Is it my fault ? | Imamother

amother

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:26 pm

My married kids are not close. I have one dd & rest boys. My dd finds it a chore & hard to ‘be there ‘ for her brother. (They live in same city as each other ) I know me & my sibs are not close. But I had an abusive childhood & my father divided us & used to talk horribly about our other sibs behind d their backs. I swore I’d never do that. & I didn’t.

My dd who is in her thirties has a very full life & I don’t have any complaints that she is not close to her brother

Her husband is super close to his sibs & has a very big family.

I feel
Like I did something wrong. Why aren’t my kids close ? It was a normal regular childhood. Love , respect , some conflict. Etc

amother

Emerald

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:35 pm

I’m not close to my (only) sister.
had a great loving childhood.
Am close to my parents
So is she

We are both well liked accomplished people but are very very different

Take yourself out of this. It’s not your ‘fault’ and it’s not even a bad thing. It just is what it is

I’d give my sister a kidney (chas cshalom) and she to me. But we’re not close.

amother

Tulip

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:37 pm

I know that with my siblings the more I have contact the easier it is to stay close. On side of our family the parents have more get-togethers and we’re closer.
Can you facilitate something like that, find reasons every month or so for the kids to get together by you? The cousins will get closer too. There’s no way around that.
And this will take the “ol” off your daughter she might just naturally grow a closer relationship with your son.

amother

Cornsilk

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think that it's normal for women to not have such a close relationship with brothers, as with sisters. You didn't do anything wrong.
Do your son's have a close relationship with each other's?

amother

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 6:24 am

I don’t live in same city, but
I try not to let more than 6 weeks to 2 months go by without a visit. & we always get together & it’s really nice.

I’m thinking that I’m not such a parent mother. I mean more like their friend or chum or buddy. I don’t act very parent-like.
I honestly don’t remember how it was back when I was raising them, but now we’re more friends. I think it’s nice but maybe it’s not how it’s supposed to be…
I think a lot about the idea of sibs who ‘have each others back ‘ & those that don’t. My kids def don’t. And my son in laws sibs def do

What makes families differ ?
My kids def LOVE each other!
But aren’t close. It doesn’t come naturally

amother

Pink

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 7:50 am

A family is compromised of the individuals. The individuals will have their own personalities. Some personalities mesh well together, others not as much. Some are looking for more closeness, others less. It's really not productive to try to find a reason, especially since there's nothing you can do- and you certainly can't change their upbringing. So guilt has no place here.

amother

Diamond

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 12:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s not your daughter’s responsibility to be there for her brother
Healthy close relationships are a two way street.

Personally I’m not super close to my siblings. My husband’s family is tho.
I sometimes think about it especially when I don’t see or speak to my siblings for weeks and meet my in laws multiple times in that time period. I don’t think there is anything my parents should have done different so that we should be close as adults. It’s out of their control

Sometimes it’s just life. People get busy and since we don’t live in the same house we don’t automatically have a relationship.

I might not be close to them on the day to day basis but if they are ever in a rough place I would 100% drop everything and be there for them.
Would give the shirt off my back for them no questions asked.