets a nice nap because for some reason he sleeps for the sitter like he won't sleep for me, and I guess in general in the absence of Mommy to kvetch to he gets a life and doesn't just kvetch. He always seems happy to go from my arms to hers at drop off, and typically seems fine at pickup too. Sometimes a little sad but nothing concerning - like just woke up cranky, or resisting getting changed, like that.

But suddenly last week he Did Not Eat at the sitter. I was off Monday for a legal holiday so it was a short week, short enough to call the first two days a fluke -maybe he just wasn't hungry. He's only at the sitter for a little less than 3 hours. and then by day 3 it was the end of the week. He wasn't so happy when I picked him up but I wasn't alarmed. He's been starting to eat some food at home so after day 3 of not taking bottle at sitter I figured next time I'll send some food in case he wants that instead.

Today he barely slept all morning - he woke up a little late in the first place, and when he fell asleep on me later I had to put him down and he wouldn't stay asleep even though he was clearly tired. So I nursed him an extra time in case he would refuse to eat again, and dropped him off very tired and hopefully not at all hungry. I figured he'd have a nice nap, because he usually does that for the sitter, and then if needed he can have a nice fun jar of carrots which I know he likes.

Came back to him as always a little less than 3 hours later. Sitter said he did not sleep AT ALL. Not in her arms, stroller or crib, no sleep. And he was sad but he also didn't want to eat - not bottle, not jar, not cereal. He played a little but most of the time was sad. When I came to pick him up he was all teary and had red around his eyelids from crying, he's a pretty happy baby (needy, but happy because we cater to him 😬) so I've never seen him in that shape before.

As soon as I took him he was all smiles, looking around, "talking." Went into the car ok. I totally thought he was going to fall asleep in the car on the way home, it's a short drive but he finds the car relaxing and he must have been so tired. But he didn't! He was between cooing and quiet on the way home and in the time between when I stopped and went around to get him from the back seat, he was bawling again. And then happy as anything when I took him out. He was chill for another half hour or so and then cried to nurse and fell asleep nursing.

So I'm now doing absolutely nothing except imamother from my phone because after a day like this I'm not going to risk waking him up by moving even though he seems to be out cold.

I'm at my wits end. I thought we had something good going with this sitter. Picking up such a sad baby made me cry. If he's trying to say he needs only Mommy I'm doomed. First of all I'm not cut out for full time sahm-ing, I think I would be totally depressed if not for getting to hand him over a few hours a day and feel like I'm getting somewhere. Secondly the financial hit would be crushing. This is really not a good time, I was finally starting to feel a little more stable after taking off to have the baby. In fact I just asked for a little more work to help things along (didn't get it yet but I'm hopeful because pesach and summer are coming, I've just about caught up on the day to day but not enough to save for the more demanding times) but I can't follow through with that if my baby won't eat or sleep at the sitter and just cries!

I'm losing it. I'm just davening that somehow everything abruptly turns around tomorrow and he does great at the sitter and looks happy when I pick him up and this whole last day and week were just a big fluke because if he's sad again tomorrow I don't know what I'll do. Probably fall apart. Please daven with me, I honestly don't know what else to do. Literally in tears right now.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 3:40 pm

I'm a morah. How long is he at the babysitter already? Are there other kids?

tichellady

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 3:54 pm

Is he sick?

amother

Phlox

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 3:57 pm

Maybe he’s teething or has fluid in his ears. Both would affect his sleeping/lying down and eating habits.

amother

Brickred

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 4:01 pm

Did you check his ears? Sounds like teething (which can also affect ears btw) or an ear infection.

Did you give Motrin?

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 4:15 pm

All great responses.

Let me just add that while of course you want to take good care of him, nobody is happy all the time and it's not your fault if he isn't happy. You can't make him happy all the time. That isn't quite your job description. Some things are just going to annoy him. That's life.

That said, listen to the others. He may be teething or not well.

Is he heavy enough? If not, give him as much formula as his little self can hold. If he's yelling because he needs more calories, stop breast feeding and fill him to the brim with formula. There is no arguing with hungry.

That said, you are a lovely mom to care so much.

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 4:34 pm

We've been with this sitter for 4 months, since I first went back to work when he was about 10 weeks old. Never had any issues before. She seemed to always have a great touch with him, responsive to his needs, which have been a little touchy and fickle sometimes.

Other kids - there's a one year old and a 2 1/2 year old. The sitter also has some older kids who trickle home starting a little before I get back.

I don't think he's sick, he seems fine while I'm holding him. Though today he also had a strangely crabby spell after he woke up (from when I was texting you after I nursed him to sleep a half hour after we got home chill) so I'm not sure what's up with him.

His sleeping habits have been bad for months, on the first thread people said to check ears, he's had at least two appointments since then with clear ears.

Been blaming teething for a whole range of things for months, no sign of teeth yet.

I know nobody is happy all the time but it's concerning that the last 4 times in a row, split over 2 weeks, sitter reported issues and he also seemed sad.

He's growing well bh. I had some milk supply issues at the beginning so now whenever I have a question if he might be hungry I offer formula. He's usually happy with that, not sure why he wouldn't take it at the sitter suddenly. He took a bottle from dh on shabbos when I went out. I'm so confused.

amother

Mintcream

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 7:51 pm

Maybe he is constipated? You mentioned that he began eating cherrios and crackers or something.

I don't think this means anything about you going to work or the babysitter. He sounds like he is acting like a completely normal baby with normal baby issues.

I am thinking a parenting coach could be a great tool to help you adjust to baby things. Sounds like you are still not as confident as you would be comfortable with. Some people come into this with lots of baby experience and others don't, so no worries, you get experience.

I wouldn't say he is needy, do not think that babies cooperate at this age, ever, not sure that is an angle, and am slightly confused about carrots being fun. Many babies grow up great with working mothers.

Some women are more cut out for the baby stage than others and then are better when the kids are young adults. Everyone has their strengths. You are going to be fine, just take care of yourself and you will do great.

amother

Brickred

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 7:55 pm

amother Mintcream wrote:

This isn’t her first kid…

Op id check the ears but also could be stomach upset. Some babies are just very sensitive and needy and there’s not always answers.

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:19 pm

He could be constipated but he just had a big poop yesterday (more solid than usual so maybe constipation but also should be relieved today if he passed so much yesterday) and the day before he had a fine soft/loose normal poop.

I don't think it's just normal and lack of confidence because my babysitter is experienced as both a mother and a sitter, did great with him for several months, and she's also at a loss. She used to be the one who could put him to sleep, while at home he would only fall asleep nursing. And now she says he just seems unsettled and nothing seems to make him happy except me coming back.

I feel like the right thing to say would be, he's a baby, he's entitled to want his mommy, maybe I should just stay home like G-d intended and my mother and grandmother used to. But the financial strain is making me panic just thinking about it. We're just about making it right now to the point where I count our blessings and pay for what's needed but every "surprise" feels like a punch in the gut.

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:25 pm

amother

Mustard

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

The issues at the babysitter are relatively new. I wouldn't panic just yet. Give it some more time, play around a little with his diet and nap schedule, maybe send one of your shirts for him to sleep with and see how things go. He could just be having a developmental leap which often messes with sleeping habits. Or there may actually finally be teeth on the way. I wouldn't go into a tizzy from one bad week, he's 6 months old, he changes fast.

amother

Heather

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:45 pm

In our house, we call this mommy addiction. My youngest is addicted to me and we don’t know why. When I bring her to gan, she tries to seem miserable just for me. I just stuck with it and brought her anyway and showed her confidence. It’s been this way since she was six months and she’s three now. We’re at the, she walks in pretending to be sad phase but the tantrums have thankfully long stopped. She’d do anything to stay home with me but I need to work to feed her!

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 10:29 pm

amother Heather wrote:

What did you do when she was 6 months old?

He doesn't cry when I drop him off. It seems he starts off playing and fine. But then when he gets cranky, instead of letting the sitter settle him down he just keeps getting sadder.

ray family

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:12 am

Some babies are just harder. That’s just the reality of it. There’s little that you can do to change it. Just daven he grows out of it sooner rather than later.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 3:43 am

My baby was like that for a while and it turned out he had strep! He had a diaper rash that wouldn't go away and our pediatrician swabbed it and then treated with antibiotics. No other symptoms other than diaper rash. He finally started to sleep and eat once treated. I remember being terrified after falling asleep with him so many times because I could not put him down and he would scream for hours.

What I am getting at is that your baby can be sick or uncomfortable with no or only subtle symptoms. It is so so difficult! Good luck!

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 4:56 am

amother Forestgreen wrote:

But he's eating fine at home. Nursing normally and he took a bottle a couple of times so it's not the bottle. No rashes. No screaming.

amother

Cantaloupe

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 4:58 am

Please take him.to the doctor! My baby is doing something similar, sometimes they are sick or teething.

Try giving motrin right before he goes rot hr sitter and see if that helps, if so it could be that something is bothering him.

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 5:24 am

His well visit is tomorrow so I'm going to mention these things to the doctor but I'm not too hopeful.

I'm a little nervous to give medicine possibly for nothing but it may be worth a try. I tried it when his sleep was at its worst a month ago in case it was teething pain and it didn't help at all. But maybe it's time to try again.

Not sure which illness has its main symptom just wanting Mommy.

amother

Cantaloupe

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:34 am

Also, how many naps does he take? He could be sy thr transition from 3 naps to 2 naps and that is messing with his schedule. And or he needs an earlier bedtime.