OMG...what do I do with a newborn?!?!

amother

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 9:46 pm

So, I should be giving birth soon, and I've been super relaxed about the whole thing (this is my first). I was the eldest of three children and I took a lot of care of my youngest sister, since she was quite a bit younger than me.

I know how to bathe a baby, I think I can handle breastfeeding (and want to do it very much), I know how to hold and soothe a baby without a problem...and I'm super relaxed and natural with babies.

BUT...I don't actually know what to expect when I get home from the hospital. Is there a schedule to follow? What do I actually do?

How did you ladies prepare for your first babies? Did you read any books? Is there a book that tells you what to do when you get home? Do I just let my baby sleep and feed it whenever it gets up or cries??

Will I just know what to do? Why am I freaking out? I'm usually so calm about this stuff...

anonymom

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 9:54 pm

You learn on the job and you go with the flow, and it sounds like you have nothing to worry about. Your first is the easiest actually because you don't have to worry about other kids schedules and taking care of them at the same time. By about 6-8 weeks, they usually begin to fall into a schedule. Until then it can be unpredictable, so don't expect much other than caring for yourself and baby. Besha-a Tova and Good Luck!

mummiedearest

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 10:04 pm

ditch the books. prepare by choosing a really good pediatrician before giving birth. the pediatrician will be your best friend for a while. ask him about feeding schedules. other than that, they sleep, poop, pee, and eat some more. oh, and they burp. they may make some funny faces. newborns aren't really that hard to figure out. once they're more alert you have to work on being more interesting as a mommy.

Rivky

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 10:05 pm

I had my first just a few months ago. I did not read any books and learned (and am still learning) on the job. Yes, I am a little inexperienced as it's my first, but every hour, and day brings something new and I learn. My "roommate" in the hospital couldnt stop marveling how I was so good at diaper changing-she had no clue which way to put the pamper on!!!! What she didnt know was that I changed plenty of my siblings diapers!!! Relax-you'll see how everything will fall into place and how great of a mom you'll be!!

baschabad

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 10:31 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

I would question this because pediatricians only know as much as YOU could know because they read "the books" as well... unless they are parents, in which case, asking any parent would tell you everything you need to know. Additionally, the medical approach to parenting is not necessarily the correct one for every child. Feeding schedules you can find out from any book or parent.

I agree that your baby will teach you just fine!! Enjoy mothering!

anon

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 11:06 pm

I highly recommend The Baby Whisperer book, by Tracy Hoggs. While you will figure out how to take care of your baby's basic needs, there are many things which don't come naturally. This book tells you how to get your baby on a good schedule that will teach it to be a good sleeper and therefore be more happy. It also touches on many other issues. Now is the time to read, because you will be way to busy for things like books once this little munchkin comes to town.

Though truthfully, things like schedules and the like don't really apply during the very early newborn stage...that's the time that mommy and baby just need to get by with as little crying as possible (from either one of them Wink

)

OldYoung

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 12:50 am

I remember while I was in the hospital right after birth and the nurse asked me how many dirty diapers the baby had. I gave her a blank look, while thinking in my mind, "Excuse me? What do you do with the baby while it's in the nursery? What are nurses for anyway? Aren't YOU supposed to be the ones changing the baby? Hello, I just gave birth! I have no idea how many dirty diapers the baby had because I thought YOU were going to take care of that while I was here!" Anyway, I can understand your concern. Even though there are the technical biggies that everyone discusses about newborns (like nursing, etc.), the thought of taking care of a little new one was a little daunting to me. (Even with 7 younger siblings!) We had the book "What to Expect the First Year," but personally I found books nerve-wracking because every other second I'd be consulting with the book to see if I was "doing it right" or if the baby was reaching milestones exactly on time. The best thing to do would be, as someone mentioned, to keep your ped. or pp ward number handy at all times and use it whenever, even to ask the most basic questions. They really know from a-z, and can help you with the obvious and simple as well as more complicated things. It may take a few days for you to adjust to the new sleeping schedule but that's normal. Most women are at the point of exhaustion and feel like they need toothpicks to keep their eyes open at some point, just because it takes time to get used to each newborn. And "getting used to" is the key, no matter how many people can lay down a schedule of what you should be doing with your baby at what time, I guarantee that the two of you will be the ones making up the schedule as you go along and "get used to" each other. Babies can cry for a number of reasons- tired, hungry, too hot, too cold, gas, need to burp... check with a nurse or pediatrician to get the run-down. B'shaa tova Wink

Tamiri

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 12:55 am

GAMZu wrote:

I suggest not reading any books until you establish your own style from your instincts.

Exactly!
Erase from your mind everything you *think* you know about babies, so that when yours comes along, you will be ready to do exactly what it needs. I promise you that nothing you have experienced in the past can prepare you for your first baby.
All a newborn needs is Mom's breasts, clean diapers, a warm place to be, and lots of cuddling. Maybe some warm water for clean ups and a car seat. Nothing really to prepare there. Just wait until you have the baby, hold it, feed it and... go with the flow.
Take into consideration that you, too, will need some TLC in the beginning. Your body isn't the same, your sleep isn't the same, your life is changed forever.

dimples

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 1:00 am

Lol, when I came home from the hospital, I remember just bursting into tears while holding my baby. how in the world was I going to learn how to take care of him?? You really just learn on the job and do the best that you can. DO NOT feel guilty asking for help, whether it's dh pitching in a little more or staying by your parents...you really learn on the job. At 6-8 weeks you'll probably fall into a schedule, and until then if you feel that you have no idea what you are doing, its ok (You can come on imamother for some tips LOL

). it's normal to feel that way. Just take it one day at a time, you'll do great! B'shaah Tova, and good luck!

amother

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 10:42 am

baschabad wrote:

What kind of parenting style are you leaning towards? Deciding that would help you better choose books that offer information geared to your comfort level.

OP here.
It's hard to say what kind of parenting style we'll adopt because we still don't have children. But I can tell you that both Dh and I tend to view a 'tough love' approach as the best way to go. We're constantly baffled when we see our friends with 15 month olds who completely dominate them and control their lives. DH and I both came from families where the kids listened to the parents and did what they were told to do (I don't mean to sound as if my parents were militants or anything!...But we definitely knew who was in charge).

But none of that stuff seems to be appropriate for a newborn, right? We are firm believers in schedules, so I'd like to work get the bay onto a schedule when that becomes appropriate. I don't think you can do that with a child under, what....10-12 weeks at the earliest??

If you have any recommendations about parenting styles based on what I've described, let me know!
Thanks

PS. My friend is a huge believer in the Weissbluth book about sleeping habits for children. I recently bought the book and have started reading it. It does seem like the kind of style that DH and I would adopt, rather than the "try and reason with your 3 month old about why they need to sleep" approach that some other books recommend....
Wink

Atali

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 11:19 am

amother wrote:

baschabad wrote:

What kind of parenting style are you leaning towards? Deciding that would help you better choose books that offer information geared to your comfort level.

In that case Dr. Sears is probably not for you.

Also, IY"H when your baby gets a bit bigger and you want advice about scheduling, I highly recommend that you post in the Conventional Parenting forum to avoid bashing.