PLEASE HELP!!!! | Imamother

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 4:52 am

how do I educate my ds?he's 1 1/2 and I really need to teach him certain things. he understands very well but only what he wants to understand. my dh thinks he needs to be slapped lightly (like when continiously hurting the baby,opening cupboards,climbing on chairs and table.....)but I strongly disagree.I just really dont know how to get the message across to him
PLEASE HELP!!!!

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 6:49 am

If he's 18 mos, I would try to first take dangerous situations away from him. Babyproof things, latch the cupboards, leave only tupperware in cupboards he can get to, take the chairs away from the table so he can only climb on them, NOT the table.

It's possible that by 18 mos, if he is continuously climbing on the table and you take him down and literally 5 seconds later, he's back at it, you might try putting him in "timeout" in his high chair for a minute or two a)for your sanity and b)he might get the message that climbing on the table, etc. is just going to get him a boring trip to a boring high chair (ie. no snacks, toys, facing the wall, etc.) At that age, I'd reserve time out for dangerous situations you can't remove (ie. climbing on the table even though you try to block the chairs, when you are protecting the baby to a normal degree and he is really hurting her, etc.) not just general "disobedience" bc a child that young can only have so much self control.

He's 18 mos, some of the behavior may be very typical for an active 18 mo old. I would exhaust all other means of avoiding the dangerous situation before even the slightest warning type of potch--even if that means you have to reorganize things in your home some unconventional ways temporarily.

manhattanmom

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 9:33 am

I'm going to agree with NotInNJMommy:

I also hate saying NO all day long to my 17 month old. The best thing you can do is to do everything you can to prevent most situations where you'd be saying no! Lock up everything--lock the pantry, fridge, cabinets, drawers, closets, keep the bathroom door closed. Keep the door to your bedroom closed. I have a baby gate that divides my apartment in half. Lock the toilet--the list is endless.

I've noticed that my son goes through certain phases--about 2 months ago he would tell and scream and rip off his bibs. So we stopped using bibs. Then, one day he asked for a bib and now LOVES his bibs!
For the past few weeks he will not sit in his high chair. After sitting for maybe 3 or 4 minutes he stands up--takes off the seatbelt, leans all the way back with food in his mouth, tries to climb down, reaches for things on that are on the table. After a few days of constantly pulling him down in his seat and saying a very firm "NO!" without smiling or making it into a game it still didn't help. So...we put away the highchair and now he eats all his meals sitting very nicely (for the most part) at his very own Little Tikes toddler table. He sits nicely for a while and at least if he gets up to run around he's a lot safer!

happymom

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 10:08 am

im glad to hear you dont want to potch your son. that is never the answer imo.

a good book is what to expect the toddler years. if he isnt listening to the word no and discovering what he wants, then is he bh a normal healthy one and a half year old, beacuse that is what they do.

the best thing to do is make sure your house is babyproff. whatever u dont want him toiuching should be locked or high up. sometimes u cant but then you distract, or say no and remove to something else.

my son is alos one and a half. I feel I know alot about how to handle many diff situations in a psoitive way, that helps child and parent... so please feel free to im me about any specific questions and I would love to help...

Ima2

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 11:17 am

I would ask your rav about it. Potching used to be the way parents disciplined their children. Now a days, it's not so accepted and there are halacho iwth regarding hittin older children, but I would ask your personal rav about what he thinks is best in this situation. Also, kids at this age need to be told over and over and over again before they will remember what you told them. I feel that being positive is very important but there are times when that doesn't work. Potching may not be the answer always. Maybe a VERY firm "NO!" will do the trick, or I found explaining why you say no. Your son understands everything so treat him that way...tell him why he can't climb on the chair r why he can't hit the baby. There are many tyoes of kids out there and sometimes a variety of tactics need to be used. Hatzlacha!

BlumaG

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 11:52 am

u know I dont agree - im not gonig to hide behind amother either
if a child is getting out of hand theres nothing wrong in a light patch to warn him of the danger of what he's doing.
If I am able I do put him in his crib for pushing or hurting someone else - it really helps but if I'm in a situation that I can't do that DS does get a light patch and a stern 'NO' - not out of anger but out of concern. we lock up alot of stuff too but kids need to learn there are things they are not allowed to do - ie ifthe bathroom door is left open - not always is it clsoed 100%, I have other young kids that need to use it - it is not safe to eat shampoo, drink toilet water etc...

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 2:09 pm

op here
I'm not sure about the potching. my parents did potch us sometimes and I had a very healthy upbringing. I'm just thinking if lets say he slaps the baby and then I came and slap him, what is he thinking?like I'm not allowed to slap and mommy slaps me?/=but sometimes I'm really at loss and especially that my dh thinks that's the way to be 'mechanech'. ( and no, he's not abusive at all LOL

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sky

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 3:28 pm

Close up and block up as much as possible to prevent saying no.

I'm in the middle of reading positive discipline for the the first 3 years and it really has some great ideas for how to deal with all these situations. None of them are easy quick fixes (which I would love to find) but they are slowly working.

happymom

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 5:57 pm

p here
I'm not sure about the potching. my parents did potch us sometimes and I had a very healthy upbringing. I'm just thinking if lets say he slaps the baby and then I came and slap him, what is he thinking?like I'm not allowed to slap and mommy slaps me?/=but sometimes I'm really at loss and especially that my dh thinks that's the way to be 'mechanech'. ( and no, he's not abusive at all Laughing )

the reason they are patching is because they DONT KNOW what else to do. kids are born knowing NOTHING. we as parents TEACH them! you can take thier hand and say we nare GENLE To people, and show them (yes hitting them back with make the angry and more confused! and hit more! and not trust you and many more things.....)

lots of times what happens when parents get all mad and dont explaina dn show what we SHOULD sdo is kids realize quikcly that it causes a reaction in mommy and do it to get that reaction or for negative attention.... that isnt a good thing!

bh by showing my children how to be gentle, they have learned. I am very into teaching them how to used words, how to express themsevles, and as babies, how to be gentle to others (by taking thier hand and saying gentle over thiers as soon as they hit. and if its because something is bothering them, like someoe has something they want by SHOWING them WHAT TO DO, like "show mommy you want it and I can help" if oler, "use words..." if ababy, telling them "honey you want that but the baby has it, lets see what else we can play with thill the baby is done...... beofr eyou know it they are communicating... and copying what you said... kids learn everything from what we say and do... it WORKS!

Mommamia

Mon, Dec 15 2008, 11:55 pm

amother wrote:

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exactly amother!
our kids look to us for examples of how to behave, we definitely dont want them seeing hitting is aceptable so great thinking:)