What do you say? - R shais taub this week

amother

Navy

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 4:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

the despised woman and comfort from the torah....

I would have answered that the answer is in her question. She was so excited for marriage that she "built up her reputation to get the "best" shidduch".

When you're looking for the "best" and "top" you forget to look for the most important thing: compatibility.

amother

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 6:17 pm

amother Navy wrote:

thats why her husband hates her?

amother

Lemonchiffon

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 6:23 pm

I say that we only know her side. She may be right. And I actually do get a lot of comfort from looking to Leah and her life circumstances and results, when I'm thinking about my difficult marriage. But it's also possible that she is very difficult and he is tolerating her. And it's possible that he doesn't hate her but she is misinterpreting a lot.

amother

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 6:30 pm

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

she claims she is confused cos is so likeable outside the home.

a person can be likeble in one place but not likeable somewhere else.

like a sweet, nice but not so deep girl can have lots of friends if majority of girls are like her but the deeper, mature ones wont connect to her.

I was also thinking maybe her husband was forced into marriage?

is it like yakov forced being married to leah and resented it?

amother

Apple

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 6:32 pm

I thought he was extremely validating. She didn’t ask for opinions, judgement, or advice. She got sympathy and a positive outlook on the situation she’s in.

amother

Blush

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 6:40 pm

I was blown away by his response.

And I was blown away by last week's (or was it the week before?) response to the therapy/parental alienation question.

Rabbi Shais Taub must be a brilliant and very learned man, with tremendous insight into human nature. He just got a new Chasidah! (And I'm as litvish as they come).

(and reading the previous responses - good thing this woman didn't ask this question on imamother, lol).

amother

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 6:46 pm

amother Blush wrote:

his answer was beautiful.

but I have so many questions.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 7:10 pm

I LOVED it!! It was the best article I ever read. Being married to a narcissist is not easy by far. The craving…the loneliness, the pain… so much emotional pain… the longing of wanting your husband to be your friend and yet he is your enemy on most days is draining!!

I felt as if I wrote it myself. Such a great reply. It gave me so much chiyus. What he said about Leah… especially the part that she also wanted a good marriage from before her marriage began… wow! I can so relate to most of it. I’m so grateful that they printed this question. I’m sure I’m not the only woman that has gained tremendously.

amother

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 7:59 pm

amother Geranium wrote:

I am so sorry for your pain.

glad it gave you much needed chizuk.

she however was confused as he is not a narcissist or abusive.

so she cant blame it on a personality problem or a middos issue.

he is polite and courteous , just plain doesnt like her,

amother

SandyBrown

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 8:07 pm

Loved his response.
One thing I would add. He should have told her to resign herself that this is it. She should make no effort to endear herself to him. She should act polite, courteous, but indifferent. Basically the way he acts to her.
It just may help that all of a sudden he will feel that he has to pursue her. He is getting it too easily so he spurns it.
I wonder if she would do that if suddenly he would display interest in her.

amother

Blush

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 8:18 pm

amother SandyBrown wrote:

She said that she had tried doing that. Didn't help.

amother

Cerulean

Sat, Mar 09 2024, 8:21 pm

I loved it as someone who feels the opposite. Like the whole world hates me except my husband.

I wonder what his answer would be to that.