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-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries
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amother
DarkYellow
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 Mon, Mar 04 2024, 5:52 pm
| amother Cornsilk wrote: | Your playgroup morah charges $550 and has 20+ kids and no assistant?
That's very unusual!! Wow!!!
(That's $11000/month...never heard of such numbers!) |
With an assistant! Of course!
Its still a ton of $$ for her. I doubt that shes splitting her income in half.
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amother
Chocolate
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:06 pm
| amother DarkYellow wrote: | With an assistant! Of course!
Its still a ton of $$ for her. I doubt that shes splitting her income in half. |
I guess im just uncomfortable with the calculations of how much income they make
We don't know how much the Rebbi makes. We don't know if his wife makes a good income or not. We don't know if they have other sources of income.
We give gifts because they do so much for our children and we presume that they can use the money.
Im very uncomfortable that we don't think that our our Morahs, babysitters and playgroup Morahs "deserve" that same amount just because of how much they give for our kids.
When it comes to Women teachers, we start calculating how much we presume they're earning, comparing to ourselves, and we don't think that they may be even more needy than the Rebbeim. The playgroup Morahs aren't eligible for tuition breaks, for the various fundraisings, etc.
It just feels sexist. That we can't fargin another woman what we give to a man.
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amother
Bellflower
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:11 pm
I'm giving an $18 check (to rebbeim and morahs).
Pathetic, I know. But I can't afford more.
I stretched myself to give $36 for chanukah and I can't do another round of that again.
And before anyone jumps on me that I should prioritize, just realize my wigs are 10 years old. There is so little hair left on it you can see through to the cap. My car is an old 2008. Clothing for my kids is all hand me downs. My weekly grocery list is bare bones minimum. There is nothing else for me to cut out of my budget
And regarding pesach expenses, unlike the rebbeim I won't be getting chasdei lev, gift cards or a cash bonus. In fact, dh and I are both not paid for vacation time so the month of pesach means about 70% of the salary because of the week+ with no work, along with the huge Tom tov expenses
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amother
Opal
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:13 pm
| amother Bellflower wrote: | I'm giving an $18 check (to rebbeim and morahs).
Pathetic, I know. But I can't afford more.
I stretched myself to give $36 for chanukah and I can't do another round of that again.
And before anyone jumps on me that I should prioritize, just realize my wigs are 10 years old. There is so little hair left on it you can see through to the cap. My car is an old 2008. Clothing for my kids is all hand me downs. My weekly grocery list is bare bones minimum. There is nothing else for me to cut out of my budget
And regarding pesach expenses, unlike the rebbeim I won't be getting chasdei lev, gift cards or a cash bonus. In fact, dh and I are both not paid for vacation time so the month of pesach means about 70% of the salary because of the week+ with no work, along with the huge Tom tov expenses |
Not pathetic at all. It's actually very commendable that you stretch yourself to give what you can. If it's too little for the rebbe to appreciate, he can feel free to return it to you.
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amother
Bellflower
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:13 pm
| amother Chocolate wrote: | I guess im just uncomfortable with the calculations of how much income they make
We don't know how much the Rebbi makes. We don't know if his wife makes a good income or not. We don't know if they have other sources of income.
We give gifts because they do so much for our children and we presume that they can use the money.
Im very uncomfortable that we don't think that our our Morahs, babysitters and playgroup Morahs "deserve" that same amount just because of how much they give for our kids.
When it comes to Women teachers, we start calculating how much we presume they're earning, comparing to ourselves, and we don't think that they may be even more needy th  an the Rebbeim. The playgroup Morahs aren't eligible for tuition breaks, for the various fundraisings, etc.
It just feels sexist. That we can't fargin another woman what we give to a man. |
Not to nitpick, but who said across the board all playgroup morahs don't get tuition breaks? Many of them do
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amother
Opal
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:14 pm
| amother Chocolate wrote: | I guess im just uncomfortable with the calculations of how much income they make
We don't know how much the Rebbi makes. We don't know if his wife makes a good income or not. We don't know if they have other sources of income.
We give gifts because they do so much for our children and we presume that they can use the money.
Im very uncomfortable that we don't think that our our Morahs, babysitters and playgroup Morahs "deserve" that same amount just because of how much they give for our kids.
When it comes to Women teachers, we start calculating how much we presume they're earning, comparing to ourselves, and we don't think that they may be even more needy than the Rebbeim. The playgroup Morahs aren't eligible for tuition breaks, for the various fundraisings, etc.
It just feels sexist. That we can't fargin another woman what we give to a man. |
Why are you judging what others give? You want to give more to the morahs...go ahead. Everyone can give what they want to whoever they want. Nobody has to make excuses for how they distribute gifts.
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amother
Bellflower
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:15 pm
| amother Marigold wrote: | She charges an additional snack fee
Even if the rest of it adds up to 20k she walks away with 50 k which is what I make for a job where she has off whenever her kids have off |
50k is a standard salary for rebbeim (I have a relative in the field). And that's just for elementary, high school is more
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amother
Marigold
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:18 pm
| amother Bellflower wrote: | | 50k is a standard salary for rebbeim (I have a relative in the field). And that's just for elementary, high school is more |
50k for a rebbi who works 8:45-2:00/3:00 and also on Sundays vs a Morah who works 9:30-3 not on Sundays, etc
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galpal
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:21 pm
| amother Chocolate wrote: | Toys?
Supplies?
Crafts?
Plastic cups?
Any snacks, drinks?
Toilet paper, garbage bags, hand soap? |
In recent years morahs ask for parents to send in packs of cups, tissues, wipes etc and snack fee
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amother
Cyan
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 6:58 pm
The first time I ever heard of tipping on purim was 2 years ago.
This tipping culture is so out of hand. I really resent how the standards keep going up. It used to be just chanukah. Now its chanukah, purim, and year end. Its so insensitive to people who give their kishkas to pay tuition and scrape together to give a chanukah tip just to have this new standard started. Why cant rich people who want to show their appreciation do it quietly without making it the norm? Or is everyone now so rich that we now have to give hundreds of dollars 3x a year to every teacher? My tuition bill is 60k a year. That is my entire take home salary working full time.
I give $36-$50 chanukah time to rebbis and daycare teacher and contribute to the group collections for everyone else.
Now that purim became a thing I give the rebbis $18 on purim. Everyone else, we either just give nice mishloach manos or contribute to the group mishloach manos.
I still held out against the year end gift. Lets see how long I can withstand the pressure to give what I dont have.
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amother
Cornsilk
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:22 pm
| amother Marigold wrote: | My playgroup Morah charges 450 for 18 kids and has an assistant. So she makes almost 100k before paying the assistant who I don’t think gets more than 30 k
It’s in her home so no rent |
Regarding the bolded:
She could be renting her basement for a few hundreds per month, unless she has 18 kids in her kitchen/ dining room then kudos to her, must be really hard!
450×18= $81000
Where I live no assistant works for less than $30/h.
I'm not being petty but I get annoyed when ppl round up salaries about their children's morahs!
So now $50000/yr is a lot of money for a morah with 20 yrs experience...
If being a playgroup morah is such an amazing job, why there's a shortage of moris in lakewood???? 
(Eta: sorry, I realize I should have started a spin off...)
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amother
Marigold
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:24 pm
| amother Cornsilk wrote: | Regarding the bolded:
She could be renting her basement for a few hundreds per month, unless she has 18 kids in her kitchen/ dining room then kudos to her, must be really hard!
450×18= $81000
Where I live no assistant works for less than $30/h.
I'm not being petty but I get annoyed when ppl round up salaries about their children's morahs!
So now $50000/yr is a lot of money for a morah with 20 yrs experience...
If being a playgroup morah is such an amazing job, why there's a shortage of moris in lakewood???? |
She keeps one room for the group and rents out the other half of the basement 
The assistant is not there a full day
She makes a daycamp as well and charges a little more so I wrote almost 100k because 12 months $450 18 kids is $97000
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amother
DarkYellow
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:34 pm
| amother Chocolate wrote: | I guess im just uncomfortable with the calculations of how much income they make
We don't know how much the Rebbi makes. We don't know if his wife makes a good income or not. We don't know if they have other sources of income.
We give gifts because they do so much for our children and we presume that they can use the money.
Im very uncomfortable that we don't think that our our Morahs, babysitters and playgroup Morahs "deserve" that same amount just because of how much they give for our kids.
When it comes to Women teachers, we start calculating how much we presume they're earning, comparing to ourselves, and we don't think that they may be even more needy than the Rebbeim. The playgroup Morahs aren't eligible for tuition breaks, for the various fundraisings, etc.
It just feels sexist. That we can't fargin another woman what we give to a man. |
Actually I give the same amount of money to men and women in the same jobs. But when you pay someone for something directly you don't generally tip them and if you do it's not usually a significant amount of money.
So if someone has a business doing manicures in your house and they charge you $50 you usually just pay them $50. If it's a worker you'll usually add a little extra. If the business owner has been coming often and you're super appreciative, you'll probably give her a gift at some opportune time. Not necessarily money. This has nothing to do with sexism. In a similar example with the opposite gender, I pay my kids learning Rebbe, a lot, directly and I do not give him a bonus on chanukah.
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amother
DarkYellow
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:40 pm
| amother Cyan wrote: | The first time I ever heard of tipping on purim was 2 years ago.
This tipping culture is so out of hand. I really resent how the standards keep going up. It used to be just chanukah. Now its chanukah, purim, and year end. Its so insensitive to people who give their kishkas to pay tuition and scrape together to give a chanukah tip just to have this new standard started. Why cant rich people who want to show their appreciation do it quietly without making it the norm? Or is everyone now so rich that we now have to give hundreds of dollars 3x a year to every teacher? My tuition bill is 60k a year. That is my entire take home salary working full time.
I give $36-$50 chanukah time to rebbis and daycare teacher and contribute to the group collections for everyone else.
Now that purim became a thing I give the rebbis $18 on purim. Everyone else, we either just give nice mishloach manos or contribute to the group mishloach manos.
I still held out against the year end gift. Lets see how long I can withstand the pressure to give what I dont have. |
I don't give year end. And except on this site where people actually ask, most don't usually tell people how much money they give... so why is it that people are 'raising the standards' if it's not something you can even know?
Personally, I have an enormous amount of appreciation for all of my kids teachers. The ones that put in the most hours in school deserve to get the highest amount.
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amother
Cinnamon
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:43 pm
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The OP is asking for average. While is wonderful to give 500 and very nice to give anything if you can only afford 18-36, that's all not average. I've asked around, heimish chassidish type, most gave 100-250.
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amother
Honey
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:48 pm
Tips are all about hakaras hatov. I remember a time where I was resentful to give the extra cash. I’ve come a long way in realizing just how much these rabbeim and teachers do! I would never trade jobs with them!! Every year I increase the amount I give- not only because of inflation, but because my gratitude grows. I have one son that’s extremely challenging and the rabbeim give so much extra time and effort for him so for that kid I give a lot more than the others. I start at $150 for Purim (chanuka I give a bit more) and go up for the challenging kid , or if a Rebbi is beyond the norm. In general though, I have a really good feeling giving. They deserve it!!! When you go to a restaurant, you tip the waiter 18% that does absolutely nothing but bring over a couple plates. Don’t you think a teacher deserves more?
The ONLY part that bothers me is that the rabbeim just expect it. One year, I didn’t give my check on time because I was away, and I got a note thanking me for the gift!! It just became automatic - they include a thank you to the class in the newsletter or something- and not a personal thank you which is what I see it as.
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amother
Marigold
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:50 pm
| amother Honey wrote: | Tips are all about hakaras hatov. I remember a time where I was resentful to give the extra cash. I’ve come a long way in realizing just how much these rabbeim and teachers do! I would never trade jobs with them!! Every year I increase the amount I give- not only because of inflation, but because my gratitude grows. I have one son that’s extremely challenging and the rabbeim give so much extra time and effort for him so for that kid I give a lot more than the others. I start at $150 for Purim (chanuka I give a bit more) and go up for the challenging kid , or if a Rebbi is beyond the norm. In general though, I have a really good feeling giving. They deserve it!!! When you go to a restaurant, you tip the waiter 18% that does absolutely nothing but bring over a couple plates. Don’t you think a teacher deserves more?
The ONLY part that bothers me is that the rabbeim just expect it. One year, I didn’t give my check on time because I was away, and I got a note thanking me for the gift!! It just became automatic - they include a thank you to the class in the newsletter or something- and not a personal thank you which is what I see it as. |
My son’s rebbeim mail thank you cards. ($150-250 gift)
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kenz
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 9:53 pm
| amother DarkYellow wrote: | Uh oh.
Yearly thread lol.
There are always going to be people who give a lot because they have a lot and then there will be those who say it's not necessary & they shld be happy with a note, and then there will be those who say the first ones are showing off and then there will be those who say that it is necessary and then and then and then. 
We give all rebbeim $500 plus a nicer mm, plus the menahel(s). They work 6 days a week, 11 months.
We give all teachers- men/women for our boys) a regular MM plus $100.
I don't have a daughter in school right now but if I remember both her Hebrew and English teachers used to get the same and somewhere between those amounts. |
Wow, yasher ko’ach to you. That’s really a true display of hakaras hatov.
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amother
Bellflower
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 10:24 pm
| amother Honey wrote: | Tips are all about hakaras hatov. I remember a time where I was resentful to give the extra cash. I’ve come a long way in realizing just how much these rabbeim and teachers do! I would never trade jobs with them!! Every year I increase the amount I give- not only because of inflation, but because my gratitude grows. I have one son that’s extremely challenging and the rabbeim give so much extra time and effort for him so for that kid I give a lot more than the others. I start at $150 for Purim (chanuka I give a bit more) and go up for the challenging kid , or if a Rebbi is beyond the norm. In general though, I have a really good feeling giving. They deserve it!!! When you go to a restaurant, you tip the waiter 18% that does absolutely nothing but bring over a couple plates. Don’t you think a teacher deserves more?
The ONLY part that bothers me is that the rabbeim just expect it. One year, I didn’t give my check on time because I was away, and I got a note thanking me for the gift!! It just became automatic - they include a thank you to the class in the newsletter or something- and not a personal thank you which is what I see it as. |
What a tone deaf post. We always have a bunch of these on these threads. They're honestly really hurtful.
I dont have an ounce less of hakaras hate than you. My gratitude towards the teachers is equal to yours. My financial situation is not. I cannot give more than $36 for chanukah and $18 for purim.
The restaurant analogy is stupid. Rebbeim are paid better than waiters. And anyway I'm married 10 years and never once went with dh to a restaurant with waiters.
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amother
Opal
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Mon, Mar 04 2024, 10:26 pm
| kenz wrote: | | Wow, yasher ko’ach to you. That’s really a true display of hakaras hatov. |
It's a true display of her wealth too. Many people have equal hakoras hatov but don't have the financial means to give that much money
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