Pathchy hentalach (different version?) pls help

amother

Mon, May 27 2024, 11:53 pm

We had a middle aged woman as a guest over shabbas and she kept playing patchy hentalach with my newborn. But she said it differently

"patchy patchy henties, mommy koifen panties..."

Now my toddler is running around saying "mommy koifen panties" not realizing what he's saying

His teacher sent me a text saying he was saying a lot in school too.

I'm not sure what to do... Do I confront this woman and tell her she's not to sing this version anymore in my home? She comes often (she's divorced and lonely it seems). Confrontation (especially with people older than me) is very very hard...

Whatever I know this sounds so strange I just am frustrated because she crosses boundaries often. She gives my toddler candies when I ask her not to, and she criticizes me all the time too. Frustrating...

amother

Magnolia

Tue, May 28 2024, 12:21 am

Maybe teach your toddler a slightly different but more acceptable version of this woman's song, like "Patchy patchy henties, Mommy koifen candies."

Then the next time this woman comes, you can correct "panties" to "candies."

For added bonus, give her a candy to give him when she sings which might encourage her (and him) to sing that version...

amother

Hyssop

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:35 am

I never heard of that version!
Yes, tell her she can't sing that version in your house. To be honest it sounds a bit creepy.
The version I grew up with is patchy patchy hentelech, Mommy koift shichelach, faaaar ______ (kid's name).

amother

Magnolia

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:36 am

amother Hyssop wrote:

I learned, "Patchy patchy hentelach, Mommy koift shichelach, Tatty koift zekalach, a gezunt oif ______'s bekelach!"

(Clap, clap hands. Mommy buys shoes, Tatty buys socks, a kiss on ____'s cheeks!)

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:44 am

amother OP wrote:

Nope, not a mitzvah to open your home to someone who doesn't respect you and your requests....yetzer hara sometime comes cloaked as yetzer tov....

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:45 am

amother Magnolia wrote:

What makes u think OP wants candies for her children? Read OP.

amother

Magnolia

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:47 am

OP may not want candies, but given a choice between my toddler getting an extra candy or walking around singing something that is considered inappropriate... I know what I'd choose. (Aside from the fact that this woman apparently gives candies without permission anyhow. If you can't beat 'em...)

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, May 28 2024, 2:45 am

amother Magnolia wrote:

Your comfortable with this woman around ur children? Read OPs whole post.

amother

Magnolia

Tue, May 28 2024, 2:49 am

I might not be comfortable with such a woman, but based on OP's post it is a tremendous chesed to invite her to her home.

OP does need to do a better job of making boundaries, but as of right now it sounds like she is distressing but not dangerous.

Chesed is not always tremendously pleasant and easy, and often the people most in need of it are the ones who are least likeable and enjoyable to have around.

If OP is concerned that her guest has crossed the boundaries between tolerable and unacceptable, she should ask a Rav. But assuming that this is not the case, I would commend OP for her tremendous chesed and encourage her to continue. Not everyone would have invited this woman at all, and OP is allowing her to return even though she is not thrilled with her company. That's something praiseworthy and will bring bracha for her entire family!

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, May 28 2024, 3:17 am

amother Magnolia wrote:

Hosting is praiseworthy but not If she is harming her childrens chinuch by this guest who refuses to adapt to hosts requests.
Guests criticizing, giving unwanted gifts and teaching cringeworthy lyrics....and worse, not respecting boundaries, I would ask a shaylah if this is ok.
Our children and home are not korbanos to this woman's need.

If the woman was willing to respect boundaries then of course it would be a different story.

Tzutzie

Tue, May 28 2024, 4:17 am

I wonder if there's a way to uphold your boundaries in a pleasant, direct and no-non-sense way.

You say you do not like confrontation. But stating your boundaries aren't confrontation.
"I understand you've been singing this song this way for some tune. But in this house we arw careful with what we like teaching children. This version is inappropriate for a toddler. Let's keep it traditional." Over and over and over.

Btw, we sing it "patchy patchy hentalach. Mammy koifen sheechalach. Shtrimpalach tatty koifen. In ______ vet in school/cheder aran loifen!!!
Mammy/tattys role of buying sheechalach are interchangeable. 😆

We usually sing it when baby is gassy or constipated and we make the running motion with their tiny legs....

Ok now I have baby fever!

amother

Azure

Tue, May 28 2024, 4:35 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

This woman needs the chesed. A pleasanter guest does not. There is nothing here that is dangerous or would make her kids a korban. Any issues that affect the kids here can be resolved by chinuch
By all means ask a shaylah. But boundaries and kids being korbonos many times are used as an excuse. There is nothing wrong with stretching yourself and showing your kids what chessed really is. And if it's at the risk of a few extra candies, it's not the end of the world. About the song, I doubt she's doing it on purpose. Just say something gentle like we sing the song this way .....

amother

Butterscotch

Tue, May 28 2024, 4:37 am

It’s so nice that you invite her. She sounds lonely and you’re doing a tremendous Mitzvah. Perhaps you can explain to her in a nice way the next time she starts singing it- that your toddler is now singing it in school and the school has a problem with that word and could she change it to another word… like this you’re not being confrontational. You’re being truthful while also seemingly saying it’s the school’s preference which might be easier for you than saying it’s yours…

Do you think she would respect that?

I grew up with it being tatty koifen shichelech, mommy koifen zukelech in ——- gayt loifen…

Cute to see everyone else’s version. Can’t imagine where she picked up hers… I’m assuming she heard it wrong or it was for potty training purposes?…