Self destructive thread

amother

Wed, May 15 2024, 6:40 pm

I'm in a bad mood and I just really want to punish myself so I'm going to self destruct by posting all the awful things I do as a parent. Are they so awful? I'm not sure. Sometimes I think I am seriously neglectful. Other times I think that every family is just different.

Here goes:
1. I don't make my kids shower or bathe more than once a week. Even that I don't force so sometimes it's once in two weeks.

2. I don't make my kids brush their teeth. I do remind them often but they don't like to.

3. I don't make supper. We have lots of food and often I can rewarm leftovers and have frozen food and food in the fridge and pantry but I did make a proper supper and we don't all sit down together to eat

4. The last time I took my kids to the dentist I think was over a year ago or about a year ago

5. I don't always brush my girls hair

I think that's it. Obviously I am not coping like I should be. I do want to be better at all these things. I feel bad about it.

So, am I an awful mother?

amother

Milk

Wed, May 15 2024, 6:44 pm

You’re not awful. You’re trying your hardest. That said, what kind of help do you think you need to manage a bit better? You and your kids deserve better!

amother

Wed, May 15 2024, 6:48 pm

amother Milk wrote:

You’re not awful. You’re trying your hardest. That said, what kind of help do you think you need to manage a bit better? You and your kids deserve better!

I wish I knew. I'm in therapy. I am trying my best. I just started with someone new. My old therapist wasn't great at problem solving and parenting in general so I'm hoping this new one may help with some stuff, although there are other bigger issues to bring up first.

My life is complex and I struggle with lots of things.

amother

Wed, May 15 2024, 6:49 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

You’re not awful! Not by any means.
You can still raise mentchen even if these things don’t happen.

I'm happy to hear! I I work very hard on all the other things, like playing with them and listening to them and doing homework with them etc..

amother

Cerulean

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:30 pm

Honestly I only brush their teeth bec otherwise they get cavities quickly and then it’s expensive Wink

Do you have a dh who can help? How old is the oldest- can anyone help you brush your dd’s hair?

amother

Cerulean

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm happy to hear! I I work very hard on all the other things, like playing with them and listening to them and doing homework with them etc..

You deserve an award for this Smile

these things are just as important.

amother

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:31 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

Honestly I only brush their teeth bec otherwise they get cavities quickly and then it’s expensive Wink

Do you have a dh who can help? How old is the oldest- can anyone help you brush your dd’s hair?

My husband is less functional than me

amother

Milk

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why Is everyone being so nice? 😞

Because most of us are nice caring people! Unfortunately on some threads the nasty ones take over. But most of us care!

amother

Springgreen

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:32 pm

I don't cook a real supper. We have frozen stuff or sandwiches and eggs. I don't really push the brushing teeth it's too much of a battle, as my kids got older the dentist explained that they will regret the cavities and they started being on top of it on their own. But there were years we didn't go because it's hard being on top of so much. Bathing is the worst, kills the night, but I do make them bathe 3 times a week and that feels like a lot to me. I never brush dry hair because it ruins it so I only brush it after their bath 3 times a week, I think they look fine.

My kids are doing well according to their teachers and the compliments I get. So it can't be all that bad.

amother

Cadetblue

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:34 pm

How many kids do you have? Do you work? You seem like you're not coping. Maybe ask your husband to help with bathtime . Leftovers is OK as long as kids don't go hungry

amother

Wheat

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why Is everyone being so nice? 😞

Maybe because you'd be surprised by how many of us have been in your shoes.

Maybe because it's bad enough that you are bullying yourself.

I believe you are doing your best, even if you don't believe it.

amother

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:40 pm

amother Wheat wrote:

Thank you. That is kind of you.

amother

Sage

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:45 pm

You're aware, and you're taking steps to improve. That's HUGE! People who are trying to do better should not beat themselves up for not being at the finish line yet.

amother

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:51 pm

amother Sage wrote:

You're aware, and you're taking steps to improve. That's HUGE! People who are trying to do better should not beat themselves up for not being at the finish line yet.

I'm very depressed right now. I really did want ppl to beat up on me. It would match my mood better.

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm very depressed right now. I really did want ppl to beat up on me. It would match my mood better.

Why do u want to feel worse? I dont think you are doing so bad. The only thing on your list that I would focus on improving is making sure they bathe twice a week but even that, cant they just sit in some soapy water for a bit? It doesnt have to be a full scrubdown.

I only wash the kids hair once a week.