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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
amother
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 Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:44 pm
My family tends to give big gifts for every occasion. (New baby, move, bar/bat mitzvah, upsherin...) It's kh constant & it's getting really expensive. Whenever I bring up that maybe we should tone in down a bit or stop with the gifts altogether, (whoever wants can gift individually), I get told that I shouldn’t be so stingy and this is what family is.
But I'm just fed up with the constant gift giving. How do I put a stop to this?
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amother
Winterberry
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Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:06 pm
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amother
Daisy
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Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:11 pm
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Just stop taking part.. it will mean that you get nothing too.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:14 am
I also hate this gift giving not because of the money but because I think it’s stupid. I’ll buy what I want and you a buy what you want and that’s it.
Personally I would say oh I’m getting my own thing every time eventually they’ll get the hint and stop asking.
Also just an idea whenever splitting a gift with friends or family I say total is x amount how much do you want to pay (can be any amount less than splitting it evenly amount) either they say ex. $5 or say split. Then I subtract the $5 and split the rest evenly. Ex total is $200 from 6 people 1 person said $10 rest said split so I split $190 by 5 people
This way the receiver doesn’t think oh they gave me a cheap gift and no one feels pressured.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:25 am
| amother Daisy wrote: | | Just stop taking part.. it will mean that you get nothing too. |
Whenever I want to do that, I get called stingy and cheap.
I don't care not getting gifts. I just think that everyone should buy their own gift if they want to.
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amother
Blue
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:08 am
| amother Phlox wrote: | I also hate this gift giving not because of the money but because I think it’s stupid. I’ll buy what I want and you a buy what you want and that’s it.
Personally I would say oh I’m getting my own thing every time eventually they’ll get the hint and stop asking.
Also just an idea whenever splitting a gift with friends or family I say total is x amount how much do you want to pay (can be any amount less than splitting it evenly amount) either they say ex. $5 or say split. Then I subtract the $5 and split the rest evenly. Ex total is $200 from 6 people 1 person said $10 rest said split so I split $190 by 5 people
This way the receiver doesn’t think oh they gave me a cheap gift and no one feels pressured. |
Except that doesn’t work.
If you have. $150 gift and 5 people, 2 give $5, and one gives $10. That leave 2 people to split $130. I would be annoyed to have to spend $65, especially if it looked like I only spent $30
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Ruchel
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 4:29 am
Yeah
Ask them for experiences? Or a bank account?
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patzer
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 7:56 am
| amother OP wrote: | Whenever I want to do that, I get called stingy and cheap.
I don't care not getting gifts. I just think that everyone should buy their own gift if they want to. |
I would explain to them very firmly that this is what works for me.
If they get upset, that's their issue, not mine.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 7:57 am
| amother Blue wrote: | Except that doesn’t work.
If you have. $150 gift and 5 people, 2 give $5, and one gives $10. That leave 2 people to split $130. I would be annoyed to have to spend $65, especially if it looked like I only spent $30 |
You have to know your crowd. Most of my friends and family are happy to split evenly usually one or two people don’t want to.
Also if that’s the case I would get a cheaper gift which works for everyone. I wouldn’t force people to pay more than they’re comfortable with.
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amother
Ghostwhite
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 8:07 am
My family we send something to the vort, bar mitzvah gift, wedding gift and first baby gift.
My inlaws we send something to the vort, wedding gift and first baby.
My family recently started making a Sheva Brochos because my parents cant/don't want to... It's very expensive. Not everyone participates.
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