Naming for someone not frum and needing to ask a rav

amother

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 2:52 pm

The name we want to (really have to) use if we have a boy is for someone who was not frum (but traditional) but also anti-frum, his 3 sons married out and he used to get mad at DH when he wore a yarmulke in the street. I know his perception was likely from the anti-semitism of the time even though he grew up in North America but at the same time it bothers me a bit. When I have brought it up seriously it really hurts DH but he does know I want to add a name to it and is ok with it. I don't think he will want to ask a rav about it b/c that again seems like a big deal to him and is insulting and hurtful. I have many frum relatives and he has very few so to him it is favouring my side instead of his and I know it hurts his feelings. It's not a halachik issue so can I just choose a name myself? There is a name that goes with the name but the only gedolim with that name are all a specific chassidus and we are not chassidish at all and I don't feel comfortable naming after a different derech.
So what name can we add? I was thinking of the name Tzadok.

BTW I also need to add that DH was inadvertently named for someone who is considered a bad person in Tanach. His parent werent frum and the jewish baby name book they used didn't give the source for the name so talking to him about naming after someone bad really doesn't work since DH is quite a tzadik despite his name so it is really extra insulting to him!

Is it necessary to ask a shaila if I want to add a name? If the baby is a girl I want to name after my mother who died young. Do I really need to ask a rav about this? I don't feel comfortable naming without adding a name since my grandmother also died very young as well as my great grandmother.

Ruchel

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 2:56 pm

Different rabbis will tell you different things.

For the anti frum person, which to me is quite different than non frum, I would add the name of a frum relative. But Tzadok seems a good idea too for the meaning.

For a girl, in your case (several women who died young), I think I would probably add a name too. Either from another relative who died old, or a name like Bubba (grandmother, yes it exists Wink

). Or maybe just Chaya/Vita?

You do not need a shaila, names are minhag not halacha.

SingALong

Wed, Apr 22 2009, 3:30 pm

there are many rebbes who specialize on giving advice on which names to give a baby. you might fell better about asking.

a cousin of mine named her son after her grandfather who wasnt frum, but also it was the same name as a gadol/rav/tzadik so they kind of named after both. maybe search for a special person in tanach or a rav with the same name so you are also naming after a tzadik

many people add chaya/chaim to the name of someone who died young.

RachelEve14

Thu, Apr 23 2009, 1:27 am

We were told by our Rav to use the actual name, but dh should have in mind he was naming for the relitive and the tzdak(ess) from Tanach. Rivka was my grandmother, but he had in mind also Rivka Emmanu when he named her. Avraham (ben) Tzvi was my great grandfather & great great grandfather, but again Avraham Avinu was in mind.

It's defiantly an ask your LOR question. Our Rav holds names are significant and adding a name without using it is wrong, and adding a name changes the whole name so you are no longer naming after the person (not in the case of someone dying young cvs, in the case of adding a name stam or naming the baby after different people).