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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Going to simcha if not feeling well



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 3:44 pm
Under the weather, or pregnant and nauseauous and tired…
What are the rules
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hodeez




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 3:45 pm
Go if you will be missed, unless you're contagious
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amother
Grape


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 3:51 pm
There are no rules. If you're up to it you can go wish mazal tov stay a little bit and leave. If not, it's ok. Maybe just don't dance or give the ba'al simcha a hug. Feel good
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patzer




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 4:34 pm
If you have a cold, or something that you know for sure isn't contagious, it's really up to you. Are you up to pushing yourself a bit? How much will you be missed if you stay home?
If you may be contagious: sorry, but it really isn't up to you. Be considerate of others and stay home.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 4:55 pm
DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM COVID? IF YOU DON'T FEEL WELL, STAY HOME.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 5:03 pm
Ok let’s go with pregnant. So not contagious. Morning sickness in the morning, constipation, tiredness…

Baalas simcha is an acquaintance, you live nearby but not a friend. You could still go to the Shabbos simcha ie Sheva brachos or kiddush

Balaas simcha would notice if you went but not sure how much it would matter to her. She’d prob notice if you didn’t go.
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amother
Bluebonnet


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 5:06 pm
amother OP wrote:
Ok let’s go with pregnant. So not contagious. Morning sickness in the morning, constipation, tiredness…

Baalas simcha is an acquaintance, you live nearby but not a friend. You could still go to the Shabbos simcha ie Sheva brachos or kiddush

Balaas simcha would notice if you went but not sure how much it would matter to her. She’d prob notice if you didn’t go.


Skip and apologize next time you see her, or make it to the kiddush/sb if possible.
I was invited to a Kiddush and "dessert reception" for a bar mitzvah. As not a good friend, I think showing your face at one is enough.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 5:10 pm
amother Bluebonnet wrote:
Skip and apologize next time you see her, or make it to the kiddush/sb if possible.
I was invited to a Kiddush and "dessert reception" for a bar mitzvah. As not a good friend, I think showing your face at one is enough.


Thank you Smile
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 6:05 pm
Not a question for OP as I am not looking to pressure her as we don’t know how she is feeling or coping. This question is in the hypothetical.

Do people not pay per guest?
I am B”H making a wedding and I am paying per person. Haven’t picked my venue/caterer yet, but I’m looking at almost $170 per person, as I am really not finding anything for less than that, trust me, I am looking and that is why I have not booked yet. (This is the guest cost- nothing to do with band/flowers/my makeup and gown and flowers should actually be factored in as how many tables defines how many centerpieces I am paying for).

If I say I am coming, barring the impossible, I am coming. And if I don’t think I will want to go or that it will be to difficult, I decline before they give the caterer numbers.

Is this just me? Should I expect to pay for a significant amount of people who just don’t show because they don’t feel like it?
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 6:07 pm
amother Khaki wrote:
Not a question for OP as I am not looking to pressure her as we don’t know how she is feeling or coping. This question is in the hypothetical.

Do people not pay per guest?
I am B”H making a wedding and I am paying per person. Haven’t picked my venue/caterer yet, but I’m looking at almost $200 per person. (This is the guest coat-nothing to do with band/flowers/my makeup and gown).

If I say I am coming, barring the impossible, I am coming. And if I don’t think I will want to go or that it will be to difficult, I decline before they give the caterer numbers.

Is this just me? Should I expect to pay for a significant amount of people who just don’t show because they don’t feel like it?


The general rule is to expect 10% no show
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 6:08 pm
amother Khaki wrote:
Not a question for OP as I am not looking to pressure her as we don’t know how she is feeling or coping. This question is in the hypothetical.

Do people not pay per guest?
I am B”H making a wedding and I am paying per person. Haven’t picked my venue/caterer yet, but I’m looking at almost $200 per person. (This is the guest coat-nothing to do with band/flowers/my makeup and gown).

If I say I am coming, barring the impossible, I am coming. And if I don’t think I will want to go or that it will be to difficult, I decline before they give the caterer numbers.

Is this just me? Should I expect to pay for a significant amount of people who just don’t show because they don’t feel like it?


I was only planning to say Mazal tov and wrote on response card that I did not plan to attend the meal
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 6:09 pm
amother OP wrote:
I was only planning to say Mazal tov and wrote on response card that I did not plan to attend the meal


If that is what you indicated, I think you can completely not show up if you are not feeling up to it and you are so fine.
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amother
Lemonlime


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 6:15 pm
amother Khaki wrote:
Not a question for OP as I am not looking to pressure her as we don’t know how she is feeling or coping. This question is in the hypothetical.

Do people not pay per guest?
I am B”H making a wedding and I am paying per person. Haven’t picked my venue/caterer yet, but I’m looking at almost $170 per person, as I am really not finding anything for less than that, trust me, I am looking and that is why I have not booked yet. (This is the guest cost- nothing to do with band/flowers/my makeup and gown and flowers should actually be factored in as how many tables defines how many centerpieces I am paying for).

If I say I am coming, barring the impossible, I am coming. And if I don’t think I will want to go or that it will be to difficult, I decline before they give the caterer numbers.

Is this just me? Should I expect to pay for a significant amount of people who just don’t show because they don’t feel like it?

In my circles people get married in frum halls with prettty high minimums and pricing that’s way way cheaper than what you’re looking at. If you don’t have a huge family or a very big circle you need to invite it’s enough seats and you don’t have to worry so much about who is or isn’t coming because you’re paying for the seats either way.
But like OP I many times respond not to set a seat for me and that’s acceptable in my circles. I only commit to the meal for family and very close friends and those I would push myself for.
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amother
Anemone


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 3:44 pm
Am I the only person who had a hard time coming up with enough people to satisfy the caterer's minimum number of guests? And I invited distant cousins I have nothing to do with.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 3:47 pm
amother Anemone wrote:
Am I the only person who had a hard time coming up with enough people to satisfy the caterer's minimum number of guests? And I invited distant cousins I have nothing to do with.


I might have that same issue bec I don’t have many friends who live local but that’s my problem not anyone else’s problem.
I don’t have such a big family on either side either.
Maybe I’ll decide to do something interesting and different than the usual with a smaller crowd.
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B'Syata D'Shmya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 4:02 pm
amother OP wrote:
Ok let’s go with pregnant. So not contagious. Morning sickness in the morning, constipation, tiredness…

Baalas simcha is an acquaintance, you live nearby but not a friend. You could still go to the Shabbos simcha ie Sheva brachos or kiddush

Balaas simcha would notice if you went but not sure how much it would matter to her. She’d prob notice if you didn’t go.


If you can go for a super short Mazal Tov and explain that you arent up to dancing, then do it.
If you can't , dont go and send a token gift with a nice bracha.
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