I am not managing!!!! kids/house/health

amother

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 8:56 pm

did I say my 2 kids stay home? no they go to school. but maybe I am just also very down emotional that makes it harder to get up and do things. even with only 1 home, it is non stop work,cooking, laundry and my house is just a big mess!
finances are tight. so I can not afford extra cleaning help.
amother of 8.45, I really like your tips.
doctor, I also do not run the first time but my dd had something a little serious that had to be checked out a few times.

amother

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 9:06 pm

soldat wrote:
y

Quote:

ou need to take credit for what gets done (the prioreties) and do your best to ignore what doesn't
I know a 75 yr old lady (not Jewish) who had 3 children under 3. she told me how at the end of a day she'd sit on the couch crying that her house was a mess etc.
her husband would ask her - did the children all have something to eat? yes
are they happy? - yes
then you did a great job.

I'm not the OP, but I have the opposite problem. At the end of the day, I'm crying with exhaustion that I don't have the koach to pick up the house, but then console my house that my kids were fed. clothed, etc..
and then dh comes in and yells at me because of the mess etc..

OP if you have a supportive husband, take advantage of that, have him help you. I don't have that luxury....Mine just rubs my face in it..
_________________

Nicole

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 9:06 pm

Amother, I'm sorry things are so difficult for you. It sounds like you're taking small steps and really trying. That's terrific. Very Happy

I hope things begin to improve a bit more.
Someone on page one said she was going through something similar and ended up being diagnosed and put on antidepressants and it really helped. I'm not a big med pusher AT ALL (I'm known for this in my circle of friends/family), but I am a psychiatric nurse. I can't get a perfect handle on what's going on just from your posts, but I'm a little concerned that you seem to be feeling so drained for this amount of time. (since July) Perhaps you should see a doctor to ascertain if you are deficient in something, or if there's so kind of psychiatric component to what you're feeling. Do you have a history of moodiness/swings/ depressive episodes?
Feel good, YOU ARE A FANTASTIC MOM -I have no doubt, and it's fabulous that you're taking the time to step back and try to rectify this situation.
Feel free to pm me.

amother

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 9:08 pm

amother wrote:

soldat wrote:
y

Quote:

(op here)
that must be so hard for you, I would me mad if I would complain about the mess. bh he doesnt care that much, he doesnt like it but most times he understands that I am not coping.

amother

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 9:10 pm

Nicole wrote:

Amother, I'm sorry things are so difficult for you. It sounds like you're taking small steps and really trying. That's terrific. Very Happy

well I started taking zolof but doc is not sure if its working for me.

the world's best mom

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 9:56 pm

I used to be in a very similar situation. Here's what helped me out of it:
1-me time. I used to go to a weekly Shiur, while dh or my sister watched the kids. If I missed it one week, I would get an hour off a different night that week. I would go for a walk, or go to my mother and hang out.
2-support. I asked my family for help whenever I needed it. If your family doesn't live nearby, do all you can to find a girl who is willing to help you out for a couple of hours a week. I know you said you'd ask the school, and that's great. Don't be ashamed to ask.

smoms

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 8:26 am

Are you drinking enough water throughout the day?? I find that if I don't keep myself properly hydrated, I have no energy whatsoever.

Another energy sapper, is holding your kids. Let them sit on your lap and cuddle them as much as you wish. Don't walk around the house, holding 20-30 pounds in your arms...

Bribe the kids to play nicely. Say if you color nicely or play nicely for 20 minutes, I'll read you a story afterwoulds.

there's an old funny saying: cleaning your house while the kids are still growings, is like shoveling the snow while its still snowing...
come night and I have no energy, I pick the biggest battle, usually the kitchen and the rest of the house I just touch up: I push all loose toys to one corner so it doesn't look like such a big mess...pile unfinished paperwork and bills into a big pile so it looks neat..you get the drift..

one more tip: I found that timing myself and challenging myself to finish faster really helps. if it took me 45 minutes to clean up the kitchen one night, I will challenge myself to finish it in 35 minutes the next night.

Last, talking on the phone makes everything takes twice as long as without. Try it..

BrachaC

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 11:25 am

Life with such small children can feel like ongoing chaos. To some extent it is going to be chaotic, but you can be the eye of the storm and let the chaos go on around you without getting caught up in it. It sounds like you do not feel comfortable with your station in life. It sounds like you need to do the internal work that will help you be more comfortable with your life and then you will be able cope with the externals. I am sure you are physically exhausted, but at some point you can push through that if you have motivation.