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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Appropriate reaction - teen car accident
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:37 pm
Hi
I am looking for some feedback, on what is a normal reaction for a parent to have when their teenager was in a no fault accident with a brand new car. Unfortunately we’ve been having a lot of bad “luck” lately and had a slew of no fault accidents, so don’t want to go through insurance again.

I need to be the go between between my spouse and child and just want to get some feedback on what’s a normal reaction and best way to handle all the big emotions

Do you make your child, who doesn’t have a job, pay back some of the costs? Do you have consequences? How does the conversation realistically go in your house?
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amother
Whitesmoke


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:41 pm
amother OP wrote:
Hi
I am looking for some feedback, on what is a normal reaction for a parent to have when their teenager was in a no fault accident with a brand new car. Unfortunately we’ve been having a lot of bad “luck” lately and had a slew of no fault accidents, so don’t want to go through insurance again.

I need to be the go between between my spouse and child and just want to get some feedback on what’s a normal reaction and best way to handle all the big emotions

Do you make your child, who doesn’t have a job, pay back some of the costs? Do you have consequences? How does the conversation realistically go in your house?


I dont see how there can be any blame or upset feelings towards the child if they werent at fault for the accident. I also dont see how its fair to make them pay for the damage, when its your decision to not go through insurance

Also side note, please have your mezuzahs checked
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Cookin4days




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:41 pm
If it’s wasn’t there fault why should there be consequences? How would they pay back if they have no job? My sister was in a no fault accident my parents just told her she needs to be more aware and more careful.
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amother
Sunflower


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:42 pm
amother OP wrote:
Hi
I am looking for some feedback, on what is a normal reaction for a parent to have when their teenager was in a no fault accident with a brand new car. Unfortunately we’ve been having a lot of bad “luck” lately and had a slew of no fault accidents, so don’t want to go through insurance again.

I need to be the go between between my spouse and child and just want to get some feedback on what’s a normal reaction and best way to handle all the big emotions

Do you make your child, who doesn’t have a job, pay back some of the costs? Do you have consequences? How does the conversation realistically go in your house?


Doesn't no fault mean the teen had no fault?
In the case, no I don't think you should make the child pay some of the costs. They weren't at fault and that's what insurance is for. I understand that you don't want to use insurance, but why is that on the teen.
What type of consequence would be appropriate? What exactly are they getting a consequence for?

I was in an accident as a teen, wasn't my parents and the person didn't want to claim insurance and refused to take my money.
The lesson I learned is that people make mistakes, and how the adults in their life react has a tremendous impact.

You allowed a teen to drive the car, they didn't do anything wrong, so I don't see why they should get a consequence.
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amother
Marigold


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:45 pm
Doesnt no fault mean the other person hit the car? Rear ending or something? How is it the kids fault?
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amother
Jade


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:45 pm
When I was 19 in an accident I called my dad crying. My dad’s reaction, I’m so sorry this happened. Are you ok?
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amother
Cherry


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:48 pm
I'll never forget my first accident. I was a new driver and I was at fault. My dad said there's a reason we call them accidents but please be more careful in future because if you were on a highway going 60 you could have been seriously injured. That was it he never spoke of it again
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amother
Oatmeal


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:49 pm
amother Jade wrote:
When I was 19 in an accident I called my dad crying. My dad’s reaction, I’m so sorry this happened. Are you ok?


Same.

I touched a car and freaked out.

My dads first response was "Is anyone hurt?".
Bh
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:00 pm
Not sure if no fault is the right terminology. Not sure exactly what happened, I think he backed into something but there was no other car involved.

My DH is a worst case kinda guy and doesn’t realize how damaging his reaction is to this situation.

So hard to be caught in the middle of it.
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amother
Zinnia


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:04 pm
amother OP wrote:
Not sure if no fault is the right terminology. Not sure exactly what happened, I think he backed into something but there was no other car involved.

My DH is a worst case kinda guy and doesn’t realize how damaging his reaction is to this situation.

So hard to be caught in the middle of it.

In that case I would probably have him try to come up with at least part of the money needed for repairs.
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amother
Skyblue


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:04 pm
I think what I'm gathering is that there is some measure of irresponsibility on the teenager's part since this is a recurring issue.
If you are old enough to drive, you also are old enough to take ownership of your driving. I would sit down with my teen over ice cream and say that what's going on now isn't safe. We can't have our car getting ruined this often and chv the next time could be worse. What can we do? Maybe your teen needs to take a break from night time driving or take a defensive driving course or not drive certain friends because they are a distraction. Brainstorm together with the perspective of working together to keep everyone safe.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:06 pm
I think all you can do is focus on bh no one is hurt, the car can be fixed. It will cost $X.

What’s an appropriate portion to have the teen pay for it? Can you help them get a job or odd jobs or give them odd jobs (above household chores) to do? It should be an amount they have to spend effort earning but not be so ridiculous that it’s not achievable.

Maybe also some time not being allowed to drive.

Natural consequences for damaging things while driving someone else’s car.


Last edited by NotInNJMommy on Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
DarkRed


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:07 pm
amother OP wrote:
Not sure if no fault is the right terminology. Not sure exactly what happened, I think he backed into something but there was no other car involved.

My DH is a worst case kinda guy and doesn’t realize how damaging his reaction is to this situation.

So hard to be caught in the middle of it.


This isn't no fault. No fault is an accident that wasn't someone's fault. This sounds careless. And in that case I wouldn't let the teen drive for x amount of time or teen could work and contribute to the car repairs.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:16 pm
amother OP wrote:
Hi
I am looking for some feedback, on what is a normal reaction for a parent to have when their teenager was in a no fault accident with a brand new car. Unfortunately we’ve been having a lot of bad “luck” lately and had a slew of no fault accidents, so don’t want to go through insurance again.

I need to be the go between between my spouse and child and just want to get some feedback on what’s a normal reaction and best way to handle all the big emotions

Do you make your child, who doesn’t have a job, pay back some of the costs? Do you have consequences? How does the conversation realistically go in your house?

Age of teen?
Who is the owner of brand new car?
You need to be more specific how come you have had bad luck and insurance.
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:25 pm
Is this the first accident for this teen? If yes, I would definitely let it go. It's normal for a new driver to make such a mistake. If this teen is constantly having such accidents, I would have them pay at least partially. I would also consider having them go for additional driving lessons to help them learn better driving skills.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:55 pm
Does the teen drive a bit recklessly or is it more nerves/inexperience? If the latter, imo, you should try to help them become a better driver. Yelling at them and telling them to pay won’t help. If the former, then some consequences are appropriate, some imas here had some good suggestions.
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amother
Kiwi


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 3:07 pm
I got into 2 accidents as a teen. My parents don't like to use their insurance. The first time, I paid half. I babysat a ton until I had the money and paid them back slowly.

The second time, the guy was a sweetheart. He was so worried about me and kept making sure I was ok even though I was at fault. He was supposed to go to the shop with his car and tell me what it costed. Never heard from him again. He apparently was in the army and drafted. I hope he's alive and well and just decided to forgive me.
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amother
Almond


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 3:48 pm
My grandfather always used to say - no point getting upset over something that can be fixed with money. in other words if noone was hurt, dont be upset, learn from it to be more careful in future and move on.

When my sister was in an accident (she backed into a tree) the biggest lesson was - BH it was only a tree, it could have been a person. She was so shaken afterwards, that it really taught her the responsibility of what driving a car means, and how a car is a lethal weapon, and to keep alert the whole time.
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amother
Holly


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 3:56 pm
My father response was,
I did it to my father and he was calm and when it happens to your kids you will do the same iyh
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amother
Brown


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2024, 4:38 pm
amother OP wrote:
Hi
I am looking for some feedback, on what is a normal reaction for a parent to have when their teenager was in a no fault accident with a brand new car. Unfortunately we’ve been having a lot of bad “luck” lately and had a slew of no fault accidents, so don’t want to go through insurance again.

I need to be the go between between my spouse and child and just want to get some feedback on what’s a normal reaction and best way to handle all the big emotions

Do you make your child, who doesn’t have a job, pay back some of the costs? Do you have consequences? How does the conversation realistically go in your house?


The fact that the car is brand new is irrelevant. When you let a teenager drive a car, you should expect a higher chance of an accident than if you yourself were driving it. Do you only own brand new cars? I wouldnt let my teen drive a brand new car if there were other options.
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