I am so frustrated with my baby!

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:42 pm

She doesnt stop crying. I have to hold her ALL day. The most she sleeps at a time is half an hour. She takes cat naps and wakes up screaming. I dont get to sleep, I can barely get anything done because I am so busy holding her. If she falls asleep in my hands and I put her down she usually wakes up, so I end up holding her while she is sleeping too. I am exhausted, I'm not functioning and I cant do anything!!! HELP!!!!!!

Clarissa

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:44 pm

Most of us have been there. You're totally overtired, your baby, like many babies, is more difficult than appealing, and it just feels like a torture that will go on forever. But I promise you, it won't. They get older, they get schedules, they calm down more and cry less. I promise you!

Get some help. Ask anybody to come over and hold her, so you can get a bit of space. Any friend or relative that's out there. Don't be afraid to reach out -- every woman with a child remembers those moments.

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:48 pm

Ouch. I hear you - you sound like you're really at the end of your rope. I'm assuming your baby is very young (less than two months, for sure?) - and I felt very, very close to what you're feeling right now. You're sleep-deprived and dealing with a very demanding, screaming little bundle right now. Someone told me, then, that don't worry, before you know it it will get better. And it did - but I don't know how much that helped at the time.

But here's one thing that I've found to be a lifesaver. Get a sling (or a front pack, or a wrap, or ANYTHING) so that you can carry your baby hands-free. YOu have no idea how freeing it can be. The only things I couldn't do with my baby in the sling were wash dishes and sleep. But just to stop the screaming, rest my arms, and actually be able to do something with my hands was worth SO much to me.

Dh used to laugh when I took a hysterical screaming baby, slipped him into my sling, jiggled him up and down a bit (by walking), and suddenly there was silence. I didn't laugh. But I definitely did crack a smile to have blissful silence...

Hatzlacha. I really hope that this helps a bit. Hang in there. And whether it helps to hear it right now or not, it really does get SO much easier, much more quickly than it feels like it will right now.

itsme

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:50 pm

did u see a dr. for your baby? could be the baby has reflux. u have to be sure the baby is fed well and has a dry daiper and is warm. iy"h she will grow and things are gonna improve. in the meanwhile just think of the nachas she will iyh bring. this might make it easier.hopefully!

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:51 pm

I had a baby like this. I can relate to how you feel. My husband and I one day looked at each other and thought we would give her free for adoption since we couldn't handle her.

Well Thank G'd we did not do so. :-)

It was a very hard time. Here a few things which helped.

First get someone to watch her so you can get a proper sleep. (I was lucky to have a neighbor who helped me)

My baby had Reflux, ear infections, broken collarbone,.. it just didn't end. It was so hard, but once we figured out how to help her it got better.

How old is your baby?

During the day it really helped to carry her in a sling.

If you would like to exchange more feel free to email me at mrls1992@yahoo.com

Keep strong!! Things do get better!

square_peg

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:52 pm

My baby is 3 weeks old, and I dont get much done either... I'm actually waiting for my moby wrap to arrive today. Even if its not something you would wear outside,, its great for in teh house.. you wear your baby, and you are hands free to do other things.. have never done this, but the laundry is piling up.... (and yes, when he finally takes a nap, I have no energy to do anything productive, instead I sit at my computer.. shhhh)

shoy18

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:53 pm

I still have a very difficult baby, she is now 1, and shes still impossible. I know how you feel, she used to cry all day, the only thing that made me calm is getting out of the house! For me I couldnt even take the child out of the house because she hated all things that moved, the car, the stroller, even when I held her in stores she cried. You need to take some time every day and go out or to another room, whatever it takes its a must when you have a baby who doesnt stop crying. Good luck, you can pm me if you want I went through it all.

cubbie

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:54 pm

I'm going to make 2 assumptions, so correct me if I'm wrong... (1) she's a newborn (2) she's your first

Calm down, take a deep breath and remember, that you are pp, with hormones all over the place and seriously lacking sleep, you are trying to get to know someone (and she getting to know you) and neither of you know where to start or how to make things easier, the first 6 weeks are the hardest and then things do begin to fall into place somehow.

On a practical level, get help, do you have friends and family who can come in for a couple of hours a day, to put on a wash, and let you rest. Accept meals from friends/family/community members and even request it, there is nothing wrong with calling a friend and giving her a list of names and numbers of good friends to ask - or order take out if that's not your style. Eat only on disposables so there is no washing up. Arrange a time with dh every evening when he will take the baby off your hands for as long as he can without disturbing you, so you can have a hot bath and start to feel human.

And remember again - they do get easier, you do get to know each other, and things do fall into place.

{{{HUGS}}}

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 12:57 pm

A friend of mine had a baby in August. He was great until he hit 2 weeks old, at which point he developped a wicked case of colick whereby he literally screamed for 15 hours a day. Seriously. It lasted until he was 14 weeks old, at which time it ceased and he suddenly developed terrible acid reflux, which made his scream for about 12 hours a day. They went to a bazillion doctors, all of whom said there was nothing they could do but wait it out. Now, at 18 weeks old, the acid reflux seems to be subsiding, but the baby never stops crying because....SURPRISE!....he's teething. His gums are red and inflamed.

The parents, who used to get along perfectly well, are not at each other's throats all day long, threatening divorce, because they just can't handle the problems with this baby (their first). The father is not coping well AT ALL. He basically just goes to work, then comes home for one hour, before storming out of the house saying "I'm sorry....I can't handle the crying...I need to leave for a few hours". So basically the mom is left on her own all day and evening.

But this will pass too! Hopefully once the teething stops, the baby will have no more problems and will develop into a normal, calm baby that they can enjoy.

And G-d willing, your will too!!!

You're not alone!

normama

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:04 pm

im not sure how old your wee little boo boo is,
but up to four months old, we would bundle up our little banshee to keep him from crying
use a bundle me or just wrap some blankets, but that got us through our nights and days for the fist 4 months.
he did cry all day too, so I know what you're going through. B"H it ended.
now he just kvetches all day long.

sometimes it helps just to think of the crying as "singing"
it takes some mental power, but when you can tune it out , it feels better.
cuz your baby is safe. it's ok for him/her to cry! Wink

hatzlacha!

pacifier

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:05 pm

to the op.
trust me it will get better when baby turns 2 months.
and even if it's still hard, you'll see another big improvement by 6-7 months.
plus it seems that hard babies, make much clever and sensitive children.

with dd, after a difficult pregnancy (hardly ate, plus trowing up), from the second night she was born until she turned two months I don't think I had one single night being able to sleep before 5h30 am!
my only sleep was 5h30/6h30 am till 9 or 10h30 am depending on the days.

I survived. had an easy baby for number 2. and now struggling again with number 3. 3 months, allergies, wants to be held, not held, rocked........
when it gets too much to handle, I just let him cry for 5-10 minutes. then come back to him.

I for sure understand that you hate the crying non stop, and having to constantly entertain your baby....
but I'm sure you love him to the sky and that's why it s even more painful for you to hear him cry.

do mention the crying to the dr though.

Barbara

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:08 pm

Frum wrote:

Do you have a carrier to carry her on your tummy? I don't know the English word. This will keep her close to you, but give you some space to do something else.

Hang on in there!

Thirding, fourthing, or whatever this suggestion. Get a sling or a Baby Bjorn. They will give you your life back. Baby will be *held* while you can use your arms.

Also sending hugs. So many of us have been there and done that. You're exhausted and hormonal and feel all alone. It WILL get better, I promise. I also promise that you really do love your baby. And when she gives you that first smile, you will melt.

Please remember to nap when baby naps. We had a family bed off and on for a long time, but the morning nap was always mommy-baby-in-bed nap time, and it was wonderful. Cooking and cleaning and laundry can wait.

Let us know how you're doing.

Tehilla

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:10 pm

it's not normal for a baby to scream like that second amother with the 18 hrs...and for both OP and the second amother I had a child like that till I went to a homeopath. if you want more about it let me know via
PM.

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:18 pm

im the OP. thanks guys. she is 6 weeks old and no she is not my first. I have a 3 year old too, who is not getting half the attention he needs bec of his sister and really acting up because of it. I dont usually feel this... helpless. today is just a bad day following a particularly bad night that had both me and dh up for hours. im just feeling sorry for myself. I wanted this baby soo badly and I was so thrilled when I found out I was pregnant and I had such an easy pregnancy and then this...!! its just NOT what I had in mind when I wanted a baby!! I dont really have family here so I dont have who to ask for help. I feel like I need a break from her! the sling idea might help so I dont have to carry her all day. where can I look for one?

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:20 pm

OP again. I forgot to add - I did speak to the dr about the screaming. dr suggested I take baby off milk based formula and since I am also nursing that I completely go off milk-based products. I did that, but it didnt seem to help. I also got a prescription from the dr to give her 2x a day for reflux. I dont see it making any difference.

manhattanmom

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:22 pm

amother wrote:

I had that. It took a few days. Eliminating dairy worked wonders for my son. But it had to be combined with zantac which was prescribed for his reflux as well. Also, by dairy it means EVERYTHING--like anything with the smallest derivative of dairy in it. Also maybe try to eliminate chocolate (sorry!)
Also, my mother mentioned how when each of us were about 6 weeks old we'd start to cry and cry and scream all day literally--until we were switched to a soy formula. I hope it helps!

Re: a sling--you can buy a moby wrap online--just google it. I just bought the Ultimate Baby Wrap--which is basically the same thing as the moby wrap and so far it's been great! My 3 weeks old sleeps in it a lot and I can give my 18 month old almost my full attention. I'm working on positioning him better to be able to nurse him in it.

Last edited by manhattanmom on Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:27 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:23 pm

OP, I have 3 kids, B"H. All have had reflux, all horrible teethers, all big cry babies, all want to be joined at the hip with me, and none of them like to sleep at night or nap during the day. It's super stressful and I can't stand for them to cry. I am totally not the CIO type of mom. I have never trained my kids to go to bed at night by letting them cry themselves to sleep. But if it comes a time where I feel like I am just going to explode, I will leave the baby in a safe place (crib, playpen. etc.) and go in another room and shut the door for a few minutes if I need. Maybe even take a hot shower and just calm down. It's hard to hear our babies crying, but the truth is that it wont hurt them, and if you need a minutes for yourself to collect yourself, just do it!

Another thing is that I find that a change of environment is helpful. So if the baby is going nuts, I get out of the house. I sometimes will go for a walk in the park, sometimes take a car ride to do some errands, sometimes just go to visit family or friends. Almost always this seems to help.... the baby and me.

Things will get better. I know it's hard to see that now, but this stage does NOT last forever. Hatzlocha!

Clarissa

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 1:33 pm

I went through years of infertility and pregnancy losses, and I didn't try to make people feel bad when they went nuts dealing with their kids. Stress s*cks, whether it's from something wonderful or something terrible. We all hate the people we love from time to time.