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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:00 pm

My son is 14. He is in a very small yeshiva where they have a lot of freedom to go off grounds during lunch.
There is a boy that has a shadow there. The shadow is single in his 20s nice guy. Lives by himself.
My son goes places with him during yeshiva time to run errands for the rosh hayashiva.

This guy called my son to ask if he wants to do something with him like maybe go to the mall together. I dont know if I am just being paranoid or not. He is a good guy but why does he want to hang out with a 14 yr old?
Would you say no and have your son be really mad with you or let them go?
Another friend is going also.

amother

Papaya

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:02 pm

You could call the yeshiva & ask info about the shadow. But it definitely sounds off.

octopus

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:04 pm

Will he be shadowing his student at the mall? Is it a way to facilitate a friendship between the boy who has a shadow and your son? If not, it's just weird.

Cheiny

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

You should absolutely not allow him to hang out with this man. He has no business befriending young teens outside of his job. Your concerns are justified.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:09 pm

Cant reach the rosh.
The guy is not shadowing the boy now.
This guy and my son are friends during yeshiva time. They are always talking to each other and go out to get snacks during lunch break

amother

Hosta

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:11 pm

When I was in my early 20s I would occasionally hang out with my neighbor who was in her early teens, but we were GIRLS. Men are naturally more predatory than women are.

giftedmom

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

Cant reach the rosh.
The guy is not shadowing the boy now.
This guy and my son are friends during yeshiva time. They are always talking to each other and go out to get snacks during lunch break

Red flag red flag red flag
It’s not about unsafe people but unsafe behavior. And this sort of age difference is unsafe.

mha3484

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:13 pm

I think the age differential is problematic no matter the gender. A 20 year old should have little in common with a 14 year old and I would be very wary. If the rosh yeshiva has vouched for him and he does errands for the yeshiva together that doesnt concern me as much but I would not want my son just stam hanging out with someone that much older without structure.

Last edited by mha3484 on Thu, May 02 2024, 1:15 pm; edited 1 time in total

giftedmom

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:14 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

When I was in my early 20s I would occasionally hang out with my neighbor who was in her early teens, but we were GIRLS. Men are naturally more predatory than women are.

I wouldn’t allow it in girls either but yes with boys it’s even more concerning

Ruchel

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:16 pm

So I'm not saying to allow it. Just that it sounds like big brother program.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:22 pm

So I asked my son and this guy is family friends with another boy that will be there also.
The guy spent Pesach with the family.

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