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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries
Loan for bar Mitzva
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:35 pm
I need like 20,000 for everything for my sons bar Mitzva. Anyone know where I can get a loan any gmach or simcha loan?
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amother
Oleander


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:37 pm
I don’t know, but what about opening a cc with an introductory rate of 0% for the first year or so?
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amother
Hawthorn


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:38 pm
There was just a thread about how plenty of people made bar mitzvah for 10k. Please don't go into debt to go overboard.
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justforfun87




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:43 pm
Clearly you can't afford a 20k Bar mitzvah. Make cuts where you can.
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Bethany85




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:44 pm
This thread makes me sad. No judgment though.
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amother
Cappuccino


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:47 pm
Following. I have no income and need to pay my mortgage, utilities and food, I’d love an interest free loan..
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:50 pm
I live in Lakewood and my son's bar mitzvas cost around $10,000. Feel free to ask me for details.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:52 pm
We made a bar mitzvah within the last three years. Grandparents split the tfillin (which cost $800). All together after the tfillin the entire thing cost about $6000.

Our list:

Tefillin
Tefillin bag
For my son: Two hats,
2 shirts,
1 pants
Davening jacket
shabbos shoes

Hall/food was one package.
Musician (one man band)
Photographer

Benchers

Dress for me
Dresses for my girls

Bekeshe and hat for my husband

Kiddush in shul
Bar Mitzva lessons for leining and haftora $25
a lesson for no idea how many lessons.

DONUTS for the class in school

I did my own makeup and hair. Girls did their own hair and makeup. No manicures.

No decorations, no centerpieces. No extras. It was beautiful because a simcha is beautiful.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:54 pm
amother Brunette wrote:
I live in Lakewood and my son's bar mitzvas cost around $10,000. Feel free to ask me for details.



How?
Can u break it down for me?
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amother
Dimgray


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 1:55 pm
Not to be mean, but you are forgetting to budget! There are things you can definitely take off your list. Ask if you are interested in hearing.....
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amother
SandyBrown


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:00 pm
amother OP wrote:
I started adding it up and definitely more than 10,000:

Tefillin
Tefillin bag
For my son: Two hats, suit , shirts pants
Davening jacket and weekday and shabbos shoes
Tie cufflinks
Caterer
Waiters
Mashgiach
Hall
Musician
Photographer
Invitations
Benchers
Dessert table for neighbors and cousins not invited to the dinner
Make up for me and high school girls
Hair styling for all my girls
Manicures
Dress for me
Dresses for my girls
Sheital for me
Suit and hat for my husband
Suits for little boys
New sheital me
Kiddush in shul
Bar Mitzva lessons for maftir and haftora $50 a lesson for 10 lessons
Party for the class in school
Ladies kiddush
(Flowers and tablecloths from gmach)
Shabbos meals in house for 20 people

What am I forgetting?

Our Bar Mitzvah is under 10K.
We DO NOT have the following:
Musician
Photographer
Bentchers
Professionally done make-up
Ladies kiddush
Invitations (it's done by email or text)
New sheitel
Shabbos meals
We take from the cheapest halls
Hair is done by a beginner that's cheap

OP, you need to learn to live within your means, and also try to save up for simchas from years before. Literally from when the kids are born. What's your plan for marrying off the kids ih?
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:05 pm
Hall:
You can use Simcha Caterers at Williams St. Shul for a fraction of the price of any other hall. Catch: the portion sizes are smaller.
Tefillin bag - we shopped around and ended up getting at the Chosson Center
Hats: we got one "good" hat and one cheaper hat from Kova
Music: Bassline Jr. - you get a boy around age 12, but they are very good
Photography: we shopped around and found someone just starting out
Sweet table: we didn't have one
Hair: my sil did it for free, but - my girls are little, so this might not work for you
Kids clothes: my boys didn't necessarily get new suits if they were still in good condition - and those who got new, it meant that they didn't need a new suit for the upcoming Yom Tov, so that's really part of Yom Tov expenses and not the bar mitzva
Sheitel - I just washed my regular Shabbos sheitel
Ladies kiddush - it wasn't really much different than the men's kiddush, but we did splurge on two nice cakes
Seuda - we hosted at our house. We also got some of the food from a gemach, so if you aren't that desperate, it will add to your expenses.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:06 pm
I would personally skip the new sheitel and that would save a lot.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:07 pm
Also, we did not get lessons, my son learned froma recording. And if he hadn't been capable of that, chances are my husband would have told him not to bother - he doesn't believe that boys should be pressured to lein, their learning is more important...
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:07 pm
I made a bar mitzvah for way under 10k my son has a winter birthday so he got new clothing but everyone else wore their suits from sukkos. No one got new clothing a few months later. I had a one man band who was cheap. No photographer, no makeup, kiddush was very simple because that's what our shul allows. I got a new sheital from a gemach because mine was in really really bad shape but if mine wasn't I would not have gotten a new one.

Our bo bayom is the class party and we did food that 7th grade boys like and it was a buffet in a small event space. I got decor and tablecloths from a gemach. Desserts from a local bakery. No waiters, mashgiach fees etc. No benchers. If your having your friends and family for kiddush and your sons class for a class party you dont need to go all out for a week night event also.
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amother
DarkGreen


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:18 pm
Quote:
Tefillin
Tefillin bag
For my son: Two hats, suit , shirts pants
Davening jacket and weekday and shabbos shoes
Tie cufflinks
Caterer
Waiters
Mashgiach
Hall
Musician
Photographer
Invitations
Benchers
Dessert table for neighbors and cousins not invited to the dinner
Make up for me and high school girls
Hair styling for all my girls
Manicures
Dress for me
Dresses for my girls
Sheital for me
Suit and hat for my husband
Suits for little boys
New sheital me
Kiddush in shul
Bar Mitzva lessons for maftir and haftora $50 a lesson for 10 lessons
Party for the class in school
Ladies kiddush
(Flowers and tablecloths from gmach)
Shabbos meals in house for 20 people


Things you can cut:

If his weekday and shabbos shoes fit, he doesn't need new ones.
If your husbands suit and hat are presentable, he doesn't need new. Same with your younger boys.
I got my other boys new ties, but their suits were in perfect conditions.

I don't live in lakewood, but we only did a party for the class (immediate family (boy siblings, parents, grandparents) were invited, in school and nothing else for the bo bayom. So I didn't need a musician. I hired a photographer for an hour to take pictures erev shabbos.

We made a kiddush in shul on shabbos for neighbors, etc. Men and women (both in shul, but separate) all one cost. Nothing too fancy.

No manicures.

We got all the female clothing on shein. Mine was about $50, so I splurged and got another dress for myself for Fri night.

We did rent the shul simcha hall for the kiddush and they said it was ours for all of shabbos, so we ate the meals there. We did order food service to do all the meals (we were about 50 people, really only close relatives) and kiddush. It included food, set up, clean up, wait staff, paper goods, table clothes. That was probably our biggest expense, which I could have saved if I had the meals at home and cooked myself. But not sure I could fit 50 people in my house.

Only got a new shaitel for my oldest son's bar mitzvah as my old one desperately needed to be replaced. I just got it washed and set for my subsequent bar mitzvahs 2 and 7 years later. Same shaitel.
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amother
Oxfordblue


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:18 pm
You don't need a loan
You need to cut down your list
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amother
Steel


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:49 pm
If your doing a ladies Kiddush then no need to do a dessert table. You only need one either the dessert table or the ladies Kiddush
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amother
Hyssop


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:53 pm
I just made a bar mitzvah for about 12k. And it could have been less, there were certain items that we chose to pay for because we wanted to, but could have done without if we needed to cut back. And even so, 12 is less than the 20 you're talking about...

The bulk of the cost was food and was about 8k. Including the catered shabbos lunch with waitstaff/cleanup for 90 ppl, the mashgiach, and takeout for Friday night dinner for 15. The rest of the cost was photographer (1.5k, yes, we splurged, top notch photography is important to me. But you can definitely get decent photography for less) and tefillin plus other incidentals made up the rest (the tefilin bag was my parents' gift to the bar mitzvah bachur). You can do evites for very cheap or free, if you use a paid service, it's about $80 for 100 invites, which is basically nothing. You can get very cheap benchers if you go with the whole benching on what's basically a folded, laminated card instead of a book (the card style was 79 cents/bencher) and you don't need a bencher per guest, 4 benchers per table will do. You also don't need new clothes for the whole family, just the bar mitzvah boy. I did get myself a new dress (I wanted to get something nice and new for myself, and I spent about $200, but I could have skipped that if I really needed to). My other boys borrowed suits from a gemach, and my one and only girl is a toddler, so I just bought her something twirly and sparkly from Ali express for like $25.

I did get my makeup done because I don't know how to do it myself, but I used a high school student, not a sought-after professional, and I thought it looked good. I got a new sheital, but I'm not counting that as bar mitzvah expenses because my old sheital was on its last legs and I was anyway in the market for a new one. I would have gotten one around now regardless. And iyh in 18 months when I make the next bar mitzvah, I will NOT be getting a new sheital because this one will still be perfectly fine. I imagine I will pay someone to style it, but that's not a huge expense. The hall was our shul, and since we're members, they only charged us 150 (it's a lot more for non members). Bo bayom was literally donuts for his class after davening that morning, I admit I splurged on fancy donuts. Came out to about $60.

As I said, we did it for about 12, and that was including several things that were splurges we chose, without which we could have easily trimmed another 2-3k. You can do this. And you can even do it by not cutting things you want entirely but doing them for cheaper.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 2:54 pm
amother SandyBrown wrote:
Our Bar Mitzvah is under 10K.
We DO NOT have the following:
Musician
Photographer
Bentchers
Professionally done make-up
Ladies kiddush
Invitations (it's done by email or text)
New sheitel
Shabbos meals
We take from the cheapest halls
Hair is done by a beginner that's cheap

OP, you need to learn to live within your means, and also try to save up for simchas from years before. Literally from when the kids are born. What's your plan for marrying off the kids ih?


Thank you this is very helpful
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