Boys , whats normal what isn't.

amother

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 7:48 pm

My 4 yo son recently got into the habit of putting his hands in his pants. He does this all the time now. I tried ignoring it, I tried offering prizes if he doesn't do it. I tried telling him its disgusting, but it seems almost like its automatic. He just has his hands in his pants all day. A few times he actually took "IT" out and started showing everyone that was there. I don't think he does it in school (although I am not 100% sure) I think he is embarrased to do it there. But what do I do? It drives me absolutley CRAZY. It really makes me naushes to see a little kid touching himself down there. I need to stop this but don't know how. Also, is this a normal thing for this age kid?
Title edited by mod2

Clarissa

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 8:00 pm

Don't worry, it usually stops in about seventy years or eighty years. Maybe a bit longer.

Honestly, it's fine to tell him that his private parts are private, but it makes you nauseous? They do it because it feels good. Telling him it's disgusting will just make him feel disgusting. Is that your goal?

amother

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 8:19 pm

I think it's because I associate it with s-xuality and that is something that is SOOO far from my mind with a 4 yo. I know that boys do it, but he does it all day long. I don't sy its disgusting I tell him its not a nice thing to do.
Are you sying that I am overreacting? Is it not a big deal?

Clarissa

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 8:33 pm

I'm saying you shouldn't be disgusted. It's okay to teach him not to do some things, or to do some things in private, but don't show him your revulsion. They do what feels good to them. It's up to us to teach them what might be appropriate public behavior, but you don't want to do something that makes him feel self-loathing for seeking pleasurable feelings, or to associate his you-know-what with being a disgusting feeling.

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 8:58 pm

This is the way I have handled the issue.

With a smile, I tell my son that its his private part and no one else wants to see it... When he is alone in a private place (his room) he can do whatever he wants, but its inappropriate to touch yourself in others company. I say it in a light tone - like a chuckle and roll of eyes to a silly joke.
Since they want to be with me much of the time it keeps things in their pants.
When the hand instinctively go there (more often then you can believe) I remind them by asking if they need some privacy?

Clarissa

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 9:18 pm

mimivan wrote:

I would let Abba (Or Tatty) handle this one! Wink

Yes, guys are better at handling those things. In fact, sometimes they won't stop. (sorry, I couldn't resist)

micki

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 10:40 pm

"take your hands out of your pants"
thts what I tellme boys. it is a magnet. it peaked at 4-5 ys old but now my older one doesn't do it so much, except in the bath or such. don't tell him its gross cause its not the reight message. just tell him its not tznius. and take your hands out of your pamts. trust me, its not like they planed to do this, its more habit.
here is a picture to prove it:
oish I cannot figure out how to make this work!if someone can I'll post a pic

Clarissa

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 10:44 pm

You want to post a picture of your sons playing with themselves? Well, that'll be something new!

amother

Sat, Nov 08 2008, 11:51 pm

Clarissa wrote:

You want to post a picture of your sons playing with themselves? Well, that'll be something new!

Crayon, are you ready?

We just tell our kids "its not tznius" that includes touching, pulling down pants, walking around naked...

My 2 year old was recently trained. He loves to spend time in the bathroom doing all sorts of trouble like playing with the sink, the plunger, toothbrushes in the toilet and whatnot, so I try never to leave him alone there. Lately when he wants to be left alone to do his "activities" he's been using this line on me, he'll tell me "Go out! I'm not tznius!" Twisted Evil

MrsMom

Sun, Nov 09 2008, 12:25 am

That's totally normal, even for a 4 year old. Dont make him feel ashamed for something that everybody does.

micki

Sun, Nov 09 2008, 10:07 am

yipes I better post this pic fast! I figures it out, so here it is!!
a nice pic of me and my sons, but should I frame this?

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Last edited by micki on Sun, Nov 09 2008, 10:12 am; edited 3 times in total

Clarissa

Sun, Nov 09 2008, 10:09 am

That picture made my day! It's absolutely adorable, and I love that you posted it. By the way, you're pretty!

Aribenj

Sun, Nov 09 2008, 5:35 pm

It's normal. And by making a big deal about it, it becomes a big deal. Just tell them it's a private part and private parts belong in private places. So if he wants to touch (after all, it's his body, right?) then that's ok, but he needs to do it somewhere where he's alone. That takes care of the embarrassment. As for the actual physical aspect, it will run its course. By the time he's 7 or 8 he'll forget all about it. That is, until he's a teen. But that's a whole other can of worms...

cassandra

Sun, Nov 09 2008, 5:41 pm

micki wrote:

yipes I better post this pic fast! I figures it out, so here it is!!
a nice pic of me and my sons, but should I frame this?

[img]

[/img]

I'm laughing hysterically! You are so brave! (Though my first thought is that they have to go to the bathroom)

Tefila

Sun, Nov 09 2008, 6:47 pm

Hmm looks like you have a righty and lefty there Twisted Evil

. LOoks too like they posed for the picture I mean both of them exact timing, right on Tongue Out

Did u keep them waiting for the washroom or what Banging head

Tefila

Sun, Nov 09 2008, 6:51 pm

Micki hate to be the one to break it to you, but rather you then him. The shidduch we had in mind is off Sad

that girl is too refined, yea I know Rolling Eyes

she probably wasn't supposed to be his bashert anyways