Who preps the shabbos candles?

happy mom1

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:25 am

Is it an inyan for the husband to prepare the shabbos candles? Vs my son doing it.

singleagain

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:26 am

My dad sets up the candles. I think I remember him saying that he should be involved in the mitzvah also. He also sets all the electric lights for that reasons.

eduardo

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:31 am

In my house and everyone I know, husbands set up their wives candles. I don’t know the source but know it’s a thing

animeme

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:32 am

Dh used to but it got logistically crazy- he would be very last minute and it's easier for me if I do it. But he does buy the oil, and he sets the lights- which are part of the mitzvah as well.

happy mom1

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:34 am

My husband gave it to my son as an erev shabbos job and it doesn't sit right with me. So I'm wondering if there's a source for the husband specifically doing it.

Olive

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:36 am

I do it & have done so for many years. Sometimes you need to know when to give up & move on. His loss, not worth the argument.

613mitzvahgirl

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:38 am

My husband does it for me and my father does it for my mother.
My brothers do it for their wives.
I always wondered why.. interesting minds want to know.

caffeine99

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:49 am

happy mom1 wrote:

My husband gave it to my son as an erev shabbos job and it doesn't sit right with me. So I'm wondering if there's a source for the husband specifically doing it.

Yes the source is that because women brought the darkness in the world (through causing Adam to sin by the cheit eitz hadaas) it's our job to add in the light of Shabbos.
Because men actually sinned they help and prepare the candles.

Kitzur Shulchan Aruch Siman 75 seif 5

happy mom1

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:51 am

Olive wrote:

I do it & have done so for many years. Sometimes you need to know when to give up & move on. His loss, not worth the argument.

It's not an argument here. More a matter of practicality and wanted the kids to have an erev shabbos job. He'd gladly do it if I asked him to but I wouldn't ask him to unless I know it's specifically an inyan. Hence me asking if there's a source.

singleagain

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:54 am

happy mom1 wrote:

Could they split the job? Like, my mom uses tea lights one of the things my dad does is lights them and blows them out to make it easier for my mom to light. If you're DH wants your son to have an erev shabbat job can something like that help? Or maybe if you use floating wicks your son can put them together?

naomi2

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:07 pm

My father does it for my mother and I once asked dh years ago if he would do it for me and he said no.

Ema of 5

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:12 pm

Growing up, my grandparents lived with us. My grandfather always did for my grandmother, and my father always did for my mother. My husband used to do it for me, but then there was just too much to do in the day, so I or my son do the wicks, and my husband puts the oil.

mom923

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:13 pm

DH always did it for me. He tries to have it done by Wednesday and I love that the candles are set earlier. Gets us excited for shabbos.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:55 pm

I did for a long time. Then one motzaei shabbat my husband was cleaning out the candle holders and put the new candles in and it became a tradition. So after havdalah now he sets the candles for the next shabbat.

BH Yom Yom

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:58 pm

DH wanted me to light oil instead of candles (we discussed this when we were engaged) - I told him I was willing to use oil lights for Shabbos, but only if he is going to set them up and deal with cleaning them out.