Tichel ambivalence from a Shaitel wearer

amother

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 11:04 pm

The ambivalence of feeling not like myself and less attractive without hair showing, and I have such mixed feelings about it.

I am Ashkenaz and I know in some Sephardic circles it’s more common or even preferred. I live in Brooklyn and plenty of people wear tichels. I grew up in a less religious home where tichels and even wigs were seen as weird and “too religious looking” and I’m the first in my entire family to cover. Ironically as a teenager I got a tichel from Israel and used to enjoy wearing it at home and part of me always wanted to cover my hair. I see so many cute tichels but without hair I also feel strange. At the same time as a married woman, I like the idea of not looking too “attractive” to men, yet even with cute makeup and earrings I feel a little shlumpy in a tichel, even though it looks beautiful on other women. I am finding myself very tempted by the beautiful ones I see on other women so maybe I’ll get more to wear at home…

Can anyone relate? I’m married ten months

amother

Mocha

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 11:11 pm

I do not relate as I love wearing tichels, especially when I am looking put together. I guess you can say I like to make a bit of a statement. You know, that tichels aren't inherently shlumpy lol

However, I totally understand where you are coming from. It is a different look and it does take some confidence to feel amazing without hair framing your face.

The makeup, earrings, and a cute outfit definitely helps.

It sounds like you are interested in trying out the look. Maybe start getting comfortable wearing tichels in your home first. After some time, you may decide to start wearing them out and about too.

Just remember that you do you! If it isn't your look, that's totally fine. No pressure!

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Apr 01 2024, 11:17 pm

I'm sefardi and wear sheitals. I do think tichels aren't as put together.
I wear tichels or snoods around my house.

Also you should change your mindset re not looking attractive to men. I really find it adds unnecessary internal pressure on women when the onus is really on men. As long as your hair is covered you're fine.

You have to do whats normal in your community. Speak to your husband and see what he prefers too. Its hard for my friends that wear tichels and mitpachats to weddings. I could never do that