DD11 is destroying me

amother

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 3:58 pm

I know that sounds extreme
but she is so mean and disrespectful
every word that comes out of her mouth is full of mockery
she is mean to her siblings
she is a bully to me
I try to step away when I feel that I'm dysregulated but she follows me and insists that I talk to her, insists that I say certain things, make promises etc. etc.
She doesn't respect that I need my space so that I can calm down
She will go on for hours and hours

I'm so lost and sad and angry.

amother

Almond

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 4:00 pm

Meds , meds & more meds
And the right meds .
Keep on the meds journey till you get it right & don’t give up .

amother

Marigold

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 4:01 pm

Omg could have written this word for word.

My daughter is 12.
Consequences dont work.
Shel apologise all the time but then shel start asking me why she gets a punushment and have a fit about what it is.

Im really not coping.

Mamushka

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 4:59 pm

Therapy! Therapy! Therapy!
Therapy for you so you can survive.
Therapy to get guidance in parenting a difficult child.
Therapy for your child

mha3484

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 5:17 pm

How is her life outside of the home? Does he have friends? Does she do well in school? Is she a happy person? Behavior is communication and she's clearly trying to express something to you the question is what.

The book the explosive child is very helpful for kids like this. Www.livesinthebalance.org is a good resource if you dont want to buy the book the parent section is really helpful.

amother

Oak

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 5:40 pm

If you're interested in biomedical/alternative treatments to help regulate her nervous system, I can share some ideas.

amother

Iris

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 6:31 pm

amother Almond wrote:

Meds , meds & more meds
And the right meds .
Keep on the meds journey till you get it right & don’t give up .

Or set bounded, love, love love.
Help her develop talent and hobbies. Give of yourseld emotional physically monetary and time.
Take personally time, exercise free brain and let put pent up energy

#BestBubby

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 6:38 pm

The consequences of modern parenting.

Pre schoolers must know very, very, very well
That they must be very respectful to parents.

And can't be mean to siblings.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 6:43 pm

One idea that might help a little:
Dr Becky said to imagine a glass wall in between the two of you.
So if she is dysregulated, the wall is in between so you don’t have to receive all her emotions.

amother

Calendula

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 7:47 pm

Dd was that way. I regret that I let her bully especially one ds. Otherwise I only suggest to not reply and let her talk. Therapy is good if she agrees separate her from siblings and give the siblings support

amother

Oxfordblue

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 7:57 pm

[quote="amother Broom"]Does she feel loved?
I agree with therapy and also sod haadam[/quote

Yes sod haadom!!

amother

Emerald

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 8:32 pm

I have a kid like that. Not sure why it took us so long to start therapy for my child and me. My kids therapist encouraged us to view our child as having special needs and that’s been very helpful for me. Also therapist strongly encouraged meds which has been less helpful bec my child has reacted to every one that we’ve tried. I guess it’s a work in progress. Having therapy for both me and child has been life changing because I have support and guidance. It’s not all on me anymore

amother

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 8:52 pm

amother Oak wrote:

If you're interested in biomedical/alternative treatments to help regulate her nervous system, I can share some ideas.

yes please
thank you all
I feel suicidal from hours of my days and nights spent this way
I cannot be a normal parent because of her
my home has become so dysfunctional
I end up losing myself every time
I am ashamed
I have no motivation to go on

amother

Oak

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 8:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is a list of different potential root causes and/or treatments you can do. Let me know if anything piques your interest and I can say more.

Homeopathy
Supplements
Herbs
Craniosacral therapy
Airway orthodontics (is she a mouth breather??)
Treating brain inflammation
Diet
Gut health
Thyroid
Adrenal fatigue?
Magnesium and mineral balancing
Lyme and coinfections
Mold

Would you like to read some books?

amother

Blushpink

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:50 am

Does she have a diagnosis? Bc it sounds like she's got an underlying issue, such as DMDD, ODD, maybe ASD, maybe anxiety....there are quite a few options....best to take her to a professional who can diagnose her accurately so that you can start the appropriate medications and get her the appropriate therapies. And then you'll also be able to find parenting classes geared towards parents of kids with her issues. Because normal parenting classes won't necessarily help you deal with her.

BTW I have a chassan for her. Two years older than she is, and your daughter sounds exactly like him. Let me know in seven years if you're interested in a shidduch. Hiding

amother

Blushpink

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:52 am

amother OP wrote:

But you've got other kids. Who are suffering enough from their sister, they don't need to lose their mother because of their sister as well.