How to parent toddler instead of potching

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:33 am

I grew up in a house where parents gave a light potch if a child did something truly dangerous ex running into the street. (My husband's house OTOH they potched for real left and right for everything...)

I don't want to potch my kids ever. My oldest just turned two and I haven't had any situations until now that were super dangerous and I couldn't keep her away from danger easily. Recently, she started climbing on the oven (I have an oven lock so the door stays closed and she's using the handle as a support to climb up the side).

I keep telling her "No, it's very dangerous" sharply and take her down and try to redirect but she thinks it's fun to keep trying again and again. And sometimes I need to cook so I can't just entertain her the whole time.

A few times, I've felt myself on the verge of giving her a potch which I DO NOT want to do.

Can any more experienced imas give me advice?

Thank you

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:43 am

Sebastian wrote:

Tell her no and strap her in the high chair every time she does it

This would actually be a great idea, if not for the fact that a month ago she decided that she gets to sit in a big chair by mealtimes (she is NOT ready!) and I want to make her high chair a super positive place

amother

Khaki

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:49 am

For real danger like this if she doesn’t stop a potch might be the only way you can keep her safe.

What I did with the oven is from when they are few months old I say hot, boo boo, no touch, ouch, any time I use the oven and stove. And all my kids stayed far away. I also tell them I need them to move back when I open the oven door or have a pot on. You have to set the danger boundaries really early before they fully understand it.

amother

Holly

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:54 am

amother OP wrote:

So put her in her crib for a few minutes. You can stay there with her. Tell her she needs to stay safe.
A stroller can also work.

amother

DarkViolet

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 10:01 am

How old?

Get a safety gate for the kitchen door or even a standalone gate that you can pit around the oven while cooking.

Prevention is always better than punishment for safety issues, regardless of what the punishment is.

As for a other tactic, this one takes time, but will work eventually. Every time your child.climbs up, take him off - no talking,.no eye contact, no emotion. Make it boring. It might take a few dozen times but it will stop being fun and he'll do something else.

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 10:04 am

Safety gate for the kitchen is a thought but I wouldn't want it up all the time. My stairs one was annoying enough when she was the age I needed it closed.

Do they make good temporary ones that will hold up to a climb happy kid? Confused

amother

Lilac

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 10:08 am

I always would put them in a confined area when they weren't being safe. So trying to run in the street means back in the stroller, you don't get to walk today even if you want to. Being unsafe in the kitchen, sorry, you have to stay in the highchair/play pen even though you want to play next to me. They learn through that too, though I think it does maybe take a bit longer to sink in than a potch.

amother

Teal

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 10:49 am

If you have to give a smack do it on the hand and not on the butt. The butt is a private part and even 2yo feel a sense of shame and embarassment about getting smacked there. A smack on the hand doesn't have the same shame/embarassment and is thus kinder.

The butt is the kinder place is you are really going to give them a hard whipping, because it is most padded/least vulnerable. But for all the people claiming they're just giving a light tap, might as well do it on the hand and save the child the shame/ embarassment.

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:00 am

amother Teal wrote:

My parents did a light tap on the hand but I don't want to do even that. I remember what it felt like emotionally

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:01 am

amother Black wrote:

A really stern NO and sit in the corner once they’re aware and cry a little it’s ok for 2 min and then give them a hug and kiss and say it gives boo boos

So I'd rather not do this. I like the idea of the high chair or stroller etc because it seems like a natural consequence rather than a time out (I need to keep her safe bec she's not keeping safe herself) Though I guess the difference is more about framing than anything else

chanatron1000

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:08 am

When it comes to safety, there's no need for natural consequences. In fact, in a way the entire point is to avoid the natural consequences. The point is to make it clear that it's a NO. But it's important to remember that this isn't about chinuch. Toddlers have no concept of safety. A toddler who behaves this way is perfectly normal for the developmental stage, and she'll learn when she reaches the age that's capable of understanding.

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:10 am

chanatron1000 wrote:

I hear that.

This parenting thing is only going to get harder and more confusing right? Wink

amother

Magnolia

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:15 am

amother OP wrote:

My parents did a light tap on the hand but I don't want to do even that. I remember what it felt like emotionally

Why is it bad to feel so bad if someone gave them a light tap when they did something really dangerous? If they told you no and you didn't listen & they had to potch, then maybe you just felt guilty?
The whole concept of repercussions of actions is that you should feel bad and not repeat it. Why is this a problem emotion to feel?

amother

Taupe

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:52 am

I work in an elementary school and at times I see girls doing certain things or behaving in a certain way and all I think is this kid needs a good slap.
I know many of you will disagree with me. I was bh brought up in a very functional home, and yes, my parents on occasion slapped me, and sometimes it even hurt.
I don’t believe there is something wrong with a child knowing who is the boss. Children need to learn what no means, and that it is non-negotiable.

Just to give an example - there is one girl in second grade that is always complaining that she is sick. The mother told the teacher to ignore when she complains and not to send her to the office. In addition, she is seeing the social worker because of this.
In my opinion, this child needs some strong chinuch. The social worker sees her and validates her, plays with her, etch etc.
I don’t see anything wrong with mom saying (obviously after first making sure there is no bullying or other things happening to her physically or emotionally) ‘zeeskite, if the school calls me one more time that you are sick and you are really feeling fine, xyz will happen’
It isn’t fair to the teacher to have to deal with the girl sitting in the room and constantly crying/ complaining because her mother is not giving her some tough love.