ASAP sleep training advice

Seraph

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 4:37 pm

if I'm teaching my 14 month old son to cry himself back to sleep when he wakes up (he wakes frequently during the night), do I let him cry himself back to sleep EVERY time during the course of the night, or do I nurse him at some point during the night? Bear in mind that until this point he has pretty much nursed around the clock, sometimes as frequently as every 30-45 minutes, as he would share a bed with me. is it right to one night not nurse him at all between 9 pm and 4, 5, 6 am?
need answer asap because I'm going to bed now/soon and want to know if I should get up for him or just let him cry it out the whole night...

btMOMtoFFBs

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 5:24 pm

if you go into him it will mean crying worked and he will start all over again the next time you leave him to fall asleep.

Also, if you know you gave him a solid dinner and nursed him before bedtime, its hard to imagine a 14 month old being hungry.

I imagine he nurses so often to soothe himself and not out of hunger.

Good luck. This will be hard. Give yourself a few days for it to work. Each day crying should be a little shorter. Don't give up. You're a good mom for helping him learn to get the sleep he needs and wants.

flowerpower

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 5:26 pm

I did crying it out for my child when she was 12 months old. She nursed only at night and nursed the whole night. I stopped nursing completely(my choice) and I was told first 2 weeks-about -just for bedtime, if he wakes up in the middle of the night then you can take him out if you want. I decided to do let her cio even in the middle of the night-since she is not hungry anyways and it's just out of habit and it worked out beautifully. She cried 2 hours the first week every night. I ignored her the rest of the night and she learnt not to wake up 19 times in 7 hours. Do not give in once you decide to let him cio or sleep train-he will learn to play around you-let him cry until he falls asleep-best is if you do not even go into the room and just every few minutes go to the door to show him that you are there.

btMOMtoFFBs

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 5:46 pm

seraph, I want to add on to what I originally wrote.

First, use seichel. If it seems like Uriel is crying so hard he will throw up or is hurting himself of course go into him. These are extreme cases but they do happen.

Also, if I remember the Dr. Farber book correctly, he recommends going in to soothe the child (patting and shushing, not picking up) at 5 minute intervals the first night, 10 minute intervals the second night and 15 minute intervals the third night.

It might work better if Abba went in to Uriel instead of you.

Again Hatzlacha. I'll be thinking about you tonight. Pls. post how it went in the morning.

gryp

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 7:35 pm

I just wanted to mimic btMOM: "Use seichel."
Come up with a plan that works for both you and your baby. Don't follow someone else's idea that supposedly are meant to fit every child out there.

If baby is not feeling well or something is bothering him, it is not a good time to sleep train. He needs you at this time.
If baby enjoys/is accustomed to nursing frequently, I'd say it's not fair to cut him off cold turkey.

The only time I think that CIO is okay is if you are 100% positive that baby is not: hungry, thirsty, sick, bothered by something real, scared, lonely, etc. Meaning he has absolutely no physical or emotional needs at that time.

I know he's driving you loco. You're probably wiped. All I can say is that if you could just "get through" and then you'll be able to look back at this stage and know you did the right thing.

Gam Zeh Ya'avor.

Seraph

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 4:14 am

Well, he went to sleep for the night at 8ish, woke up at 9:30ish, and I tried to nurse him back to sleep, but he wouldnt, so I put him in the crib and let him cry it out. he cried for a long time, but on and off, and its possible he fell asleep for 15-30 minute intervals somewhere in between there... but when at midnight he was still crying on and off, I brought him into bed, because I figured something was wrong or he would have fell asleep already...

aussiegal

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 4:22 am

When I decided to stop nursing my son at night, I instead took him into my bed (coz he was used to falling asleep nursing) and gave him a sippy cup with milk.. This way I knew he could drink if he was thirsty. He cried and protested , but I was very FIRM and absolutely made up with myself that I would not nurse him no matter what. The first few nights each time he woke up it took about an hour of his crying lying next to me, until he fell back asleep. After about 2 weeks he barely woke up at all until he was finally sleeping through the night. it was definitely just a comfort thing that he was used to.
Then came the ordeal of teaching him to fall asleep in his crib and not next to me in bed. But again, after about 1 weeks of being firm, and sitting next to his crib until he fell asleep, he learnt that I meant business!!!!!!!!

btMOMtoFFBs

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 6:32 am

Seraph, sorry you both had a tough night again. You know, maybe you just ought to train him in stages. First stage is going to sleep in crib. Second stage in staying in crib for the night.

You really want him to learn how to stay asleep in his crib before he can get out by himself at night. My neighbor's son was wandering through the house at night. Including taking food in the kitchen and making a mess. She had to lock him in his room anyway and he would CIO on the floor, b/c it wasn't safe for him anymore when he started getting out of the crib.

Come to think of it, this actually happened to two of my friends.

Good luck.

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 6:36 am

aussiegal wrote:

I gave my son a sippy cup with water (better for his teeth) at night and kept him in his crib since the goal is to get him to sleep through the night in his own space.

Seraph

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 7:19 am

what happens generally now is I put him to sleep in his crib (either cio or patting), and then when he wakes up either patting him back to sleep or nursing, and then when I go to sleep for the night, I take him into my bed the next time he wakes, and nurse him there...
he knows how to fall asleep in the crib, the issue here is going back to sleep...

montrealmommy

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 7:41 am

Maybe try to delay when you take him into your bed. IE . don't bring him in the 1st time, let him CIO and sleep a little more. This may only give you a 1/2 hour at first. We trained #1 and it took a solid 2 weeks (maybe a bit more even) and it is very tough to listen to your child cry. But at 14 mo. he is accustomed to eating on demand - he doens't nec. need to. He should be able to sleep at least 4-6 hours without needing nourishment.

Be consistent and hatzlacha -

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 7:56 am

Seraph wrote:

as I said, letting him cry himself back to sleep hasnt worked yet...

How long have you been trying this and is whatever you're doing consistent?

Seraph

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 8:01 am

YESHASettler wrote:

Seraph wrote:

as I said, letting him cry himself back to sleep hasnt worked yet...

How long have you been trying this and is whatever you're doing consistent?

As I said, last night I let him cry it out at LEAST 3 hours, and he still hadnt gone back to sleep. (As far as I know.) And its definitely not the first time I tried to let him cry himself back to sleep, but each time he cries and cries for hours and doesnt go back to sleep...

montrealmommy

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 8:02 am

Quote:

as I said, letting him cry himself back to sleep hasnt worked yet...

How long do you let him cry? with ds it took him over 2 hours the first few nights. If you decide to go in to him - again, be consistent with how frequently and what you do (if you have decided not to pick him up, then don't buckle when you are there, if you decide you will only go in for 2 minutes then set a timer and keep to it).

Uriel is also learning with this process. He tests to see where the limits are. If you are consistent, then he will learn what the "sleeping" boundaries are as you set them, otherwise he is the one in control.

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 8:04 am

You can't expect this to work (forgive the cliche) overnight.

It will take time and before it's over everyone will be exhausted and some of you possibly miserable and there will be a hundred times a night when you'll want to throw in the towel.

Seraph

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 8:07 am

YESHASettler wrote:

wait? so how long would YOU let your kid cry? 5 hours straight? 10 hours? Whats the limit? It was at least 3 hours. You're saying you'd let him cry longer than that??

Tamiri

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 8:07 am

It really is a test of wills here. How long before Imma breaks down due to my heartwrenching cries. If you can't take it - he will know it.
There is nothing wrong with a well fed, warm, loved child crying for comfort. Crying is the only way for him to show his dissatisfaction with life. There is nothing wrong with him learning to deal with that dissatisfaction by simply going back to sleep. It will take a few days, but since you are the adult and the one in charge, you can get the lesson across.
He really has absolutely no reason to be waking during his sleep and not going right back to sleep. He just needs to realize that.

Seraph

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 8:10 am

right, but I think if a kid cries that long, there generally is a reason. I am doing this sleep training now bec he is just sooooo overtired already, but this may not be the best time to do so bec I think he is a bit in pain from thrush or whatnot, so letting him cry for many many hours when he's possibly in pain feels unethical to me...