Question. | Imamother

amother

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 3:51 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Are chossons side deciding who is invited or not?
Have the guests on your side been at the wedding or not?
I'm not qualified to give you an answer (I am not a fan of 7 brachot)

Yup...chosson's side is basically deciding everything. My daughter's best friend can't even come to the Shabbos because the chosson said no

amother

Pansy

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 4:11 am

This doesn’t sound normal.

Do you live in the same city? Why have the chossons side taken over Shabbos sheva brachos ? That is very unusual .

Do they have money?

I’m not sure how soon the wedding is but I would get in touch (either you or your husband) and stand very firm on having either Shabbos or Sunday night. Explain your reasoning that you want to have a weekend night so it’s more convenient for your guests. A weeknight doesn’t work for you unless it’s in addition to a night on the weekend. End of story . Don’t back down and don’t get stepped on.

Is the chosson himself nixing your daughter’s guest? If yes , that is a massive red flag.

amother

Mayflower

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 10:05 am

I'm totally on team easygoing, especially during engagement period, but the impression from your post op, is some rather rigid sounding behaviors on the chosson's side.
Is there a reason why they want to do all the sheva brochos, except the last one? I don't know what circles you're in, but most people I know, it's the kallah's side that does the shabbos, or it's split.
Really you should be able to sit down together and come to an agreement. I'm much more concerned about the chosson saying his kallah can't invite her friend-is it space limitations?
There's some possible red flags here, I would proceed with caution.

amother

Wallflower

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 10:29 am

Op, is the chassan's side sefardi? Is this a Shabbat Chattan? Or is the aufruf being held somewhere other than his hometown?

Also, is the wedding by you, in a place that is far from where the chassan's family lives? I'm wondering if the chassan's side is taking so many sheva brachos because most of their people can't or won't be coming to the wedding. Doesn't help me understand not allowing the kallah's best friend (unless someone is asking them to find housing for her and that's what they ate refusing.) Even if all of this is the case, there's a difference between discussing and demanding.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 10:30 am

amother OP wrote:

Chosson's side is doing Shabbos plus wants 3 more nights, leaving our family with only one night. The night they want to give us is the last one, which isn't even a "night" since it has to be done before shkiah

We really also wanted to have a weekend Sheva Brachos so people who work can come easily, but now just being given the last one, no one will even be able to come.

What should we do? We are feeling completely boxed out.

Is this your first wedding?
If they are insisting on Shabbos, ( and that is a Sefardi minhag btw) , you should at least get Motzai Shabbos Melave Malka Sheva Brachos.
You do know that you can have more than one sheva brachos on a day (or none), so you can do a brunch on Sunday (even if they are doing an evening sheva brachos that day). Or even a friday morning brunch.
Think outside the box.
Can you share a night and have a bigger sheva brachos with both sides doing it together?

I think its great that so many people want to do sheva brachos for the lucky couple. I hope you figure out a way to have your weekend sheva brachos.

ETA, if the Kallah really wants her best friend at the SHabbos, can you offer to pay for her? Personally, I would stay out of that and let the Kallah communicate to her Chasson that this is important to her so let him be the one to arrange it for her. There is always room for one more...

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 11:59 am

If it's the chosson who "doesn't allow" best friend to attend sheva brachos, he owes your dd an explanation!
(And it better be a good one!)
She doesn't have to share with you but he can't just say no without explaining.
If he doesn't have a reason, it's a major red flag!

amother

Dustypink

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 12:21 pm

First of all, I am team of: if someone else wants to do the work and make Sheva brachot, awesome! Less work and expense for me.
Do you have people you need to invite that are not invited to the wedding, or is it more of the same? If it is more of the same, I would gladly- gladly pass.
His saying no to her friends is a red flag. Is it a valid issue (space haskafa..) or is he separating her from her friends? This is her simcha