Is this something to tell host in advance?

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:25 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Good hosts ask in advance - allergies, food preferences, anything we need to know to make this a great meal for you?

I do ask about allergies and sensitivities and usually I ask if there is anything special I should know... and I'm happy to adapt my menu for a vegan or someone off carbs as best I can. But just like we want to be a good hostess, guests need to want to be good guests. Rattling off a long list of items off limits, when it isn't medical, is being a pain in the rear quite frankly. I wouldn't do that to someone.

WhatFor

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:38 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Everyone thinks they eat healthy and there are so many levels.

Personally we eat exclusively healthy, if we eat out, we have healthy food prepared at home as well. We stick to the hosts healthy food (there is always a salad!!) so our plates look used. If the host presses, we then say, everything looks amazing (maybe take a bite to be polite or try to insist) we are sooo full!!!"

I should start a spin-off about hosts that insist you try everything and keep track of whats on your plate.. That I hate.

The point of eating together is the company, the food is just a great excuse.

ETA- its impolite to bring a salad and only eat the salad you brought. Its like saying, I dont eat your food. At least put some on your plate and nibble or whatever.

Of course no one should be pressuring anyone to eat food. At the same time, I think if you know for sure that your whole family won't touch certain mainstream foods, it's only proper to let a host know.

Believe me, I get that it can feel uncomfortable and maybe entitled or demanding to let a guest know that you won't eat certain foods. But from a host's perspective, most people would prefer not to waste time, effort, and money to prepare food for a guest that the guest won't even touch. I can't imagine prepping an entire multiple course meal and a whole family comes and only eats salad. That's not really proper, if that was your intention all along.

Rappel

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:10 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Good hosts ask in advance - allergies, food preferences, anything we need to know to make this a great meal for you?

I guess I'm a good host then.

Even so, often people conceal their food preferences even when asked, because they're embarrassed that it's "not a real medical issue."

It's a shame: my menu is flexible, and I want everyone to be satisfied.

Usually I can convince them that I really do want to know what they like, but we usually get surprises just the same.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:53 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

You are right.

amother

Bellflower

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:48 am

My husband has strange healthy eating habits and we have dealt with this scenario many times.

Like most things, the answer to this question is....it depends.

There are some cases where I wouldn't say anything at all. My husband might or might not eat anything, and we'll have backup for when we get home.

Other times I know the hostess will want to have something for him, so I'll give a vague explanation as to what he eats, and something usually goes right.

There have been one or two times where I told the hostess exactly what he can't eat...it's a megilla. It's easier to tell her the four things he does eat Smile

In those cases, she was so thrilled to be able to make things he would eat. And she did.

amother

Phlox

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 4:14 am

When I have guests I work really hard making lots of extra food. I make things that I know how to make well and have gotten compliments on in the past. I also make a lot of different things so there’s variety since everyone likes something different.
I really work hard so it should be enjoyable for the guests.
It’s so hurtful to have a guest just sit there and not eat anything after I worked so hard to make it nice.
If you are just coming for the company please let me know that. I make so much extra when guests are coming. Even if it’s just 1 extra person. It’s hours and hours of extra work in the kitchen and I’m happy to do it thinking how much you will enjoy the food.

Ema of 5

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 7:11 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Good hosts ask in advance - allergies, food preferences, anything we need to know to make this a great meal for you?

Exactly. This is what I do when I invite people. I wan t to make sure that there are at least a few things that my company will eat, not just maybe one thing, if they are lucky. There are very few people who I would allow to bring food into my home- some for kashered reasons, some for sanitary reasons. In order to avoid insulting anyone, we generally don’t have people bring food with them. For me, it’s not a pressure to make sure I make things that my company can eat.

amother

DarkViolet

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 7:18 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

I agree and I have catered over the years to crazy long allergy lists. There are plenty of allergies in my family so I am not a stranger to allergy cooking, but 'I am very health conscious' sounds to me more like a fear of food and less like a direction.
Shavuos is knows to be a day of dairy so its safe to assume there will be cheeses on the table. When you say healthy do you mean grass fed milk cheese? No cheese? Any cheese less then 5% fat content? Yes to cheese but no to pastries? What about GF pastries? Salads without dressing? Dressings are fine?

amother

Steel

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 7:26 am

We usually make do. Except, host didn't like DH's diet. He was teasing him that DH is going to disappear and he kept spooning more and more potatoes onto DH's plate. DH just didn't touch them. (They are good friends. DH wasn't upset. And hostess already knows because they all asked DH how he started "disappearing")

In the meantime, us at the women/kid table all wanted more potatoes and there was no more. So I went over to my husband and got lots of potatoes and gave my kids that wanted. HEHE

watergirl

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 7:49 am

If my guest told me she is a health nut or health conscious and requested that I accommodate that preference (key being preference - not medical requirement), I would honestly be offended and take it as a slight, because it gives off an air of "I am assuming your menu is not healthy".

I would tell her what I plan to make and give her the option of coming or declining. I would not change my menu.

Tonight, I am making tilapia (olive oil, lemon, garlic, paprika), baked ziti (regular pasta, sauce, cottage cheese, mozzarella, spices), salad (just a garden salad, pareve), and quiche (regular pie crust, eggs, heavy cream, cheese, broccoli). Cheesecake for dessert. Is that healthy? No. Are there decent options? I think so. A guest can come or decline but I'm not changing my menu to accommodate a preference.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 9:03 am

amother DarkViolet wrote:

Please remember, as hard as it is to cater to them, its harder to have them. At the end of the meal you can go onto your normal eat-whatever-you-want diet. Those with crazy long lists of allergies have to be careful every day of their lives. The wrong food can kill them....

amother

Winterberry

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 11:21 am

I feel that allergy or celiac or even lactose intolerant is a reason to tell them in advace.

To tell them them your food preferences is not really ok. They may have already planned their menu, shopped and cooked. If you are health conscience you have a few choices. "Cheat" --doing it once won't be the end of the world. Or don't accept an invitation. Or say I am very particular on what I eat, I want to spend time with you, why don't I host. Or say, thanks for the invite, can I bring a dish. And make something you'd eat.

amother

Winterberry

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 11:33 am

I've had 2 situations which were awkward.

A relative has colitis and I didn't know. She asked to come for a meal (she lives out of town and was visiting my area), which I happily agreed. But she didn't tell me anything about her dietary restrictions. It turned out that other than the chicken soup, there was NOTHING for her to eat. BH I put a lot of vegetables in my soup and there was the chicken, so she wasn't going home starved. She was comfortable to look in my fridge and find something for herself. My kids have severe food allergies, so I understand this stuff -- I would have happily accommodated.

Someone called me thursday if I could host a single girl in the area. I agreed. Only late that night did she inform me that my guest has celiac and she'll bring her own challah and I shouldn't worry. My entire menu had flour in it. Every last thing (minus the chicken soup). I had to quickly change my menu. I tend not to serve salad Friday night. There was gluten free gefilta, chicken and kugel and even pareve ice cream for desert. But you could see on her face she was expecting a vegetable/salad too. But with last minute notice, it was hard to fully accommodate.

imaima

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 11:37 am

amother OP wrote:

I eat healthy, is that something a host needs to know in advance? I'm not off anything in particular but I try to eat as healthy as I can.
If I go to a meal that's just pastas cheesecakes and puff pastry types of things, I won't have much I would like to eat.
What do you think? What's the protocol as a guest? If I am supposed to say in advance how would I word it?

I usually eat in advance

imaima

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 11:39 am

amother Lightgray wrote:

IME you diet on your own time and in your own home. if you go to someone’s home it’s rude not to eat anything. I also think unless you’re asked in advance about your preferences, it’s rude to make an announcement like ‘I eat healthy’

Don’t agree
In this case rather tell the host I will just eat chicken ans salads, no starches. I think just a disclaimer with no expectations is fine

amother

Apple

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 11:41 am

amother Winterberry wrote:

I'm sorry, expecting? She had a ton of food to eat! She's a guest, guests don't get to expect things, they should just appreciate what the hosts did for them.

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

I reach out to my host let them know I’m on a very limited diet and what they are making and then I bring along what I need (for example sometimes I bring along chicken to make sure I have enough protein or fish if they make with sugar…)

I would be very upset if my guest didn’t tell me they preferred healthy food - I have no problem cooking extra just for them but I wld have a problem if I find out my guest was hungry or ate something they generally work very hard not to eat.
I always ask if they have anything specific they want and really appreciate when they are honest.
I did get insulted when someone brought along food cuz they had it in their fridge when I made it already and then mine went to the garbage