I know I'm a grown up but the seder is Soooo boring

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 6:03 pm

I have ADHD so maybe it's that???
My husband runs a pretty engaging seder kids wise but I'm always so bored during maggid, it's hard for me to sit for so long and read so slow.
In my parents house,I used to get up and "help" in the kitchen. In our own home there is nothing to do in the kitchen and it's right there open plan so it's obvious that I'm doing nothing.
Any ideas?
I don't want my kids to notice how bored I am.

amother

Cyclamen

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 6:19 pm

I cannot handle eating all the matzah at 12:30 or so... besides I am probably also somewhat ADD & bored.

So, after hearing from a friend with an elderly unwell mother, and her father went fast, I said, why can't I do that for myself?

(Also my husband DRONES the Haggadah, I can't take it. And there's way too much saying perushim. And in my head my father is saying "can't we get moving..." We tried very hard to have him go to my sibs after a couple of years of that, but it definitely influenced me.

So I have my own matzos and after Maggid I go right ahead all the way to washing & matzah and maror. Then I take a little soup, sit around or prepare the maror for everyone or go to the bathroom & read etc etc. I might wait to eat the afikomen with everyone but at least I'm not rushing 3 shiurim after 12.

Yes the first year each son in law came I was slightly self-conscious, but you know what? I need to do what works for me!

I didn't do this when my kids were younger, not sure how I survived.

amother

Wine

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 6:55 pm

I am not a night person. And I long ago decided that the seder makes no sense. And I feel that the ma nishtana is over rated. But we can make it fun for the kids. And that's what I try to focus on. I dont mind the food parts. I dont enjoy the singing parts because I am at my in laws. But everyone else likes it.

amother

Apple

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 7:09 pm

We do a really fast seder. It's beautiful and interactive and I love it so much. We're usually in bed by 11, 12 max. Create a Seder you enjoy going to.

amother

Bottlebrush

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 7:40 pm

amother Apple wrote:

We do a really fast seder. It's beautiful and interactive and I love it so much. We're usually in bed by 11, 12 max. Create a Seder you enjoy going to.

The problem with this approach is when you have teens who don't want the fast Seder.
I have teen yeshiva bachurim that if it was up to them, the Seder would be very long and drawn out.
I can't just unilaterally decide to make a Seder like I want without taking their needs into consideration

Elfrida

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:02 pm

amother Bottlebrush wrote:

You can't make a unilateral decision, but you can, in discussion with the family, decide to be makpid to finish the afikomen by chatzot.

Working backwards, that means starting the meal at least an hour before chatzot (more if you want), and finishing Maggid about forty five minutes before your agreed time to start the meal.

Draw up a rough schedule for the evening, and stick to it. Further discussions about Yetziat Miztrayim can take place during and after the meal, of even the next day.

amother

Peony

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:05 pm

Maybe take naps in the middle
The men sit at the table the entire time the kids are usually asleep and we take turns serving/ getting kids to bed and taking naps ourselves it’s actually easier than sitting at the table the whole night

Rubber Ducky

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:08 pm

A good Haggaddah is a big help. I love (and use) the Passover Haggadah Graphic Novel: https://www.amazon.com/Passove.....r=8-1

It's so engaging that we have given it as gifts to non-religious relatives.

amother

Tuberose

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:11 pm

I know you didn’t ask for this but I’m kind of jealous. I wish my Seder was so drawn out that I get bored. We’re with my in laws by the Seder so I have no say and they just read straight through it and finish verrrryyy fast. I don’t even hear 1/4 of what they’re reading because they don’t stop for kids and my toddler always needs something. I get very sad on pesach that I missed out on the mitzvah of sipur yetzias mitzrayim

amother

Diamond

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:20 pm

amother Bottlebrush wrote:

Let them stay up with dh afterwards and talk about yetzias mitzraim all night! That's what we do. My parents like a fast seder, so they go through it relatively quickly, then we put the younger kids to sleep and stay up with the older ones talking about all the yesodai haemunah. It's amazing, best part of Pesach in our family. If I'm too tired (pregnant or up with a baby), I go to sleep earlier and dh stays up with them.

amother

Tan

Wed, Apr 17 2024, 8:31 pm

It's so interesting. I never felt that Maggid was really crazy long. Growing up, we went around the table and took turns reading. My father only said The really important things. We also did a lot of singing. My husband's family on the other hand everyone reads it to themselves and the one time I was there it was so hard for me. Now we do our own, and we do it as my parents do it where everyone takes a turn reading. It's really nice to hear the kids reading and trying to explain what it's saying and it really does not make it feel like it's very long at all.