In a bad rut | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Mon, May 06 2024, 8:04 pm

Pesach was great. We went away to cousins where my kids played all day. They have a pool and my kids swam and played sports with their cousins all day. No fighting. We came home and boom. Fighting none stop. Chutzpah. Wildness. Kvetching. Today they barge in the house after school wanting snacks. I explained only healthy snacks but no, one wanted a nosh snack. Then they began poking each other. Then they were hyper while the others were trying to do homework. We had a special occasion and had planned in advanced to take them to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. Before we left I reminded them they’ll need to speak in soft voices. One kid was so rude about that and continued to be rude and moody at the restaurant. In the restaurant they began telling poop jokes. What a waste of money- I am not taking them to a fancy restaurant again so fast! (It was dh’s idea…)
Then one starting getting loud and wild so I left with that dc while we waited for the rest of the family to finish their meals and of course that dc was kvetching they want to go home.
And I get home, annoying neighbors are outside playing until 9 PM, my house is a mess, I feel like such a failure as a parent human and homemaker.
How do I get out of this right
I am not quite sure
I feel so resentful of my kids. They are such a handful. All afternoon after school it’s going to be kvetching fighting chutzpah and wildness.

amother

Tan

Mon, May 06 2024, 8:07 pm

Your kids sound like normal kids. If they have a lot of energy when they come home pack up snacks and take them to the park...I did this for years with my kids. Yes it was tiring as I worked till I picked them up but it was better than dealing with fighting. Taking them to a fancy restaurant and expecting them to behave is a bit unrealistic.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, May 06 2024, 8:13 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

No advice. But you are absolutely not a failure because you had one rough afternoon. The fact that you care shows that you’re a good mom. Keep up the effort and be kind to yourself. You got this mama!

It’s a series of bad days

Thursday was bad
Friday was ok
Shabbos was bad
Sunday was ok
Today was bad

That’s 3/5

The park would be so hard. It’s hot, I need to cook dinner… and they’re not even interested. When I suggest it they never want to go

We did get a basketball hoop that should arrive this week maybe that will help

amother

Iris

Mon, May 06 2024, 8:15 pm

OP, think about what made Pesach work:

- lots of physical activity (swimming, sports)
- fresh air
- plenty of peers to play with
- freedom to be loud (outdoor play)

Can you replicate some of that at home? Parks, outdoor playdates, and/or some fun outdoor toys in your yard if you have one?

A fancy restaurant, with none of those advantages, would seem to be a poor choice for children who thrive in a lively, active environment.

I also imagine that on Pesach, the food situation was more fixed. There was probably limited nosh, and they didn't ask for it because it wasn't available. Can you try making a menu if they do better without too much freedom in this department at this point?

You don't need to feel like a failure. It might be easier if your kids were happy to play quietly in the living room and had the decorum for elegant restaurants, but a significant number of very typical children just don't do well with that. If you adjust your expectations, you will probably enjoy your kids much more.

Try getting a babysitter to take your kids to the park while you and DH eat out at a fancy place. Then come home and order them in pizza.

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, May 06 2024, 8:17 pm

I feel like this time of the year, especially on the days immediately following yom tov, the kids are so edgy & grouchy & acting up. I think that they've just had enough of school & winter. Spring fever is real. It doesn't reflect badly on you as a parent.
We spend as much time as possible outside, we got some new outdoor toys & are getting a trampoline ih.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, May 06 2024, 8:21 pm

amother Iris wrote:

Your last line made me smile Wink

Friends: in school they have friends but at home they never want to initiate with neighbors and the neighbors don’t come by most days. My oldest actually has no neighborhood friends (plenty of school friends bH but they only want to do play dates on Sundays)

They don’t want to be outside much. I try to encourage it but they literally tell me we want to stay inside and fight

We have a swing set. They have bikes and scooters. They’re not interested in any of it. A trampoline sounds nice but a big liability and hazard.