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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

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amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:00 am

Trying to help: I have a brother who changed his level of observance years ago and is looking to relocate from Boro park to another Jewish community. He's very proud to be Jewish and wants to be part of a welcoming community that's not intense about exact levels of observance. Does this make sense? I'm having trouble wording it but seems to me maybe some modern Orthodox communities would be right for him. Any recommendations of where he could go?

amother

Daphne

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:11 am

Teaneck

amother

Khaki

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:11 am

silver spring

amother

White

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:12 am

Can you please be more specific?
Modern orthodox is not the same as more chilled in observance than parents.

mha3484

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:12 am

Does he want to stay in the NY area?

cnc

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:13 am

Also, will he be able to integrate properly? Or will he feel out of place? If it's the latter, he can consider a mixed community such as Elizabeth, Staten Island etc...

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:14 am

He prefers not the tri state area actually. I'm not so familiar with levels of modern Orthodox so I'm having trouble knowing if it's right for him. He doesn't keep much, would keep basic halachos if he had a reason to. Like if he met a girl who wanted it. Very sure only wants to marry a Jewish girl.

amother

Dandelion

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:15 am

Project Makom does this

amother

Oxfordblue

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:16 am

West Hempstead.
We have many Brooklyn refugees here and Jews from all walks of life.
It's what makes WH such a special place to live.

amother

Cognac

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:20 am

Like, what does "basic halachos" mean to him? Because some MO communities are very careful about covering hair, and others basically no one covers. In some men obviously wear tzitzis, in others you barely see tzitzis. Does he want to be "kids wear all sorts of kippot" or "who cares if kids wear kippot"? Older girls wear dresses, or girls wear leggings and tank tops?

MO really ranges from "basically the same as frum" to "basically the same as Conservative".

amother

Electricblue

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:20 am

West Orange NJ has a large MO community.
Many women do not cover their hair and wear pants, but keep shabbos, yomim tovim, kashrus and TH.

Maybe that's an option for him.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:32 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Thanks for clarifying. He doesn't cover his head or wear tzitzis. He wears a cap when goes to visit my grandparents out of respect. He doesn't keep shabbos now but by basic I meant he would do some form of kashrus, taharas hamishpacha and shabbos type.

amother

Plum

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:37 am

Silver Spring, MD - kemp mill specifically

All types here ranging from yeshivish to m.o., very warm and welcoming place, totally non-judgmental

DrMom

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:40 am

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn't describe someone who doesn't keep Shabbat or kashrut as Orthodox (Modern or otherwise), but he certainly wouldn't be shunned in a MO community.

singleagain

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:52 am

DrMom wrote:

I wouldn't describe someone who doesn't keep Shabbat or kashrut as Orthodox (Modern or otherwise), but he certainly wouldn't be shunned in a MO community.

Agreed with this.

Also, as an aside... OP you wrote "He doesn't keep much, would keep basic halachos if he had a reason to. Like if he met a girl who wanted it. Very sure only wants to marry a Jewish girl"

As a Jewish girl looking for a husband... I would be cautious about someone who decided to live his life based on what I wanted. Instead of living his life as he wants, and then meeting someone on his majority wavelength, and then compromising as any couple should.

I know I would feel really not good if I knew my husband was only being religious bc I wanted him to be... It's one reason I backed off in one case

mha3484

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:53 am

If I were him, Id ditch the winter and blue state stuff and move to Florida.

essie14

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:17 am

He's not modern orthodox if he doesn't keep shabbat. He's lapsed orthodox. That being said, any MO community will welcome him as he is.
Jacksonville
Boca
Miami
Hollywood
Teaneck
W orange
Springfield
Elizabeth

Etc etc

amother

Springgreen

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:57 am

So nice that you want to help your brother.
Any MO community will welcome people who want to belong, as Essie said above. A community is made up of people who live in a location, who support and depend on each other. These people who all of whom have individual characteristics, strengths, flaws, and room for growth.

That being said, you really have no idea what being MO means, to the point of it being quite offensive. MO means believing in Hashem, the 13 Ikkarim, and following the Torah. It means also doing that while living in a modern world, learning science/math/technology/history/art, all gifts and knowledge from Hashem and acknowledging it as such. It means interacting with non-Jews and being an Or La’non jews. It means understanding that the world around us changes and we are not stagnant, we change along with it and do so within the confines of Torah, as the Torah is eternal and accounts for that. Maybe being MO means that you have a better acceptance of 70 Panim l’Torah. That there are valid interpretations which allow for things different from how I do something. What I do, what everyone I consider MO does, is either as per a valid Halachic opinion of my Rav (or a prior Rav who told me something at some point which I continue to follow) or a person failing/an area where I know I have room for growth. Life is not so black and white. I don’t think it is for me or for other. It also helps that I believe in an Av Harachamim who looks out for my success, rather than a G-d who is looking to strike and see my flaws.

Reality

Thu, May 02 2024, 2:16 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Excuse me? Your last sentence is rude, rude, rude.

There are large segments of MO people who are "frummer" then large segments of the black and white crowd. There, I said the quiet out loud.

amother

SandyBrown

Thu, May 02 2024, 2:24 am

Reality wrote:

Excuse me? Your last sentence is rude, rude, rude.

There are large segments of MO people who are "frummer" then large segments of the black and white crowd. There, I said the quiet out loud.

Large segments are frummer? Curious in what areas they are frummer. And who are these large segments. The quiet part out loud? This is some sort of secret? This got very dramatic. Would love to have this backed up with facts.

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