Bar Mitzvah during sefira.

amother

Mulberry

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 11:59 pm

I have been to a bar mitzvah during sefira where they had acapella instead and I actually enjoyed it more than loud music.
I don't remember who they had but he was really good.

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:13 am

amother OP wrote:

iyh will be making bar mitzvah during sefira. what do ppl do instead of music?
sounds so boring to me...

Oh gosh, we are iyh also going to have a bar mitzvah during sefira, I didn’t even think about the music. A capella sounds good, and hopefully quieter than regular music!!

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:05 am

amother Lightblue wrote:

Bar mitzvah is not a wedding. U don't have to do dancing. Having said that, you can cancel with acapella

You can cancel? Do you mean dance?

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:08 am

Some people do the Shabbos b'zmano and the party once they can have music, either after sefirah or lag baomer. Some switch their sefirah minhag for that year- which is allowed if you hold one half or the other. Some just do the whole thing on Shabbos, and then men really sing, and it's a different kind of dancing- only works if you hold by dancing on Shabbos. Re accapella, I would check with your rav about playing it b'davkah so people can dance- many hold this is an issue.

What does your son want?

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:11 am

amother Bottlebrush wrote:

There are people who don’t dance on shabbos? I didn’t know that, what’s the reason?
And why is acapella and dancing an issue?

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:18 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

There are people who don’t dance on shabbos? I didn’t know that, what’s the reason?
And why is acapella and dancing an issue?

An essential reason for not listening to music during sefirah is because it often brings you to dance. There are shittos that allow listening to music if it's the slow kind that won't do that. Especially now that accapella music often sounds really close to real music, using it to dance can be a halachik question- people should check with their own rav.

Re dancing on Shabbos:
https://outorah.org/p/27230/

Note that to my knowledge, most poskim hold that men walking or stomping around in a circle isn't halachically dancing.

amother

Darkblue

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:32 am

I made two bar mitzvos during sfira. No music. No dancing as our rav does not allow during sfira. It was a bit shorter.

Im not sure how exciting bar mitzvas are even with dancing, unless youre the actual baalei simcha. It was still nice extended family shmoozing and eating time. But yeah, felt like a fancy melava malka. As the mother I has plenty to do and didn't notice the lack of dancing. I do think more extended relatives came because its a "light" time of year.
(This is Lakewood yeshivish circles)

As an alternative:
A relative made a wedding during covid as it was lifting and the venue did not allow dancing. They only had the immediate sibling's families of the ck attend, but I watched the video and in lieu of dancing they picked the funniest sib to mc and then had all the sibs get up to "toast" or roast the chosson kallah and they were about half hilarious and half touchingly mushy. But the brother who mcd was an absolute stand up comedian and everyone said that it was a blast even without dancing..... maybe try that (but dont embaress the bar mitzva boy!)

amother

Chicory

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:11 pm

One of my boys is born during the 3 weeks (right before Rosh Chodesh Av). It's early, I know (as he's 6), but IY"H I am NOT planning on doing a bar mitzvah at the right time. I will push it off till after Tisha B'av, as most people I know do.

If I were you, I would 100% absolutely do that. If having music and dancing is important to you, why are you torturing yourself?

I would feel VERY uncomfortable with fancy acapella music that was intended to actually replace regular music. That defeats the spirit of the time.

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:15 pm

Please ask ds what he wants. My ds's simchah came out during sefira, and it turns out he didn't want a big loud thing and was looking forward to excusing the lack of it on sefira and wanting to do it b'zmano. If he wants the whole matzav, yes, I would consider pushing it a bit if you're not already in and booked.

amother

Bergamot

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:29 pm

amother Chicory wrote:

We're doing exactly that this year. My son was born 2 weeks before 9 Av and he wouldn't dream of a bar Mitzva without music. It adds so much to the Simcha. We use a cheap venue, make a lot of food ourselves and use a good one man band. We'll do a small Seuda on the night of his Bar Mitzva. And then he's learning a masechta with DH so he can make a Siyum the night of the party so it will be a Seudas Mitzva.

amother

Lightpink

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 12:44 pm

Were iyh doing a bar mitzva in sefira. Acapella done the right way could be really beautiful. I would never dream of doing it a different day then the day of his birthday. What's the point? We celebrate the day he starts putting on tefilen.