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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
miriamnechama
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 Tue, Nov 18 2008, 8:59 am
I've been reading about this in teh papers, tere were a couple of threads aboutthis somewhere on one forum and it got me thinking??
sometime I wish simchas like weddings would be done the way my mother had it in holland, I look at her album taht my dad left me and I think wowsuch simplicity, just the close familly, no bash, no fancyness, no going into debt....
it would be so nice if we went back to those days....
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amother
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:37 am
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She probably had such a wedding out of the harsh economic situation in those days... if she would get married now, trust me, it would be more fancy.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:44 am
| miriamnechama wrote: | I've been reading about this in teh papers, tere were a couple of threads aboutthis somewhere on one forum and it got me thinking??
sometime I wish simchas like weddings would be done the way my mother had it in holland, I look at her album taht my dad left me and I think wowsuch simplicity, just the close familly, no bash, no fancyness, no going into debt....
it would be so nice if we went back to those days.... |
Depending on what you mean by close family, there are still people who only want "those really relevant" there.
And yeah, I think people should never go into debt for a wedding. It's like a bar mitzva, no need to invite the parents' (non close) friends or their coworkers or whatever... it's a holy, familial event, not avertisement for doctor Blum or whatever.
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miriamnechama
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:46 am
actually that's not true at all. my grandparents were shuchim in utrecht holland and my grandfather owned a bakery which he passed down to his som who eventually sold it when he got sick. it was the only kosher bakery of town, and my grandfatherw as an experienced baker, and he made amazing 7 layer cakes and nice cakes forteh reception.
becauseteh also had lots of guests both were experienced cooks and they both put together a wonderful meal, they had a shul right next to their home which belonged to the shul andthere they catered for 50 people.. it was teh same place they make teh pesach seders.
all my aunts got married tahtway, I also wanted a wedding like that, but didn't work out for other reasons... though my cousins now want a bigger bash.
they were such good people always doing chasadim taht their cgildren's simcha was teh communities simcha.. it was so amazing,
but what I'm trying to point out tah ti readin last weeks hamidia is why do people haveto spend so much money and then worry how they are gonna pay for it... I mean can't we just go back to teh days of simplicity??
there's a lady in mypainting class, who's soon marrying off her first child, she told us she went looking for her self and whens he saw the prices she said, am I crazy to spend thatmuch.. how will I pay for it, andthen she asked how does everyone else do it... well there's another woman in teh group who's a seamstress and offered to sew her just what she saw but for cheaper...
that was really my point.
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shabbatiscoming
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:49 am
| amother wrote: | | She probably had such a wedding out of the harsh economic situation in those days... if she would get married now, trust me, it would be more fancy. | not everyone wants or feels like they NEED fancy for a wedding.
I agree with you miriamnechama. why all of the extras when you just need those closest to you and some food for a seudat mitzvah.
I told my husband that I would have LLOOOOVED to have just family and a few close friends in the backyard with a nice barbeque.
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miriamnechama
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 9:50 am
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thanks ruchel and shabbat...
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Ruchel
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 10:07 am
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(by the way I wanted fancy lol, but I totally understand it's not the same for everyone. My parents also had a very simple wedding).
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supermom
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:32 am
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Those days families were smaller. My great uncle for example had 14 kids kah. When they make a simcha all the aunts and uncles come with their kids it is over a hundred already. 28 just for husbands and wives, kids there is over 75, and the great grandchildren they have 7. So just the close relatives on one side is already over a hundred. Now take a family of 22.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:35 am
| supermom wrote: | | Those days families were smaller. |
Yes, pre war frum Jews had less children than "shtetl times" and less than now too.
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yentaof8
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:37 am
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I never would want to send an invitation to someone who would wonder why they were being invited. I get some of those and feel like they just opened a phone book and invited everyone they thought they once met. So impersonal, I think.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:38 am
By the way I had/have family in Amsterdam & den haag 
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NativeMom
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:39 am
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I wish...My brother in law is having a bar mitzvah the end of August and I'm panicking. My in laws take these parties so seriously. My last brother in law's bar mitzvah was like a wedding! I wore this gorgeous outfit, we all had our make up done and had professional pictures taken. I don't know what to wear for the next family bar mitzvah, it'll probably be just as nice or nicer! I wish it could be simpler, I wouldn't have as hard of a time finding a dress!
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greenfire
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:42 am
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I think a fancy wedding is loverly ... but I agree with the small fancy family wedding ... more intimate ... more to remember cause there is less to soak in ...
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Ruchel
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:42 am
| NativeMom wrote: | | My last brother in law's bar mitzvah was like a wedding! I wore this gorgeous outfit, we all had our make up done |
wow!
I say, just do your own thing if you're not into that.
I'm not even sure I wanna get my make up done for dd's bat mitzva or with G-d's help sons' bar mitzvas...I don't see the need.
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sunshine!
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:51 am
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I always wonder what the point of a fancy wedding is. My grandmother had a saying "It's not the wedding that counts, it's the marriage". I think by setting high standards for weddings we are missing the point. The idea of a wedding IS the marriage. My wedding was beautiful, there were lots of people who I really cared about there, and although they weren't serving steak a'la king or roasted shallot surprise, I and all the people in attendance have wonderful memories of a beautiful Simcha.
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NativeMom
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 11:52 am
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lol if I do my own thing it'll look weird. My MIL will probably wear a gown
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Ruchel
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 12:00 pm
| sunshine! wrote: | | I always wonder what the point of a fancy wedding is. My grandmother had a saying "It's not the wedding that counts, it's the marriage". I think by setting high standards for weddings we are missing the point. The idea of a wedding IS the marriage. My wedding was beautiful, there were lots of people who I really cared about there, and although they weren't serving steak a'la king or roasted shallot surprise, I and all the people in attendance have wonderful memories of a beautiful Simcha. |
many girls have "princess" dreams
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miriamnechama
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 12:11 pm
| Ruchel wrote: | | sunshine! wrote: | | I always wonder what the point of a fancy wedding is. My grandmother had a saying "It's not the wedding that counts, it's the marriage". I think by setting high standards for weddings we are missing the point. The idea of a wedding IS the marriage. My wedding was beautiful, there were lots of people who I really cared about there, and although they weren't serving steak a'la king or roasted shallot surprise, I and all the people in attendance have wonderful memories of a beautiful Simcha. |
many girls have "princess" dreams |
aha...
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Ruchel
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 12:12 pm
| miriamnechama wrote: | | Ruchel wrote: | | sunshine! wrote: | | I always wonder what the point of a fancy wedding is. My grandmother had a saying "It's not the wedding that counts, it's the marriage". I think by setting high standards for weddings we are missing the point. The idea of a wedding IS the marriage. My wedding was beautiful, there were lots of people who I really cared about there, and although they weren't serving steak a'la king or roasted shallot surprise, I and all the people in attendance have wonderful memories of a beautiful Simcha. |
many girls have "princess" dreams |
aha... |
yup! I know I did!
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sunshine!
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Tue, Nov 18 2008, 12:13 pm
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I sure felt like a princess... and when I look at my wedding picture, I still can't believe that the fairy tale bride is me.... Don't get me wrong, my wedding was a beautiful event, in a proper hall, but there were no extras like 8 course meals, 7 piece bands, and thousands of dollars worth of fresh flowers that go to waste when the affair is over. I didn't feel "gypped" out of one detail.
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