my baby wont let me do anything

wubby

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 8:48 pm

I have a 9 month old at home, and she won't let me put her down. I try giving her different toys, puting her in her jumperoo, even sitting her in front of me with some toys, but all she does is cry and want me to pick her up? any ideas that might help?

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 8:53 pm

If she's used to having you carry her around, you'll need to slowly wean her off of it. Not just for your back's sake, but for her sake too! She needs to be able to play by herself, explore, etc now.

Maybe try sitting her on her lap and "helping" her play with some toys? That way she still feels cuddled by you, but you're showing her that sitting and playing can be fun. Reading with her on your lap would work too, especially touch and feel books or lift the flap books at her age.
Does she stand holding on? If she does, sometimes letting her stand holding on to a chair with some toys on the chair will work for a bit.
Try sitting on the floor to fold laundry or do whatever other chores you can do. She'll be able to climb all over you while you're there, and you can play with the laundry with her.
I would try some of these when she's at her happiest - perhaps right after she wakes up and eats, or whenever her happiest time of day is. See if it works. Then gradually wean her off of you. (Of course, make sure you're giving her your undivided attention for a decent amount of time each day. Just because she's becoming independent, doesn't mean she doesn't need her Mommy!)

Let us know if any of these ideas help...

btMOMtoFFBs

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 8:57 pm

I think babies can go through a period of separation anxiety at that age. You can try alwaysgrateful's suggestions, which are really nice, but it may be psychologically or developmentally really hard for your baby to be away from you at her current age.

Hopefully its just a stage and in another month or two... well you might be running after her instead.

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 9:51 pm

BTmom is much more experienced than me - I've only raised one baby! I guess because at this point my baby's separation anxiety doesn't including being carried around by me all the time, it seemed appropriate to make those suggestions. (Good thing, because he's heavy and makes my back hurt!) If you decide to carry your baby around until she gets over this stage, can I suggest a well-build baby carrier?

boruchhashem

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 10:36 pm

My nine month old, is exactly the same way. If I need a few minutes to go to you know where, I put her into her crib. She screams bloody murder, to the point, you could think I am hurting her. I had an appliance repair man here today, and he nicely asked, is she teething? I hope he doesnt call CPS on me....

NotInNJMommy

Tue, Apr 28 2009, 10:46 pm

btMOMtoFFBs wrote:

I agree. Also, many babies still haven't learned "object permanence" at that age yet. This means, they don't realize that just because they can't see something, doesn't mean it isn't there. So, when you leave the room, they think you have stopped existing, which just compounds the separation anxiety--bc any time you start to separate, you might go out of sight,a nd then, not "exist"!

There are different little games (like peek-a-boo) that help to encourage the development of a child's understanding of "object permanence". Also, if you have to leave their site (ie. to use the beis kisei, quickly grab something from the other room,e tc) you might say "Mommy will be right back!" First, this will likely teach her that it means you will leave, and she will learn first to freak out. Then, she will learn that when Mommy says "Right back!" it means it's just temporary, and she will start to flip out less.

That, with time, should do the trick.

I found having the kids in a high chair with toys or snacks while I worked int he kitchen helped a lot during this phase, and also just lowering my expectations of myself bc I'd have to focus my attn elsewhere.

shlomitsmum

Mon, May 04 2009, 11:21 pm

DD now 12 and DS almost 10 were both "velcro babies" the baby carrier saved my sanity !

but once they discovered mobility they became better ,they are both very secure and independent now so go figure ,my theory is that the confidence and independence comes from having their early need for security met , research supports this ...I showed it to critical people who wanted to me to let my kids wail ,is all over the net.

my baby DD is also a velcro baby too! so It must be the way my kids are wired...LOL so on a hard day I just tell myself ....this too shall pass and how I longed for this ! but later just pass her around to DH ,DD,or DS when they are home,so my arms/back gets a break ! good luck.

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, May 05 2009, 11:06 am

Separation Anxiety...my baby would not even let me put her on the floor NEXT to me over Y"T. We're a bit better now, but still clingy.
Having a baby carrier is a necessity at this point...may I suggest something like a mei tai, wrap, or a good structured carrier like an Ergo for back carrying? When a baby is positioned well on your back, it should be pain free, and you'll be able to work in the kitchen, in the laundry room, carry things, etc...while your baby is content Smile

perry

Wed, May 20 2009, 5:03 pm

I have twins too and they are both clingy. The only way I dont have to hold them is by sitting next to them and the floor and playing with them, singing to them...... Sometimes when they get engrossed in their toys, I slip away for a few minutes and they don't cry untill they notice that I left.
Otherwise I fold my laundry on the floor.......What works for me now, is sitting them out on my porch. Its the best now that the weather is nice, I can actually get some work done in my house while they are up !

bonnie

Thu, May 21 2009, 7:49 am

My last one did that and it was impossible to do anything. However, I found that he simply needed to learn how to play with toys rather than sit there and scream. Literally, sit down with him for half an hour a day, teach him repepitive actions with a simple toy, ( appropriate for his age), show him how to explore a bit. Also designate a small area and develop a routine ( "it's time for play...etc...), he may want familiar surroundings, etc...etc...
It takes some time and patience, but ultimately, like every other stage, teaching him some independance works tremendously.
It's not them "letting us put her down"
You may not want to hear this, but it's about developing tolerance to "nagging/crying/screeching"
Face it, a lot of times, we just don't want to hear it and will give "in" just to hear the quiet.
Bubbles also are a great distracting technique. If you're doing something, try blowing some bubbles, commenting on them, etc...etc...she may be fascinated! ( Happened with us).
Also- is she crawling/moving ok? A little mobile independance goes a long way in making them happier?

Unless there's a medical reason she's crying?
Is her health, stomach...etc...etc...everything ok? Than you need to address any medical issues.

Good luck!